Enabler Is Your Enemy, Snake in Your Grass

Uploaded 12/15/2022, approx. 2 minute read

And this is the topic of today's video.


Enablers are not your friends, they're your enemies.

My name is Sam Vaknin, I'm the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited, and I'm a professor of psychology, believe it or not.

As I said, enablers are often mistaken for friends when in reality enablers are your worst enemies.

Enablers encourage your self-destructive behaviors. Enablers aid and abet your suffering. Enablers amplify any self-harm or self-harming conduct.

Enablers are there to participate in your self-defeat and self-destruction, to egg you on, to provide you with the tools and instrument of your self-annihilation.

A true friend would never hand you a loaded gun knowing that you may be suicidal, but an enabler would do exactly this.

An enabler would have sex with your girlfriend at your request, aware all the time that this will cause you excruciating pain. An enabler would ply their alcoholic or junky friend with drinks or drugs. An enabler would encourage a shopaholic to shop even more.

Would encourage a workaholic to work even more. An enabler would go on retail therapy sprees with a shopaholic.

An enabler would induct you into bed company, hoping for the worst outcomes.

Beware the enabler.

Enablers are charming. They're smiling. They're solicitous. They're intelligent. They pose as your best friends. They bring you anything and everything you want.

You want alcohol, it's there. You want drugs, it's there. You want them to have sex with your girlfriend. They oblige. They're always at your beck and call. They're always available. They're always there to cater to your needs, especially express needs.

But they're snakes in your grass. They're dangerous people, unbounded, mentally ill.

People who derive pleasure from inflicting pain. Enablers are actually sadists.

You have been warned.


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Giving Narcissist Second Chance

Narcissists do not provide closure in relationships and will stalk, cajole, beg, promise, persuade, and ultimately succeed in doing the impossible to get you back. The narcissist will cast all interactions with you in terms of conflicts or competitions to be won. If you have resumed contact because you are manifestly dependent on the narcissist financially or emotionally, the narcissist will pounce on your frailty and exploit your fragility to the maximum. Ultimately, the narcissist will write the inevitable cycle of idealization and devaluation.

Best New Year Resolution: Fake Friend Out!

Fake friends are not your friends, they are your enemies. They enable your dark side, your self-destructiveness, your self-harm. They are envious of you and are always parasitic. Fake friends are covert, have no moral compass, and are feral, savage, antisocial, psychopathic, and narcissistic. The best thing you can do for yourself this coming New Year is to rid yourself of their presence.

Remain Friends with the Narcissist?

Narcissists are only friendly when they need something from you, such as narcissistic supply, help, support, votes, money, or sex. They also become friendly when they feel threatened and want to smother the threat with pleasantries. Narcissists are also over-friendly when they have just been infused with an overdose of narcissistic supply. Some people prefer to live with narcissists because they have been conditioned to treat narcissistic abuse as background noise and are compensated for the abuse by the thrills provided by living with a narcissist. However, inverted narcissists are typically unhappy and in need of help, which suggests that they are victims who experience the Stockholm Syndrome.

Narcissist's Language as Weapon

Narcissists use language as a weapon of self-defense, to obscure, not to communicate, and to obtain narcissistic supply. They talk at others or lecture them, exchange subtexts, and spawn private languages, prejudices, superstitions, conspiracy theories, rumors, phobias, and hysterias. The rules that govern the narcissist universe are loopholeed, incomprehensible, open to interpretation so wide and so self-contradictory that it renders them meaningless. The narcissist, in this respect, is a great social menace, undermining language itself.

N-Magnet: Narcissist's Ideal Victim?

Narcissists are not drawn to empathic, sensitive people, but rather repelled by them. Victims of narcissistic abuse come in all shapes, sizes, professions, genders, and ages, and there is no specific profile. People should not think of themselves as a "narcissist magnet" and instead review their life in detail to see that they have control over their destiny and can learn from their experiences. Bed relationships, no matter how harrowing, are opportunities to learn lessons.

How Narcissist's Victims Deceive Themselves

Narcissists cannot be cured and are a threat to those around them. Victims of narcissists often confuse shame with guilt and attribute remorsefulness to the narcissist when they are actually feeling shame for failing. Narcissists are attracted to vulnerable people who offer them a secure source of narcissistic supply. Healing is dependent on a sense of security in a relationship, but the narcissist is not interested in healing and would rather invest their energy in obtaining narcissistic supply. Narcissists lack empathy and cannot understand others, making them a danger to those around them.

Narcissist Has No Friends

Narcissists treat their friends like Watson and Hastings, who are obsequious and unthreatening, and provide them with an adulating gallery. Narcissists cannot empathize or love, and therefore have no real friends. They are interested in securing narcissistic supply from narcissistic supply sources. The narcissist overvalues people when they are judged to be potential sources of supply, and devalues them when no longer able to supply him, ultimately leading to the alienation and distancing of people.

Can You Love the Narcissist and Rescue Him?

Victims of narcissists often resort to fantasies and self-delusions to cope with their pain, believing that they can rescue the narcissist from their misery and misfortune. However, loving a narcissist is difficult, and any attempt to relate to them emotionally is doomed to failure. Narcissists are addicts in pursuit of gratification through the drug known as narcissistic supply, and they hone in on potential suppliers like cruise missiles. Victims of narcissists can become bitter and self-centered, lacking in empathy, and become more like the narcissist over time.

Narcissist and God: Love-Hate Relationship

The narcissist has a love-hate relationship with God, who is everything the narcissist wants to be. The narcissist alternately idealizes and devalues authority figures, and God is the ultimate authority figure. The narcissist maintains a facade of love for God even when disillusionment sets in because religious authority allows the narcissist to indulge in sadistic urges and exercise their narcissistic supply. The narcissist becomes God vicariously by the proxy of their relationship with him, idealizing, devaluing, and abusing him in the classic narcissistic pattern.

Fake, Narcissistic - or True Friend?

A true friend respects and trusts you only when you have earned it, while a fake, narcissistic friend respects and trusts you regardless of your behavior. A true friend shows you the truth, while a fake friend only shows you your own reflection. A true friend loves you for who you are, while a fake friend loves themselves in the friendship. With a true friend, love is its own reward, while with a fake friend, there must be some other benefit.

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