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Hookups Trap: Bad Sex, Female Raw Deal (Literature Review)

Uploaded 5/1/2021, approx. 1 hour 18 minute read

Minnie is back, and life smells different. Today's video is very, very, very long. Longer than anything I've ever done. And so I have a tip for you. Free of charge, of course. And this is the tip. This is the piece of advice.

Do not binge on the video. The video is divided into eight thematic parts. Re-visit the video. Watch each part separately. It's much more digestible this way. And much more importantly, it increases my views, which gives me narcissistic supply.

My name is Sam Vaknin. I'm the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited, and I'm a professor of psychology. A handsome one. And today's topic is, of course, what else? Sex, or more precisely, a variant of sex known as hookups.

I'm going to review the most recent literature about hookups. Hookups is sexual practice and sexual behavior.

Let's start with some problems in the discourse of sex, in how we discuss sex.

First of all, younger generations are not as gender-oriented as previous generations. My generation, for example.

So when you talk to young people, many of them would say, there's no such thing as a man. There's no such thing as a woman. This is just people. Personally, it makes my skin crawl. It chills my blood.

But I've heard it from many, many young people. They no longer regard other people as gendered. It's a unigender culture. Everyone is the same. It's like everyone has different genitalia, but what's that got to do with anything?

So men treat women and women treat men as though they had belonged to the same gender. And I call this phenomenon unigender.

So a lot of the discourse, a lot of the scholarly literature, academic literature, is biased in the sense that it makes distinction, gender distinctions between men and women when these are first becoming obsolete, actually.

Second problem, the language we use to discuss sex is the male point of view.

Let me give you one example. We use the word penetration. Penetrative sex or penetration is the male point of view. It is the male who penetrates the female.

But why not look at it from the female's point of view? The female engulfs the male, takes in the male, absorbs the male, swallows the male. I mean, why not say engulfment instead of penetration? Because that's the female point of view.

So our language is male chauvinistic when we discuss sex. Next thing, most of the studies we have of sexual practices are confined to highly specific populations. And the vast majority of these studies have to do with college students in North America. The biggest studies I'm aware of incorporate 21 countries, including China and Russia. So college students in other countries. But college students are a self-selecting sample and a non-representative part. Only a minority of people in certain age groups, in very young age groups, attend college and university. The vast majority do not. And so when we study the sexual practices of college students, we learn precious little about the sexual practices of older people, about the sexual practices of the same peer group or age group who are not college students, for example, in trade schools. So there's a caveat there. College students, because of the specific environment, behave in highly typical ways. They are reactive to the environment, as we will discuss later. Okay. These are the problems in the scholarly literature.

What about hookups? What are the recent trends in hookups?

So multiple studies have shown that there is a decline, a decline in vaginal sex, a precipitous decline in vaginal sex, and a corresponding increase in oral and anal sex. This is attributed by scholars to the influence of pornography. It might be so.

But also, I think, vaginal sex is much more intimate than anal sex and even oral sex. It's also perceived as sex. Oral sex had been desexed by young people.

When you talk to young people, and I say young, I would say even in their 40s and down. When you talk to young people, many of them will tell you that oral sex is not sex. Many of them will tell you that hookups is not sex.

In other words, young people tend to desexualize multiple sex acts and consider them as not sex. They reserve the word sex to intimate physical contact in relationships.

And because they don't have relationships, by and large, they actually regard themselves as sexless. Never mind how many sex acts they engage in.

So oral and anal, or at least oral, is considered not sex. Vaginal is intimate.

The fear of intimacy, the avoidance of intimacy and avoidance of relationships, hurt aversion, fear of pain, fear of abandonment, fear of rejection, all these conspire to decrease the amount of vaginal sex because vaginal sex may lead to attachment and bonding which are no-no among the young.

Another trend is compulsive sexting. Compulsive sexting is on the rise. Compulsive sexting is multiple acts of sexting with total strangers. And when I say multiple, I mean 20 strangers, 50 strangers, 100 strangers, sexting with total strangers. Compulsive sexting is strongly associated with dark triad traits.

In other words, compulsive sexting is associated with psychopathy, narcissism, and Machiavellianism. It's a power play because it involves exhibitionism. Exhibitionism is the gratification that emerges from exposing yourself sexually to other people.

But part of this gratification is that you can make them do things. For example, you can shock them, you can surprise them, you can titillate them, and arouse them.

So exhibitionism is a strong power play component.

Compulsive sexting is therefore closely associated with psychopathy.

As compulsive sexting becomes normative practice, more and more normative, it's still not, but it's about to become more and more normative, the associated psychopathic traits are on the rise, as we will discuss later.

The next trend is an increase in distress, in depression and anxiety among the young. And when I say an increase, I'm not talking about 10% increase. I'm not even talking about 100% increase. I'm talking about 500% increase, 300% increase in depression and anxiety, respectively.

The young are five times more depressed and three times more anxious than their predecessors. And this had happened in 10 years, between 2007 and 2018. This quintupling of severe mental health disorders among the young had happened in this decade. And it is closely correlated with screen time, the use of screens, such as smartphones or laptops, but also with impersonal, non-intimate, non-committed sex.

Distress, depression and anxiety are intimately correlated with lack of intimacy, with hookups.

The fact is, and this fact had emerged in numerous studies in many countries, the fact is very few people want to hookup. Very few people want one-night stents.

There are people who love hookups and adore one-night stents, but they are a tiny minority.

The vast majority of men and women prefer relationships and intimacy.

But everyone is pressured to do casual sex. Everyone is expected to have one-night stents and to hookup.

Why?

Because it's bonton. It's cool. It's the trend. It's trending. People hate it. Afterwards, women mostly feel regret. Some people feel shame.

And even if they don't feel anything or they think it was great, they pay the price in increasing depression and anxiety over the lifespan.

We had connected irretrievably and irrevocably hookups, casual sex and one-night stents with depression and anxiety, even if the depression and anxiety emanate from an unconscious reaction to the casual sex.

Two types of sexual encounters were particularly predictive of sexual regret, engaging in penetrative intercourse with someone known less than 24 hours and engaging in penetrative intercourse with someone only once.

Among a sample of 1,743 individuals who had experienced a previous one-night stand, Campbell in 2008 showed that most men and women have combinations of both positive and negative affective reactions following this event.

Men had stronger feelings of being sorry because they felt they had used another person, whereas women had stronger feelings of regret because they felt used.

Among a sub-sample of 311 young adults with hookup experience, when the scholars asked them to generally characterize the morning after a hookup encounter, 82% of men and 57% of women were generally glad they had done it, Garcia and Reibert in 2008.

But that was the conscience reaction. Consciously, they said they liked it.

By the way, notice the disparity, notice the discrepancy. 82% of men were glad they had a hookup, but only 57% of women.

Women get a raw deal in casual sex, as we will discuss in this video lecture.

In a study of 832 college students, 26% of women and 50% of men reported a positive emotional reaction following a hookup. 49% of women and 26% of men reported a negative reaction.

So when it comes to positivity, positive reactions to hookups, men prevail. When it comes to negative reactions to hookups, women prevail.

It's a theme that will follow us throughout this lecture.

In a large, web-based study of 1,468 undergraduate students, participants reported a variety of consequences. 27.1% felt embarrassed. 24.7% reported emotional difficulties.

This is after hookups. 20.8% experienced a loss of respect. 10% reported difficulties with a steady partner thereafter.

Luis and allies, 2011. In another recent study conducted on 200 undergraduate students in Canada, 78% of women and 72% of men reported a history of experiencing regret following such an encounter. Fisher at Allies, 2012.

All in all, it seems that hookups, casual sex, one-night stands are associated with disappointment, regret, shame, a sense of loss of respect, a sense of having been used or abused.

And this is dominant among women mostly, but surprisingly also in a majority of men.

While majorities, different majorities, but still majorities were glad they had the hookup, a day later, two days later, they felt very differently. Something I will come to a bit later.

It seems that we experience one set of emotions during the hookup, especially if it's accompanied with alcohol or drugs and an entirely different set of emotions, negative emotions, following the hookup.

There were a few sex differences in reasons for regret and better quality sex reduced the degree of regret reported. Fisher at Allies, 2012.

In a study of 270 sexually active college-aged students, 72% regretted at least one instance of previous sexual activity, Oswald, Cameron and Cojoc, 2005.

In a report of 152 female undergraduate students, 74% of women had either a few or some regrets from uncommitted sex. 61% had a few regrets. 23% had no regrets. 13% had some regrets. 3% had many regrets.

Eshboun and Guttler, 2008. The categorical presence of uncommitted sex in a female's sexual history was related to higher overall regret scores from sexual activity.

In a study of 394 young adults across a university semester, those participants with more depressive symptoms and greater feelings of loneliness who engage in penetrative sex hookups, subsequently reported a reduction in depressive symptoms and feelings of loneliness.

O-M, 2011.

But listen to something amazing. At the same time, the participants were reported less depressive symptoms and fewer feelings of loneliness and then engaged in penetrative sex hookups subsequently reported an increase in depressive symptoms and feelings of loneliness.

So if you engage in a hookup because you're depressed or you're lonely, it's going to make you more depressed and lonelyyou're lonely, it's going to make you more depressed and lonely. If you engage in a hookup because you are depressed and lonely, it's going to make you less depressed and lonely. If you engage in a hookup while you're happy and not lonely, it's going to make you feel depressed and lonely.

In a study among 291 sexually experienced individuals, those who had most regret after uncommitted sex also had more symptoms of depression than those who had no regret.

O-M, 2006. In the same sample, women's but not men's degree of depressive symptoms increased with number of previous sex partners within the last year. Women react to one-night stands and hookups and casual sex very differently to men. They react badly.

In the first study to investigate the issue of self-esteem and hookups, both men and women who had ever engaged in an uncommitted sexual encounter had lower overall self-esteem scores compared to those without uncommitted sexual experiences.

Paul at Allies, 2000. So hookups can result in guilt, in shame, in negative feelings.

In a study of 169 sexually experienced men and women surveyed in singles bars, when the researcher posed the question, do you feel guilty or would you feel guilty about having sexual intercourse with someone you had just met? An astounding 32% of men and 72% of women agreed with the statement. Yes, they would feel guilty. They would feel guilty about having sex with someone they just met. 72% of women and, shockingly, one-third of men.

Harold and Muhney, 1993. The percentage of women expressing guilt was more than twice that of men, you noticed.

This is consistent with a classic study by Clark and Hatfield, 1989. That study demonstrated that men are much more likely than women to accept casual sex offers from attractive confederates.

Conley, in 2011, replicated this experiment and extended demonstrating that under certain conditions of perceived comfort, the gender differences in acceptance of casual sex is diminished.

In a study of 333 men and 363 women on a college campus, in deliberate hookup situations, women had more thoughts of worry, more thoughts of vulnerability, issues of trust, much more than men. Townsend and Wasserman, 2011.

Relative descriptions of hookups reveal relative gender differences in terms of feelings afterwards, with women displaying more negative reactions than men.

Paul and Hayes, 2002. This is also consistent with earlier work demonstrating a gender difference, with women generally identifying more emotional involvement in seemingly low-investment, uncommitted sexual encounters than men.

Townsend, 1995. It's an early study.

Moreover, in a study of 141 first trimester undergraduates, women, but not men, who had engaged in penetrative intercourse during hookup, showed higher rates of mental distress. Only women.

Fielder and Carey, 2010. Possibly contributing to findings on gender differences in thoughts of worry, in a sample of 507 undergraduate students, more women than men leaned toward a relationship outcome following a hookup. Only 4.4% of men and 8.2% of women expected a traditional romantic relationship as an outcome of a hookup, while 29% of men and 43% of women ideally did want such an outcome.

Garcia and Reiberg, 2008. So, they did not expect a romantic relationship to evolve from a hookup, but they really, really wanted it. Half of them wanted it. Badly.

It is likely that a substantial portion of emerging adults today are compelled, and I'm quoting from an article, it is likely that a substantial portion of emerging adults today are compelled to publicly engage in hookups, whilst desiring both immediate sexual gratification and more stable, long-term romantic attachments. It's very sad. It's very sad because people are driven to one-night stands, hookups, sex on first days, because they look for warmth, intimacy, relationships, a partner, and they keep failing, and they keep failing because they don't dare to talk about it. They don't dare to communicate honestly and openly because they are afraid to be rejected.

So, they end up having a long string of one-night stands and casual sex and so on, each time fantasizing about something wonderful is going to happen and it's not happening. It never happens, or rarely happens.

Not all hookup encounters are wanted or consensual. Individuals occasionally consent to engage in a sexual act, but do not necessarily want sex.

Peterson and Muhlenhardt in 2007. In some cases, women are afraid to be raped. So, they agree to sex, having found themselves in the men's apartment or in a hotel room. They agree to sex because the alternative is much worse and that way they can pretend they have control.

27% of women who had sex on a first date were raped.

I repeat this amazing number, a number that is absolutely unknown, between 25 and 27% of women who went with a man to his apartment or to a hotel room after a first date and did not want sex, were raped.

In a sample of 178 college students, participants noted that the majority of their unwanted sex occurred in the context of hookups. 78% during a hookup, 14% in an ongoing relationship and 8% on a date.

Flack at Allies 2007.

Similarly, a sample of 761 women students in this sample, approximately 50% of women reported at least one experience of unwanted sex, Hill, Garcia and Geher 2012. Of those women, 70% experienced unwanted sex in the context of a hookup, 57% in the context of a committed romantic relationship, Hill 2012.

Even more worry, a proportion of hookups involves non-consensual sex, as I just mentioned.

Step to put it less gently, hookups lead to rape.

In a study by Lewis at Allies 2011, 86% of participants portrayed their most recent hookup experiences they wanted to have, but 7.6% indicated that the most recent hookup was an experience they did not want to have or in which they were unable to give consent because for example, they were drunk and conscious and unwanted and non-consensual sexual encounters are more likely occurring along alcohol and substance abuse, of course.

Hookups typically go hand in hand with extreme substance abuse, extreme intoxication, blackouts, drug abuse or drugs coupled with alcohol, pills coupled with alcohol, antidepressants and xeolytics. And these are intended to disinhibit shy people or socially phobic people and so on.

But they also lead to unwanted consequences like sexual assault and rape.

Now to make one thing clear, 25% to 27% had been raped, end of story, but I think the number is much higher because I think many women say yes to sex in order to avoid rape and violence. I think the figure is as high as 50% or 60%.

Of course, the double standard prevails. Social sexual double standard creates a greater pressure for women and on women.

I refer you to studies by Crawford, OPP, 2003, Fisher et. al. 2012, etc.

Armstrong, England and Fogarty in 2009, they studied sexual satisfaction. There's a large study of online survey with responses from 12,295 undergraduates from 17 different colleges.

And so, for example, carnilingus often facilitates a woman's orgasm. And participants were asked about oral sex and orgasm in the most recent hookups and relationship events.

Men reported receiving oral sex in both hookups and in relationships, much more than women. In first time hookups, 55% included only men receiving oral sex, no oral sex for the woman, therefore no orgasm. 19% only women receiving oral sex and 27% mutually giving and receiving.

And so, men reached orgasm much more frequently than women.

Mind you, in hookups, one night stands and casual sex, orgasm is extremely rare, much more rare than you think, even for men. A small minority of men reach orgasm in hookups and very, very small minority of women.

Estimates vary, but about one-third of men and maybe half of men, depending on the study, and one-third of this, about 20% of women reach orgasm.

In other words, hookup sex sucks big time. It's cold, it's often non-consensual, not fully consensual, it's one-sided, autoerotic, it's glorified masturbation, and even this doesn't lead to orgasm. It's a really, really ugly, ugly, objectifying, depression-inducing sexual practice.

So why do people continue to have hookups? Why do they engage in one-night stands?

Well, partly because they have no sexual alternatives, and partly because they have no partners, regular partners, but in big part, because it's expected of them.

We will come shortly to the role of pornography and mass media, but the messages, they're bombarded with messages by mass media and pornography, hookups are good, casual sex is great, go for it, it's great, it's empowering, it puts you in control.

In first-time hookups, 31% of men and 10% of women reach orgasm.

These are the facts. 31% and 10% compare it to a typical romantic intimate relationship with a regular partner.

In a sexual relationship, 85% of men and 68% of women reach orgasm, compared to 31% and 10% in a hookup.

Armstrong in 2009 concluded with an important message of quoting, a challenge to the contemporary sexual double standard would mean defending the position that young women and men are equally entitled to sexual activity, sexual pleasure and sexual respect in hookups, as well as in relationships.

To achieve this, the attitudes and practices of both men and women need to be confronted. Men should be challenged to treat even first hookup partners as generously as the women they hook up with treat them.

Talk about wishful thinking.

There are some general trends and casual sex, hookups and so on fit into these trends.

First of all, there's a decline in the formation of relationships, including less formal, more loose relationships, such as friends with benefits.

Total decline. Marriage is about to vanish, literally. It's postponed and then only a small, only something like one third or 40% of young men and women tie the knot.

So marriage as an institution is in serious risk. It's about to become an extinct species, but relationships in general are in serious trouble.

There's an absolute collapse in relationship formation.

Now, some scholars say that hookups, casual sex, and one might stand, they create a deficit in the ability to form intimacy.

In other words, young men and women are not acquiring the skills needed to function within a relationship to preserve it, to maintain it and to make it flourish, even to initiate a relationship.

They don't know. You talk to young men and women, young, I say, less than age 30. You talk to them.

They don't know the first thing about dating. They don't know the first thing about courting, about flirting, about making the other person happy, about compromising, about living together, cohabiting, nothing.

They are absolutely clueless about relationships.

They know how to dress provocatively, pick up a guy at the bar and bang his brains out. They know how to flex their muscles, pick up a chick and bang her brains out.

It all sounds like a slaughterhouse, not like a sex scene. It's perfunctory. It's brief. It's ugly. It's disappointing. It's regrettable. It's non-inspiring. It's non-orgasmic sex, which is not very conducive to having long-term relationships.

You learn nothing in this kind of sex.

Many young people say, well, I'm having sex on the first date because I want to test the sexual compatibility with a potential partner.

That's nonsense. It is self-serving nonsense for two reasons.

In the vast majority of hookups on one-night stands and first dates, it's not a potential partner you're dating. It's not a potential partner you're with. It's a sex partner. It's a big difference.

And sex on the first date can teach you nothing about sex on a fourth date or a ninth date.

Sex is a function of intimacy. As intimacy grows, sex improves. Sex on the first date always sucks. There's nothing you can learn from it. It leads you nowhere. You definitely can't learn about the compatibility with a partner. It's utter self-serving nonsense.

It's a resolution of cognitive dissonance. I didn't want to do it, but I did it because I had a mission to verify compatibility.

As number of sex partners increased, marital thoughts decreased for both sexes. It's from a study by Townsend and Wasserman, 2011.

Sexlessness and celibacy are on the increase, as we will see a bit later.

At the same time, alcohol consumption is decreasing. In other words, what we are having is people try hookups. They try one-night stands. They try casual sex. They are sorely disappointed, broken, depressed, and anxious. They start to drink. Some of them start to do drugs. But then they cut themselves off from the scene. They drink and do drugs in order to engage in hookups and casual sex.

But at some point they say, enough. I'm giving up on men. I'm giving up on women. This whole thing sucks. I'm going to be alone. I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life. I'm going to play with my pets. I'm going to focus on my career. I don't need this. The prize is not worth the prize. There are no men out there. There are no women out there.

So they give up on the other gender. They give up on sex. Sexlessness and celibacy had exploded. There's a supernova of sexlessness and celibacy among the young.

And of course, sexting and pornography come to the breach, come to the rescue. So digital sex, cyber sex in all its forms had taken over. And many of these young men and women engage in simulations of sex, in virtual sex, in digital sex.

At the same time, because they no longer need to engage in real life sex, they don't need to disinhibit. And actual alcohol consumption has been decreasing.

Sexting and other types of digital sex, they had become normative as a form of long distance relationship and a substitute for casual sex with total strangers or relative strangers. They're exposing new patterns afoot.

There's a withdrawal from sex. There's an abolition of relationships, intimate relationships. There's a breakdown between the genders, each gender retreating to its own enclave, refusing to meet the other gender, because the disappointment is enormous. Disappointment is overwhelming. Men don't want women. Women don't want men anymore. There are even movements of men going their own way. Red pillars and movements of women, radical feminists and just women who had become schizoid, recklessness and Hermes at home, all alone sexting with strangers from time to time.

And that's it. This is their sex life.

At the same time, there's a tsunami of sexually transmitted infections and diseases, a leftover, a throwback to the wave of attempted casual sex in the past. And this tsunami is just coming. It's delayed, but it's coming.

There's an explosion in sexual diseases.

But what is a hookup? It keeps saying hookup and hookup. What is it?

Glenn and Mark Vaknin in 2001 defined a hookup in very, may I say, male chauvinistic terms or heterosexual chauvinistic terms.

They said, when a girl and a guy get together for a physical encounter and don't necessarily expect anything further.

Well, of course, this excludes gays, lesbians, and it's unfair.

There's actually the frequency of casual sex among homosexuals, gays, lesbians is much higher than among heterosexuals. So it's not a very helpful definition.


OK, part two. Remember what I told you? I'm going to say part.

So this is part two. You can stop here, come back to the video tomorrow and look for part two.

Part two is, in part two, I'm going to try to review the more current situation, more updated situation.

I'm going to start with an article titled, Why are fewer young adults having casual sex?

It was authored by Scott, Scott South and Lai Lai. It was published in Sociological Research for a Dynamic World, Volume 7, in March 2021.

And I'm going to quote in each part extensively from articles.

Rather than reinvent the wheel, I'm simply going to let the authors speak for themselves.

So I'm quoting from the article. Fewer young adults are engaging in casual sexual intercourse now than in the past.

But the reasons for this decline are unknown.

The authors used data from 2007 to 2017 to quantify some of the proximate sources of the decline in the likelihood that unpartnered young adults aged 18 to 23 have recently had sexual intercourse.

Among young women, the decline in the frequency of drinking alcohol explains about one quarter of the drop in the propensity to have casual sex.

Among young men, declines in drinking frequency, an increase in computer gaming and the growing percentage of men who co-reside with their parents all contribute significantly to the decline in casual sex.

The association between the frequency of drinking and the propensity to engage in casual sex is particularly noteworthy. The odds that young women who report drinking daily engage in casual sex are almost seven times the odds for young women who report never drinking.

So if you're a young woman who drinks every day, you're seven times more likely to engage in casual sex, one-light stands, sex on first dates, hookups, seven times more likely than a young woman your age who doesn't drink at all.

Clearly alcohol has a huge role to play in these behaviors.

The authors find no evidence that trends in young adults' economic circumstances, internet use or television watching explain the recent decline in casual sexual activity.

The percentage of young adults who engage in sexual intercourse has been declining in recent years. Twenge, Sherman and Wells in 2017 report that the percentage of adults aged 20 to 24 who did not have sex in the past year had increased from 12% in 2000 to 2009 to 15% in 2010 to 2014.

Using a slightly different age range and timeframe, WEDA and allies in 2020 found that the percentage of sexually inactive men ages 18 to 24 increased from 19% in 2000 to 2002 to 31% in 2016, 2018.

Onethird of young men are not having sex and the percentage of sexually inactive young women increased from 15 to 19% over the same period.

Young women are having more sex than young men.

That also means that young women have a much higher number of sexual partners than they used to, as we shall see a bit later.

Although similar declines in sexual activity are found among older age groups, the decline in sexual activity has been most acute among teenagers and young adults.

Abma in Martinez, 2017, Ethier, Khan and McManus, 2018.

However, the decline in sexual activity among unmarried young adults, WEDA, 2020, suggests that the decline in casual sex parallels the more general decline in sexual frequency among young adults.

To put all this scholarly language in context, young adults are not having sex of any kind in relationships, casual, you name it, they're not having sex.

And within this group, women are having more sex than men.

And consequently, that means that women are forced to have a much higher number of sexual partners.

Social Problems is an academic journal. In 2019, it published a seminal article, a very important article. The article is titled Doing Casual Sex:, a Sexual Fields Approach to the Emotional Force of Hookup Culture. It was written by one of the most preeminent scholars of sexuality among the young. Her name is Lisa Wade, and I recommend and advise to find anything she had ever written and read it. She's a bit assertive, not to say grandiose, but she's a wonderful scholar, and she had unearthed many trends and had established the field in many ways.


Let me read to you from her article, published in 2019.

Her words are pearls.

Sex on college campuses has emerged as a source of emotional distress for students, says Lisa Wade.

Hookup culture's central emotional imperative is to be casual about sex.

Students, she says, enact sexual casualness by hooking up only when they're drunk, refraining from any tenderness, being unfriendly after the hookup, and avoiding repeat hookups.

Students both break and follow these rules. Breaking the rules is a primary way that they form romantic relationships, but also breaking the rules is a source of stigma, especially for women.

This process helps explain some of the negative emotional consequences of hookup culture, as well as how hookup culture suppresses relationship formation and friends with benefits arrangements.

By making direct communication abnormal, co-opting the relationship formation process, and stigmatizing romantic interest, hookup culture leaves some students feeling confused, fearful, or angry.

Regardless of how casual about sex these students truly are or where, regardless of whether they had feelings for their partners, students followed the specific rules for demonstrating casualness much of the time.

Four rules for doing casualness emerged.

Rule number one, drunkenness functions symbolically to code sexual activity as non-romantic. I was drunk. I was not in love. Tenderness indicated care, and tenderness, therefore, was avoided if one wanted sexual activity to seem as if it were not serious.

Aloofness demonstrated that an encounter did not initiate and did not strengthen an emotional bond, and the restricting of repeat hookups ensured that students did not start hooking up a step towards relationships.

Students who followed these rules affirmed the structure of desire and maximized their sexual capital. Students themselves, however, often did have feelings for their partners.

College students report rising levels of depression, anxiety, and stress, and one contributing factor is sexual experiences.

Referring to Bursam at Allies 2013, Egan at Allies 2014, Fischer at Allies 2012, Louis at Allies 2012, Oswald at Allies 2018, Reynolds 2019, Weybridge 2017, a giant body of studies show that students want connectedness, want emotions, want relationships, want intimacy, but they are afraid to express it. They're terrified to communicate because then they will not look hip. They will not look hip. They will not look cool. They will be stigmatized and mocked and derided. So they're hiding this. They're denying and negating their own emotional needs, and this creates depression and anxiety.

This includes a primary way students initiate sexual contact on most residential college campuses today, hooking up sexual contact with no acknowledged or actual romantic intent.

BOGO, 2008, Ford, England, and Birak, 2015, and Lisa Wey herself in 2017.

hookups often occur, often happen, in the context of hookup culture, an environment in which casual sex activity is ideologically hegemonic and routinely enacted.

Padget and Wey, 2019, FAM, PHAM, 2017, Watson, SNAP, and Wang, 2017, in Portland, 2016.

Some students thrive. They love this hookup culture.

There are studies by Vrangelova and Ong, 2014. Some. There are several indications that hookup culture pleases some students, but it fails to provide the breadth of sexual engagement that most students desire.

The students are happy. They're a tiny minority. Most students are a minority.

Most students desire more, want more. A third of students choose to not hook up because of this, though most would prefer to be sexually active.

Ford, England, and Birak, 2015, Wey, 2017. More than two-thirds of men and women, more than two-thirds of men and women, wish they had more opportunities for romance, including half of men and women actively hooking up.

See also Kalish, 2014, Kratzner and Obry, 2016, Cooperberg and Padget, 2015, Uekka, Pierce and Andrzejk, 2015.

Many students idealize friends with benefits arrangements, but they struggle to maintain them in the face of the hookup tsunami.

Bison and Levine, 2009, night, 2014, Mongo and allies, 2016.

And these measures indicate dissatisfaction with hookup culture, though not necessarily a lack of interest in hooking up per se.

Students want to hook up, but they want to hook up in order to find relationships, intimacy, love, and a partner. They don't want to hook up to have a single sexual encounter. They hate this. It depresses them. It creates anxiety.

Though both men and women report dissatisfaction with hookup culture, it harms women, says Lisa Wade, more acutely.

Women are more likely to regret their hookups. They have a sense of loss of respect.

Fisher and allies, 2012, Ford, England, Birak, 2015. Women hooking up with men are one-third as likely to experience an orgasm. For every three men who experience an orgasm, only one woman does.

And these three men, they are 10 percent, only 10 percent, experience orgasm in a hookup. It's shocking. These are shocking numbers. 14 percent of college women report being sexually assaulted compared to 3 percent of men in hookups.

Mullenhaad and others in 2016. Research confirms that many students believe emotionless hookups are both typical and ideal because this is what the culture is. This is what mass media is telling them. This is to be hip and cool and in and fitting and belonging, which are prime motivators, prime drivers and prime urges of teenagers.

Basically, students are teenagers. Today, we consider adolescence to end, to extend to age 25. Young adults are essentially glorified adolescents. They want to fit in. They want to belong.

This peer pressure, asked what students think the average student feels while hooking up, students' most common answer was lust and pleasure, 65 percent, followed by desirable or wanted, 17 percent, and nothing focused on the hookup, 17 percent.

Paul and Hayes, 2002. Fewer than 5 percent of respondents mentioned emotional connection with no gender difference.

In a second study, inquiring into students' ideal hookup, relationship potential was mentioned by 11 percent of respondents and only 18 percent said talking to their partner was ideal.

Crazier and Aubrey, 2016. In other words, deep inside, they want to talk to the partner. They want an emotional connection, but they don't dare. Only 18 percent talk to the partner. They transitioned almost immediately to the sex. There was very little talking.

Lovejoy in 2015 found that clear communication between partners is outside the norm. It's not accepted. It's wrong move. It's for part. It's not done. You shouldn't talk to your hookup partner. You should just have sex.

For both men and women, the premise of a hookup is decidedly non-romantic, says Lisa Wade.

In this sense, hookup culture reflects the stalled revolution. The idea that women have embraced traits and activities labeled traditionally as masculine, but men have not done the inverse.

In fact, since the 1970s, the rate at which both men and women report masculine stereotype personality traits for themselves has increased. Both men and women are identifying as masculine, but more so for women in that both sexes describe themselves as at least somewhat masculine.

Twenge, 1997. Many young women in college simply apply this logic to sexuality.

Wade, 2017. Women are saying, I'm a man now. I'm a man now and I should behave as a man. I should initiate. I should bang someone's brains out. I should pick up men.

So women had become masculine, more masculine, and had adopted the role models and the gender roles of traditional men, traditional males. So they had become more men-like, but men had remained men.

And the end result is we have a unigender. We have only men. We have men with vaginas and men with penises. There's no charm. There's nothing left except a transactional exchange of fluids and a fitting in of one set of genitalia in another, a lock and key, as romantic as inserting a lock in a key, more or less.

Despite the non-romantic premise, says Lisa Wade, hookups do lead to commitment in some cases.

Hooking up, in fact, is the main route into romantic relationships with 66% of couples reporting a history of hookups.

Kaelish, 2014. Kupferberg in Padgett, 2015. Also Siebenböhne, in 2013.

But don't mistake the numbers. A small minority of hookups lead to romantic relationships.

But in majority of romantic relationships, there used to be a hookup that shows you how dire the situation is. A tiny percentage of hookups lead to romantic relationships.

And so that means there are no romantic relationships left. Almost none. People don't interact anymore as couples, romantically, in dials. People are totally atomized. They venture out into bars and pubs and clubs. They pick up a casual partner, a stranger. They go to his or her apartment. They have sex and they separate never to see each other again. That is the sex life of the young.

Romantic relationships? Think of the past. Marriages obsolete and extinct. Is this good? It's decidedly not good. This is not moralising. I'm not expressing value judgment. It's decidedly not good because our brains are built the way they are. Our brains are built for attachment and intimacy and commitment and long-term relationships. That's how our brains are built. If we deny them that, our brains go haywire. They develop depression and anxiety, substance abuse. It leads to really seriously bad outcomes or schizoid withdrawal, narcissism.

Many hookups, says Lisa Wade, do not lead to relationships.

Accordingly, though most students desire the opportunity to form stronger emotional bonds with their sexual partners, they also overestimate how much their peers enjoy hooking up and underestimate their interest in emotional intimacy and monogamy.

She refers to studies by Behringer and Elisabeth Blassini in 2011, Chia and Gammon in 2006 and so on.

Partry has to do with the culture. How can we possibly take it from here? This is based on an article published in Sexual Resolutions and Policy. The article is titled Hookup Culture, Setting a New Research Agenda by Caroline Heldman, Lisa Wade. And again, I'm going to read, I'm going to quote from the article verbatim.

Rise in incidents of anal sex and reordering of the sexual script to place oral sex before intercourse.

Garcia and Riper 2008 study, nine in 10 students report physical pleasure as a motivation for hooking up, while 54%, 54% reported emotional reasons for the hookup, which never get actualized, never get satisfied.

Several studies have found that the potential to form a relationship is a main motivation for both men and women to hook up, though there is an often modest gender difference with women more often hoping for a relationship than men.

Armstrong et al. 2009, Bogle 2007, 2008, England 2008, Garcia and Riber 2008.

Garcia and Riber find that only 6% actually expect to be successful in this endeavor. More than half wish, more than half, won the hookup to develop into a relationship, but only 6% expected to.

England 2008 found that less than half of students, 47% of women, 36% of men, expressed an interest in starting a relationship with their most recent hookup part.

Still, among the students studied by Garcia and Riber, only 13% say that it would be ideal for nothing to happen from the hookup. 87% want something to develop from the hookupthat it would be ideal for nothing to happen from the hookup. 87% want something to develop from the hookup.

It's a statistic that runs counter to the common claim that most hookups are thought of as no strings attached encounters. This is nonsense.

Casual sex, one night stands, and hookups are very, very emotionally meaningful. Hookups are the new pathway to relationships, but it's a fraught pathway and it leads often, very often, nowhere.

While very few hookups actually lead to a dating relationship.

Paul 2006, students do form committed monogamous relationships, Armstrong 2009, but these relationships tend to evolve out of a string of hookups.

Hooking up.

Studies find that much hookup sex is unpleasurable or coercive. Flack 2007, Paul 2006, Wade and Hellman 2010. Quantitative studies show that there is a significant orgasm gap between men and women who woke up. Armstrong found that the first time two partners woke up, women orgasm only 32% as often as men. The ratio improves with repeated hookups, with women experiencing orgasm 49% as often with regular hookup partners, but still men experience orgasm much more.

Many women consent to sexual encounters and behaviors that they do not desire. Littleton 2009, Paul 2006, Flack 2007. These findings mirror those of researchers examining the sexual lives of adolescents, especially adolescent girls, who feel empowered to say yes to sex, but have a difficult time shaping the trajectory of a sexual encounter once it had begun.

Holland 1998, Tallman 1994.

In other words, women delude themselves, deceive themselves into thinking that they are in control of the sex, even when they are the one to initiate the sex and pick up the partner.

Once a sexual encounter starts, women are at enormous disadvantage.

And, as I said, the numbers are staggering. A very big minority end up having non-consensual sex and borders on rape.

Hookup culture facilitates sexual assault. Armstrong and Hamilton 2009, Flack 2007, Littleton 2009, Wade and Hellman 2010.

Sexual assault with the consequences that women headed for college have a significantly greater likelihood of being sexually assaulted than non-college peers.

Karjani 2002.

During college, young women have 20 to 25% chance of experiencing an attempted or completed sexual assault or rape. AAUW 2009.

Using representative student samples from two liberal arts colleges, Flack found major differences in experiences of sexual assault among those who participate in hookup culture and those who do not.

Hookup is the path to rape. One-fourth of students who report hooking up also report being raped. While none of the 55 students who have never hooked up reported rape.

Overall, 78% of coerced vaginal, anal and oral sex occurred during hookups. While some students express unequivocal enjoyment of hookup culture, a majority report emotional distress to varying degrees.

For these students, no strings are tied and counter, that is unlikely to lead to emotional connection, is bad, is not wanted. It leaves them feeling lonely and isolated.

Paul 2006, Wade and Hellman 2010.

The frequent disconnect between what students want and what students get is one reason for hookup culture's emotional toll.

Freitas 2008, Garcia and Rabbi 2008, Hall 2006, Paul and Hayes 2002.

And there's a double standard. While men continue to gain social status by sexually consuming a large number of women, women who do the same with men, women who engage in too much sexual activity, they're labeled sluts.

Armstrong 2009, Bogle 2008.

Students in England reported this, listen well what they were saying, in 2008. England is not a place, England is a study, they're a scholar in the study by England. Students said this, women who hook up with too many people, women who have casual sex readily, they're called sluts by both men and women.

While some men who hook up a lot are called men whores, also encounter accolades from other men for scoring more.

According to Paul, men use hookups to establish a socially dominant image and for masculine bragging rights. While women tend to show regret after hookups because they have been socialized about having sex outside of a relationship, how about how morally wrong it is for women to do so.

The men in Bogle's study, I quote, spoke about avoiding girls after a hookup, not calling girls back or thinking of good excuses to get out of spending time with these girls they had just sex with.

The rules of hookup culture are more difficult to decode and navigate than the rules of dating, according to Bogle in 2008.

And this learning curve disadvantages first year female college students. They tend to go further than they otherwise would in hookups because they don't know how to say no. They hope that it will lead to a relationship.

Repeated engagement in unwanted sexual acts takes an emotional toll on many participants, both male and female, also males.

I refer you to Fright Us 2008.

Considering the various negative emotional consequences for both women and men, Paul writes, I quote, it appears that the social hookup context is posing a no win situation for youth.

Sexual propaganda is rife in media, albeit the sexual double standard for women persists.

There is an increasing trend toward later ages for coupling. Dating has become passé, and yet youths crave interpersonal belongingness and seem at a loss as to how to achieve it.

Yet another layer is youth's ineffective interpersonal negotiation of sexual and social interactions, exacerbated by the persistent social taboo against open and direct communication about sexuality, especially, if I may add, in hookup culture, where it's no no to talk about emotions, relationships, connections to the future, etc.

Hookup is the here and now. Hookup ends with a condom and a dismissal after the hookup.

Many men and women report having been thrown out of apartments in the middle of the night after six.

Feeling badly, students tend to internalize these problems and blame themselves instead of recognizing them as issues inherent in hookup culture.

Most students overestimate the frequency with which their peers hook up, how far they go in hookups, and the degree to which their peers enjoy hooking up.

Bogle, Freitas, Lambert at Allies 2003, Paul.

And so students, young people tell themselves, I tried hooking up. I tried one night stand. I tried sex on the first days. It sucks. It's disappointing. It left me heartbroken, undepressed, I'm anxious. I'm not enjoying it.

But if I'm not enjoying hooking up and all my peers love it, there must be something wrong with me.

Bogle explains that going, the going steady dating culture permeated college campuses between the 1920s to the 1960s.

Today is not the case.

Today, opportunities for hooking up are no longer balanced by a dating culture. You don't have by a dating culture. You don't have alternatives. There's no menu. The only way you can team up with someone from the opposite sex or from your own sex doesn't matter. The only way you can team up with someone for sex is via hookup.

People don't, I mean, young people don't date anymore. They don't have relationships anymore. They want sex. They have to pick up a stranger and have sex and then forget about him or forget about her. It's heartbreaking for the participants according to numerous studies.

Casual sex is now hegemonic and an interest in romance and relationship is widely seen as undesirable.

England 2008, so deep inside, these young people want romance. They want relationships. They want intimacy. They want long-term partners, but outwardly they must conform. They must show themselves off. So they say it's undesirable.

In fact, casual sex appears to have become so normative that in one study, one third of students report that the first time they had intercourse was during a hookup with a stranger.

Garcia and Riber 2008.

There are nine factors that may have contributed to the rise of hookup culture, according to the authors. College and university policies, cohabitation and so on, co-ed. The gender distribution of college students. There are many more women in colleges than men.

So men are a scarce commodity and women are forced to become promiscuous, to offer themselves to men, unreservedly, unconditioned.

Changes in the nature of alcohol use and increase among college students, a decrease in among the young and general population.

Access to and consumption of pornography, which is today absolutely widespread. 90% of young people consume pornography regularly.

I recommend that you read the book, Your Brain on Porn.

The increased sexual content of non-ponographic media, new self-objectification, self-trashing, self-objectification, treating yourself as a disposable tissue paper is considered somehow very gratifying, very arousing, very exciting sexually. It's a form of self-destruction, self-destructiveness, rising narcissism levels, new marriage norms and perceptions of sexual risk.

Studies show that 44% of college students now binge drink. I repeat this number because I mentioned it in an earlier video and I received a lot of flack people telling me that I'm talking nonsense. 44% of college students now binge drink habitually. Four drinks for women, five drinks for men every two hours on a regular basis.

I refer you to study by C-MAN, S-E-A-M-A-N, 2005, and this is up significantly from previous decades. Midka, 2009, C-MAN, 2005, Wechsler, 2000.

So, binge drinking is up dramatically and has become habitual.

Rates of alcohol and drug use before last sexual encounter rose 18% from 1991 to 2001. Brenner, 2002.

Alcohol use, if not drunkenness, is a central part of the hookup culture. Flack, 2007.

Women report consuming a median of four drinks prior to hooking up, while men report a median of six drinks. England, 2008.

Alcohol use is a primary predictor of engaging in intercourse, penetrative intercourse, during hookup.

Paul, 2006.

Some scholars have suggested that access to pornography via the Internet spurred hookup culture.

Fugue, 2008.

Gaussier and Reiber, 2008.

Today, over 90% of teens, it's very close to 100, over 90% of teens have access to Internet pornography.

The last massive study was woefully 20 years ago. Schmidt and Whatsworth was in 2002, and then in 2002, 90% had access.

You can imagine what's happening now. Pornography had emerged as a primary influence on young people, especially young men's attitudes toward sex and their own sexuality.

Wade, 2005, was among the first to write, Zimbardo, others.

Pornography both challenges the idea that good sex involves monogamous relationships.

And in the last 10 years, pornography has rewritten the sexual script to include blowjobs, kandalingus, and anal sex.

Jensen, 2007.

Parsonen, 2007.

The rising rates of anal and oral sex with blowjobs more common than kandalingus. And kandalingus rates declining suggest that pornography is influencing sexual scripts.

Armstrong, 2009.

So it seems that men took over the sex act, the sexual act. And men are now dictating to women. They want oral sex. They don't want to give oral sex. They want to receive oral sex. And they want anal sex.

Why?

Because they saw it in pornography.

One study found that adolescent girls and boys with access to internet pornography had been found to engage in sexual intercourse at a younger age than adolescents who had no access to pornography.

Krause and Russell, 2008.

The pornification of mass media, in addition to increased access to and use of pornography, also contributed this new raunch culture, Levi, 2005.

This culture celebrates sexually explicit images and themes, encourages young women to participate in their own sexual objectification and sexual self-trashing.

In recent featuring 12 to 22-year-olds and broadcast between 8 p.m. and 11 p.m., Aubrey in 2004 found that 91% of episodes contain some sexual reference with an average of eight sexual references per hour of programming.

With regard to effects of this viewing, Brown in 2006 tracked over 1,000 adolescents to assess the influence of their exposure to sexual content in television, magazines, movies, and music. And while participants who consumed the most sexual content were more than twice as likely to have sexual intercourse by age 14 than participants whose sexual media died at low, strangely, in black tins, this was not the case. In white tins, if you consumed pornography, you were twice as likely to have sex by age 14 than if you did not consume pornography.

But in black tins, it was the same ratio regardless of whether you had consumed pornography or not.

No one knows why. The pornification of mass media may correlate with participation in an endorsement of hookup culture, just as media violence is positively correlated with aggression.

Bushman and Anderson, 2001. Self-objectification, sexual self-trashing is a key process whereby girls and women learn to think of and treat their bodies as the objects of other people's desires, of men's desires. Zabrigen and Ella, 2007. And this self-trashing and self-objectification increased significantly in the past three decades. Tigeman, 2004.

But most notably in the 1990s, Levine and Kilborn, 2008.

Self-objectification, sexual self-trashing result from several factors, including the normalization of women's objectification in United States culture.

Noll and Fredrickson, 1998. The widespread sexualization of girls in US media, including very young adolescents.

Levine and Kilborn, Zabrigon. And the pornification of mainstream media that conveys objectifying norms.

Holdman, 2008.

Levine and Kilborn.

Self-objectification has been linked to earlier sexual experiences.

Martino, 2006.

But it has also been linked to decreased sexual agency for young women. They don't feel they can say no. They don't even feel they can say yes. They feel totally objectified without a will, without autonomy. And diminished communication with sexual partners.

Hirschman, 2006.

Self-objectification has also been linked to dampened sexual pleasure. Lower rates of erosability.

Sanchez and Kiefer, 2007. And other forms of sexual dysfunction.

Fredrickson, 2008.

Another possible cause of hookup culture is a steep increase in narcissism among the generation that came of age in the 1990s.

Twenge, 2007. The percentage of students who scored above the mean narcissistic personality inventory has increased by 30% between 1979 and 2006, leading generation Y, roughly those born after 1978, to be labeled Generation Me. Twenge, 2008. Narcissists are more likely than others to experience fleeting romantic relationships that lack intimacy.

And young people who view romantic relationships as conquest or gameplay narcissistic aspects are more likely than other students to engage in hookups.

Fall, 2000.

On to the next part. The next part is based on an article published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior. June, 2019. The article is titled Associations between motives for casual sex, depression, self-esteem, and sexual victimization. It was authored by John Marshall Townsend, Peter Jonathan, and Timothy Wasserman.

They say casual sex is an increasingly diverse phenomenon. Jonathan and Balzani, 2016. Schmidt and Jonathan, 2015. People may engage in one-night stands, hookups, friends with benefits relationships, boutique-owned relationships, and they are referring to studies by Massey and Meriwether, 2012. Jonathan, 2013. Jonathan Lee and Cassin, 2009, etc. Or consensual non-monogamy, swinging, polyamory, Jenks, 1998, describe these as a kind of casual sex.

Sometimes these casual encounters, in other words, sex outside the context of monogamous relationships, these casual encounters develop into relationships of a committed monogamous nature.

Gaussier and Fischer, 2015.

But interest in them is likely a function of people's sociosexuality or willingness to engage in attitudes about casual sex.

Individual differences in sociosexuality may appear in attitudes, behaviors, and desires.

Reference is made to an article by Penke and Asandoff, 2008. And sociosexuality, these attitudes, these behaviors, these desires connected to casual sex relate to well-being and victimization in men and women differently.

For example, penetrative hookups were associated in women but not in men with depressive symptoms and under indices of psychological distress.

Filter and Carry, 2010. Greer, 2006. Autonomous motives for casual sex. For example, I wanted the fun. It was pleasurable. I enjoyed it. These are autonomous motives.

Autonomous motives should be distinguished from non-autonomous motives. Non-autonomous motives is, for example, I wanted to please him. I wanted to be liked by him or by them. I accepted. I wanted to be accepted. I wanted to gratify him. I wanted to give him a gift. I was grateful to him.

These are all non-autonomous motives because they are focused on the other person, on the partner. Autonomous motives are focused on the agent, the person himself.

So it was fun. It was pleasure. It was enjoyment. I wanted it. That's an autonomous motive.

Autonomous and non-autonomous motives reflect differences in internal external locus of control.

People with autonomous motives engage in behaviors for personal reasons, whereas those with non-autonomous motives are guided by external forces such as rewards or avoiding punishments.

I refer you to literature by Ryan and Connell, 1989, Ryan and Desi, DECI, 2008, and Rangelova, 2015. Autonomous reasons for behavior correlate with greater psychological health and more effective performance, whereas the opposite is true of non-autonomous motives.

So to repeat, autonomous motives, I wanted to have fun. I wanted to have enjoyment. I wanted to explore my sexuality. I wanted to have an important experience.

Rangelova mentions these autonomous reasons. In reference to sex, non-autonomous motives reflect personal insecurities and depend upon other people's behaviors or reactions instead of one's own self-determination, agency, self-autonomy, and self-efficaciousness.

Insecurity and low self-esteem characterize women, for example, who engage in sex because of non-autonomous motives, regardless of how they behaved in the sex. Correlated individual differences in motives for casual sex usually go hand in hand with depression and self-esteem.

In other words, if someone has sex because of non-autonomous motives, because he wants to please, or to be accepted, or to be liked, this person is going to develop anxiety and depression.

Lifelong.

Or in 2014, Uruker, 2015, Rangelova, 2015. Compared to men, women have a higher risk of sexual victimization during casual sexual encounters, especially if they have sex for non-autonomous motives, and they do not stand up for themselves. Or because in their search for approval and affirmation, they would do anything. They would never say no. Or because they are afraid to be raped.

So they hook up with high-risk partners in high-risk environments which are conducive to sexual coercion.

I refer you to studies by Adam Skirtis in Forbes, 2004, Armstrong, 2006. Similarly, only social sexual behaviors, number of one-night stands, for example, but not sexual attitudes. Sex without love is okay, for example.

So only the behaviors were associated with sexual victimization in women, not the attitudes.

Townsend, Wasserman, and Rosenfeld, 2015.

So there were many studies about what we call less agentic sexual motives. Women who engage in sex that often they don't want because of non-autonomous reasons, because of other people, the other partner.

So I refer you to Abi Zawak, Buck Clinton, and McOslin, 2004. Adam Skirtis in Forbes, 2004. Armstrong, Hamilton, and Sweeney, 2006.

When people's motives involved romance or sexual pleasure, the casual sex experiences were associated with more positive outcomes. People reported more adverse psychological effects when the motives involved desire for relational intimacy, self-affirmation, partner approval.

That's Owen reported lower self-esteem, higher depression and anxiety, and more physical symptoms when they engage in casual sex for non-autonomous motives. They wanted to please someone. They wanted to gain a favor. They wanted to feel better about themselves. These are non-autonomous motives, and they lead to lower self-esteem and higher depression and anxiety.

Subsequent researchers classified participants with autonomous motives as sexually uninhibited, and participants with neither strong autonomous or non-autonomous motives as sexually uninspired.

I refer you to study by Urke, Peirce, and Undercheck, 2015.

Women were nearly three times more likely to be uninspired than uninhibited, and uninspired women had fewer sex partners and were less likely to report sexual assault and feeling pressure to have sex. They also had much higher self-esteem.

Uninhibited women had the opposite. They had much higher number of sex partners. They were more likely to report sexual assault. They were more likely to say yes to avoid sexual assault. They felt pressure to have sex, or they had sex for all the wrong reasons or for no reason, or for small reason, and they had a very low self-esteem.

In contrast, those clusters uninhibited, therefore within the hookup culture, had very negative outcomes.

I want to quote from the article, men and women with autonomous motives who are comfortable with their decisions, that encounters are casual, and ensure that their definitions of casual remain consistent with their partner's definitions, might enjoy casual sex without negative consequences.

In comparison, if men or women engage in sexual encounters to feel better about themselves, to please their partners, to be more popular, they are more likely to suffer from low self-esteem and depression, and women with these non-autonomous motives experience more sexual victimization.

Having casual sex with a regular partner may seem to be safer and offer greater intimacy, but women should be made aware that those who engage in such relationships are at risk of depression, psychological distress, and sexual victimization.

On to the next part.


So this is the end of one part. On to the next part. And the next part is a review, 2012, in the Review of General Psychology, 2012, June. A review of sexual hookup culture was authored by Justin Garcia, Chris Riber, Sean Macy, and Anne Meriwether, all prominent voices in the study of contemporary sexuality.

And they say, the themes of books, plots of movies, and television shows, and lyrics of numerous songs, all demonstrate a permissive sexuality among consumers.

Over the past 60 years, the prioritization of traditional forms of courting and pursuing romantic relationships has shifted to more casual hookups, Bogo, 2007, 2008.

Among heterosexual emerging adults of both sexes, hookups have become culturally normative. Dating for courting purposes has collapsed, decreased.

They used the word decreased, but actually it collapsed. Twenge demonstrated that in the single decade, 2008, 2018, dating among the young dropped by 51%.

So dating for courting purposes has decreased, and sexual behavior outside of traditional committed romantic pair bonds has become increasingly typical and socially acceptable.

In one sample of undergraduate college students, both men and women had nearly doubled the number of hookups compared to first dates, Bradshaw, Kahn, and Seville, 2010.

The most recent data in 2012 suggests that between 60 and 80% of North American college students have had some sort of hookup experience. 70% of sexually active, 12 to 21-year-olds reported having had uncommitted sex within the last year, Gueo, Welsh, Harper, and Dixon, 2003.

Similarly, in a sample of 7th, 9th, and 11th grades, 32% of participants had experienced sexual intercourse. 61% of sexually experienced teenagers reported a sexual encounter outside the context of a dating relationship.

This represents approximately one-fifth of the entire sample.

Manning, Giordano, and Longmore, 2006. Where do these encounters take place? What are the venues?

67% of hookups and casual sex and so on occur at parties, 57% at dormitories or fraternity houses, 10% at bars and clubs, 4% in cars, and 35% at any unspecified available place.

Paul and Hayes, 2002.

In a study of Canadian college students on spring break of those explicitly planning to participate in casual sex, 61% of men and 34% of women engage in intercourse within one day of meeting a new partner.

Matika Tinde, Harold, and Miu Hini, 1998.

These statistics echoed in another more recent report, where regardless of relationship status, approximately 30% of participants had sex with someone they had met on a spring break that day.

Soni El-Nadi, 2006. Such settings may help facilitate a pre-existing desire for hookups, playful atmosphere, in presence of alcohol.

There was a variety of settings where young men meet young women and vice versa, with whom they have casual sex. Again, 70% at a party, 56% at a singles bar, 43% while away on vacation, 28% at a dance, 7% while away on business, and 5% on a blind date.

These are figures from 1993. They've changed dramatically.

Harold and Miu Hini.

Phillips, in 2000, made the case that conflicting media discourse messages make it difficult for women to navigate sexual initiation.

The first sexual experiences described by the 30 participants were almost all quite negative, in some cases horrific, bordering on violent, sadistic, sexual rape.

Girls receive conflicting messages about being a good girl and a pleasing woman, but also a together woman. A together woman is agentic. She is experienced, exactly like the character Samantha, from Sex in the City, who is sexually assertive and displays a strong, almost stereotypically masculine desire discourse.

Many women find the discrepant messages difficult to navigate.

To be a good girl, to be a Samantha, to try both, what to do?

Messages often portray the sexually assertive woman as a woman who has extreme difficulty in being genuine and having a meaningful romantic relationship.

The Madonna whore dichotomy, where women is age-old, it's like more than 100 years old. Women face challenges in being viewed as both sexually expressive and maternal-committed.

So, at the same time, their romantic or sexual partners face challenges with categorizing these women as either Madonna or whore.

Well done, 1988.

In a study of 681 emerging adults, 63% of college-age men and 83% of college-age women preferred, at their current stage of life or development, a traditional romantic relationship as opposed to an uncommitted sexual relationship. 63% of men and 83% of women did not want hookups, did not want one-night stands, did not want casual sex.

Garcia, Riber, Meriwether, Haywood and Fischer, 2010.

In another survey of 500 students, all had experiences with hookup. 65% of women, 45% of men reported that they had hoped their hookup encounter would become a committed relationship. 51% of women and 42% of men reported that they tried to discuss the possibility of starting a relationship with a hookup partner, Owen and Fincham, 2011.

Garcia and Riber found that while 89% of young men and women reported that physical gratification was important, 54% reported emotional gratification. 51% reported a desire to initiate a romantic relationship.

There were no sex differences in the responses. They're all hungry, men and women are hungry, for togetherness, for intimacy, for partnership, for companionship.

In another study of self-reported motivations for hooking up, which included 118 female first semester students, 80% of them indicated sexual desire, 58% spontaneous urge, 56% perceived attractiveness of the partner, 51% intoxication, 33% willingness of the partner, 29% desire to feel attractive or desirable. These were the immediate motives.

But in the background, there was a wish for more.

I want to quote from the article.

Contrary to some media messages, individuals do not appear to be engaging in truly no strings attached sex. There's no such thing. There's no such thing as meaningless, emotionless, casual sex. None. It's a myth. It's total nonsense.

Hormonally, biologically, psychologically, it's total nonsense.

In a sample of several thousand individuals, age 15 to 25, men and women who had used marijuana or cocaine in the last 12 months were also more likely than non-users to have had non-monogamous sex in the past 12 months.

Van Gelder, Rufus, Herron, Williams, and Roelfeld, 2011.

In other words, what we call casual sex, no strings attached, non-committed religion, each relies heavily, heavily on alcohol use, on drugs. It's an artifact of intoxication. You're high, you're stone, you're wasted. You end up having sex.

Is this casual sex? Or is this utterly dysregulated self-trashing behavior that has extremely little to do with any semblance of sex?

I continue to quote from the article.

In one study of undergraduate students, 33% of those reporting uncommitted sex indicated their motivation was unintentional, likely due to alcohol and other drugs.

Gaussier and Reiber, 2008.

In Fielder and Carey, 2010 study among 118 first semester female students, participant reports that 64% of uncommitted sexual encounters followed alcohol use with a median consumption of three alcoholic drinks.

Similarly, another study employing a web-based survey found that nearly 61% of undergraduate students used alcohol with an average of 3.3 alcoholic drinks during the most recent hookup, Luis and others in 2011.

In a study based on 71 interviews with college students, nearly 80% indicated that alcohol was involved in initiating their most recent hookup, 64% attributing the progression and extent of the hookup to the alcohol.

Downing and Mattyback, Geisinger, 2009.

It begins to look as if casual sex has nothing to do with sex.

Casual sex is actually dysregulated, disinhibited alcohol-induced or drug-induced behavior, exactly like reckless driving, for example.

Alcohol use, says the article, the authors, alcohol use has also been associated with type of hookup.

The greatest alcohol use was associated with penetrative sexual hookups, less alcohol use with non-penetrative hookups, and least amount of alcohol use among those who did not hook up at all.

Owen Finkel and Moore, 2011.

In one study of men and women who had engaged in an uncommitted sexual encounter that included vaginal, anal and oral sex, participants reported their intoxication levels. 35% were very intoxicated, 27% were mildly intoxicated, 27% were sober, 9% were extremely intoxicated.

Alcohol and drug use drastically increase the overall risks of sexual activity.

Abbey, Ross, McDuffie, McCausland, 1996. Alcohol may also serve as an excuse, intentionally, purposely consumed as a strategy to protect the self from having to justify hookup behavior later.

It wasn't me, it was the drink. I was too drunk to know what I was doing. I was in a blackout. It's not my fault. I shouldn't feel shame and regret. I shouldn't feel a depreciation in my self-respect and sense of self-worth, because I was not in control.

It was not a decision. It just happened to me.

The passive voice, Paul, 2006.

In a sample of 394 young adults, the strongest predictor of hookup behavior was having previously hooked up. Those who engage in penetrative sex hookups were approximately 600% more likely than others to repeat this behavior over the course of a university semester, in 2011.

Uncommitted sexual behavior, promoting individuals to engage in behaviors, regardless of privately feeling uncomfortable with doing so, this is common.

Everyone is encouraging the young to behave in ways which make them feel exceedingly uncomfortable, which push them into depression and anxiety.

Lambert, 2003, Ryber and Garcia, 2010.

Individuals overestimate other people's comfort with hookups and assign variable meanings to those behaviors. Lambert, 2003, Ryber and Garcia, 2010.

Misperception of sexual norms is another potential driver for people to behave in ways they do notor want.

In a replication and extension of Lambert's study in 2003, Ryber and Garcia in 2010, seven years later, found that 78% of individuals overestimated other people's comfort with many different sexual behaviors, with men particularly overestimating women's actual comfort with a variety of sexual behaviors in hookups. Hookup scenarios may include feelings of pressure and performance anxiety.

In Paul's study in 2000, 16% of participants felt pressure during their typical hookup. In this sample, 12% of participants felt out of control when penetrative intercourse was not involved, while 22% felt out of control where full-fledged sexual intercourse took place.

In a multi-ethnic sample of 109 women, hookup scripts were compared to rape scripts, and even though hookup scripts contain psychological consequences such as shame, the majority did not presume sexual assault counterfactually.

In other words, entering the hookup does not presumption of sexual assault, but the end result resembles very much sexual assault.

Littleton, Taberner, Canales, Backstrom, 2009.

Further, in a qualitative study that asked 187 participants to report their feelings after a typical hookup, 35% reported feeling regretful or disappointed, 27% good or happy, 20% satisfied, 11% confused, 9% proud, 7% excited or nervous, 5% uncomfortable, 2% desirable or wanted.

Paul and Hayes, 2002.

This same study found that feelings differed during hookup and after hookup. This is the most interesting finding.

What you feel during hookup is not going to last. You're going to have feeling after hookup, which really do not resemble even remotely what you had felt during the hookup because during most hookups, you're drunk or drugged.

The same study found that feelings differed during hookups and after hookups.

During a typical hookup, 65% of participants reported feeling good, aroused, excited, 17% reported feeling desirable or wanted, 70% reported feeling nothing in particular or focusing on the hookup, 8% were embarrassed, regretful, 7% nervous or scared, 6% confused, 5% proud, the day after the negativity exploded and all the positive numbers that I just mentioned vanished. Everyone felt bad, not everyone, vast majority of both men and women.


Next part, next part is what happened to dating.

It's based on sociology compass, 2007 and the article is titled the shift from dating to hooking up in college, what scholars have missed. It was authored by Kathleen Bogle.

I'm going to quote from the article, hooking up has replaced dating as a primary means by which college students initiate sexual and romantic relationships.

College students recognize what dating means, but they rarely do it.

When students use the term date, they are not referring to dating in the traditional sense, the type of dating that was popular from the 1920s through the mid 60s on college campuses according to Bailey, 1988.

Rather, when students say date, when they use the word date today, they are referring to either men and a woman who are already a couple going out on a date or attending a fraternity or sorority function accompanied by a date.

Bogle, Glenn, Markworth, 2001.

In other words, single or unattached students generally do not get together with the opposite sex via traditional dating and formal dating is not at the center of the college experience, says Bogle.

I'm quoting from Bogle's article. In 2001, a national study on college women's sexual attitudes and behaviors found that college students rarely go on traditional dates. Instead, they hook up.

In Bogle's 2008 qualitative study of 76 college students and young alumni from two universities on the East Coast, hooking up was found to be the primary script for how men and women interact on campus.

Glenn and Markworth in 2001 found that hooking up is a very common practice, so much so that they concluded that this form of interaction is now dominating male-female interaction on the modern college campus.

In the quantitative portion of their study, they found that 91% of college women believed that hookups occurred very often or fairly often on their campus. Furthermore, 40% of college women sampled said they had personally engaged in hookup encounters since coming to college.

Glenn and Markworth concluded hooking up as distinctive sex-without-commitment interaction between college men and women is widespread on campuses and profoundly influences campus culture.

In a representative study of undergraduate students at a college in the northeastern part of the United States, 78% of men and women sampled had hooked up.

Paul in 2000 found that the participants' total number of hookup partners ranged from 0 to 65. They were women who had 65 partners in three years. The average was 11, the median was 6. That was the year 2000. That was 21 years ago.

In the same study, Paul concluded that some students were hooking up on a weekly basis.

Paul and his two years later found that females' worst hookup experiences often involved feeling pressured to engage in a greater degree of sexual activity. Furthermore, this pressure was often exerted upon women when they were too intoxicated to physically resist the unwanted advances.

More research is needed, they said, and more research had been done.

In the article Lessons in Casual Sex, Narratives of Young Swedish Women, published by Michael Flakinger and Nini Toor in Sexuality and Culture in 2020, the authors say four young Swedish women who were interviewed about their experiences of heterosexual casual sex described casual sex as a highly complex sexual practice, which the participants often portray as having lacked transparent communication, no balance of power, and no satisfying sex.

Now these are the three components, the three dimensions of what we call sexual democracy, where men and women are equal as sexual agents and sexual partners.

But to be equal, you need transparent communication, you need a balance of power, and you need satisfying sex. Men got it, women didn't.

A large-scale survey in Sweden, the Public Health Agency of Sweden in 2019, recently showed that at least 38% of young women, 16 to 29, report having engaged in casual sex during the past 12 months. It is thus a very common practice in this specific cohort, dropping to 15% between the ages of 30 to 44.

There are many anecdotal studies. For example, Panetta, Fauvide, Virginia Braun and Casey Roney in 2016, published the article, No Girl Wants to be Called a Slut, Women, Heterosexual Casual Sex and the Sexual Double Standard. They published it in the Journal of Gender Studies in March 2016, and this is what they say.

Recent shifts in the Western cultural landscape mean that practices such as casual sex are contradictory terrains for women. Although permissive and liberal discourses construct women's casual sex as acceptable and even desirable, traditional discourses and sexual double standards do not.

This article examines 15 young women's negotiation of the sexual double standard in their talk of heterosexual casual sex.

By the way, fascinating article. All 15 women in this study gave accounts of energetic and desiring sexuality, and yet they talked about casual sex and a sexual reputation in contradictory and contested ways.

They were confused.

Three main themes, say the authors, three main themes were identified.

The unacceptability of casual sex, a sexual reputation is what other girls have, and the making of a sloth.

Although an enduring sexual double standard was identified, all participants challenged its relevance and appropriateness.

However, a sexual double standard also seeped, appeared in these women's very accounts when they were talking about other women.

So these women were using the sexual double standards against other women. They were slut shaming other women.

The very same women who behaved so to speak sluttishly, they were very active in casual sex. They slut shamed other women.

And so these women were talking about other women this way, the threat of group sex and negative sexual reputation. This was linked to women's silencing of their own casual sex experiences. They never shared it.

And so it's not clear cut what's happening. Women are very conflicted about casual sex as opposed to most men, but even the majority of men are conflicted because they want something deeper and longer.


In the journal Personality and Individual Differences, volume 127 of June 2018, there's an article called Why do women regret casual sex more than men do? And it was authored by Kinnear, Wyckoff, Bass, and Bendixson.

They say, results suggest that greater feelings of worry, experiencing disgust, and feeling pressured to have sex, predicted more regret for casual sex.

In contrast, experiencing higher level of sexual gratification, finding the partner to be sexually competent, and being the one taking the initiative, predicted less sexual regret. Predictors of casual sex regret when not moderated by nation.

However, relative to men, most of these predictors had a stronger impact on women's likelihood of regretting their most recent casual sex encounter.

In the same journal Personality and Individual Differences, in volume 133, October 2018, there's an article called Exploring the Hookup. Up. Kinnear, low sexual disgust and high social sexuality predict motivation to use Tinder for casual sex. It was authored by Sevi, by Barish, I'm sorry, Tupche, and Terry Scheniz.

And they're saying, Tinder, also known as the Hookup app, is the leading online dating application.

In this study, we explored the reasons for using Tinder when seeking opportunities for casual sex. We asked whether sexual disgust sensitivity and social sexuality predict Tinder use with motivation for casual sex. We also tested if gender moderated this relationship.

Results of the data collected from 169 Tinder, using Amazon Mechanical Term, revealed that sexual disgust sensitivity and social sexuality were predictors of motivation to use Tinder for casual sex.

The participants with higher sexual disgust sensitivity reported a lower motivation, while the participants with higher social sexuality reported a higher motivation for casual sex in the Tinder usage.

While this model explained the motivation for men, a different model explained women's motivation.

Social sexuality mediated the relationship between sexual disgust sensitivity and the motivation to use Tinder for casual sex for women Tinder users.

In other words, in women, the dominant factor was social sexuality, the openness to have sex with strangers to have casual sex.

Sexual disgust was much less dominant, but with men, sexual disgust was dominant, together with social sexuality.

To thoroughly investigate and motivate, the authors continue, to thoroughly investigate the motivations to use Tinder.

Sarà van der Bork, in 2017, developed a measure that specified six primary motivations, casual sex, love, ease of communication, self-worth validation, thrill of excitement, and trendiness.

The study has also reported gender differences in motivation to use Tinder, where male users showed a higher motivation for casual sex than female users.

Short-term mating inclination can be indexed by social sexuality. It refers to an individual's willingness to engage in uncommitted sexual contact, Penke and Asendorff, in 2008.

And so people with high scores on social sexual orientation are considered to be much more likely to engage in unrestricted relationships, Simpson and Gangston, 1991. In these relationships, they are more likely to engage in sex without establishing any closeness, commitment, or emotional bonding with a partner, compared to those with lower social sexual scores, Simpson and Gangston, 1992.

And so scoring high on social sexual orientation is used as an indicator of short-term mating.

Jonathan and Bass, 2012, Jonathan Lee Webster Schmidt, 2009, Provost Trofke and Quincy, 2008, many studies. Different factors have been found to affect social sexuality, such as societal factors like having divorced parents, Barber, 1998, individual differences like personality, Jonathan, Tyker, Schmidt, 2011, even age, Sprecher, Treger, Sakaluk, 2013.

Various studies have suggested that social sexuality also varies with people's disgust sensitivity.

Al-Shawaf, Louis, Ali and Bass, 2015, Tyber, Inbar, Grunler, and Mulho, 2015. Disgust is an emotion that plays a role in promoting fitness and selection of mate.

Tyber, De Vries, 2013, Phelan and Edlund, 2016.

Three domains of disgust have been described as adaptive responses to different selection pressures, pathogen, sexual, and moral disgust.

Tyber, Lieberman and Griskevichus, 2009. Sexual disgust is an evolved response to prevent mating with biologically suboptimal partners, Fessler and Navarette, 2003.

Recent studies have investigated the role of disgust sensitivity in various sexual behaviors such as mate selection.

And I refer you to studies by Lee, Dobbs, Vaknin, Brooks, and Zich in 2014. Tyber and Gangestad in 2011.

Also sexual disgust sensitivity is linked to sexual arousal. Borg and De Jong, De Jong, 2012. De Jong, van Overveld, and Borg, 2013, and so on.

Of particular interest, in Al-Shawaf, Louis and Bass, 2015, they observed a link between disgust and short-term mating.

They showed that reduced levels of sexual disgust are associated with people's higher tendency for short-term relationships, including casual sex.

Only those who are low on disgust sensitivity may favor casual sex and therefore choose to be on Tinder.

Now, disgust sensitivity is another word of saying selectivity, less selective people.

This might have constrained the sample because women who participated in casual sex, by definition, are beneath you. They have low sexual disgust sensitivity.

And this could explain why sexual disgust sensitivity did not predict Tinder use motivations for casual sex in women when controlling for social sexuality.

I've taken you on a grand tour of hookups, one-night stands, and the demise of dating, relationships, intimacy, partnership, companionship, marriage, probably the family.

There's no value judgment in anything I say. I'm trying to be pragmatic.

These behaviors have extremely negative physical and especially psychological outcomes. They are risky. They're reckless. They involve alcohol. They involve drugs. They could lead to sexually transmitted infections and diseases. They could lead to depression and do lead to depression and anxiety, especially in women. They are bad sex. The sex sucks. They lead nowhere, except in a tiny minority of cases.

Why engage in these kinds of behaviors? It is not clear to anyone. No one actually wants to do these things. And if people do them, because it's a thing to do, they conform. They succumb to peer pressure. It's cool. It's hip. They keep hoping against hope. And they keep getting disappointed and heartbroken.

Ultimately, depression and anxiety rates among teenagers, among young adults have skyrocketed. Beyond skyrocketed. Time warped. Warp speed. I mean, it's like five times more.

Part of it is social media. Part of it is the hookup culture. We are dooming our young by sending out messages via media, bad media, films, books, movies, social media, by sending out messages that hookups are the thing to do, that if you hook up, you're strong and empowered and liberated and emancipated and hip and cool and trendy.

By sending out these messages, we are dooming the young generations. We are dooming them to a life of unhappiness filled with pill popping, alcohol, and ultimately nonproductive renation, self destructiveness and self defeat.

And we are reducing signs, emerging signs of this.

For example, compulsive sexting. Compulsive sexting is already associated with severe mental health deficiencies, even psychopathy. We are destroying the young in every possible way, from climate change to encouraging them to act against their own brains, against their own biology.

Spiology is unequivocal. The human body and the human brain are constructed for intimate bonding, attachment, and relationships. End of story, indisputable. We're acting against nature. We have been acting against nature with climate change. We've been acting against nature with wildlife. We have COVID. We're acting against nature with casual sex. We are paying the price already. It's just beginning. The hurricane, the storm is upon us and it's perfect.

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