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How Narcissist Defeminizes You: Answering Your Questions

Uploaded 10/11/2020, approx. 38 minute read

Welcome to the Jerry Springer Show, and tonight we have a special guest, Sam Vaknin, a lover of humanity, a self-styled saint, and a savior that you've all been waiting for. Following my previous video, where I had allowed myself to open up a bit and tell you about my predicament and so on and so forth, I have received a tsunami, nothing short of a tsunami, of commentary. Some of these commentary even contain questions. Others were just meant to insult and humiliate and fail miserably in accomplishing these twin goals.

So, what I would like to do today, I would like to respond to some of your questions, elucidate a few matters, put things in context, and together with the previous video, when you put these two together, that's it. That's the maximum I'm willing to dedicate to this topic, and hopefully we can all move on with our peace of mind intact.

So, let's start with your questions.

One of the questions had to do with withdrawal, when the narcissist withdraws from the world, when he becomes asocial, not antisocial, but asocial, less gregarious, avoiding contact, avoiding relationships, isolating himself in his castle, pursuing solitary vocations and avocations, and of course, trying to drag his intimate partner into this new shared fantasy of we against the world. It's known as foliar do, or shared psychotic disorder.

But, as some of you have mentioned correctly, a lot of this withdrawal and avoidance has to do with punishment. The narcissist wants to punish the world because he doesn't feel appreciated, he feels discriminated against, he feels inappropriately ignored, he feels wronged. It's a passive-aggressive way of getting back at his tormentors, real and mostly imaginary. It's a figment of paranoid ideation, which lead to paranoid action. There's no tinfoil head in the majority of cases, but there's a tinfoil mentality.

So, the narcissist says, these intellectually challenged people, they don't know how to appreciate what I'm giving them. They don't know to gauge properly my gifts and the enormity, actually the magnitude of my contributions to humanity, potential and current.

So, you know what? I'm going to punish them by withdrawing from their lives.

And this goes also for intimate relationships. She doesn't know to appreciate me. She doesn't realize how good she has it. She doesn't accept that I'm the best thing that has ever happened to her and that is likely to happen to her in the future.

And so, if she's so stupid that she can't see the treasure she has in the form of me, then I will withdraw from her life. I will let her contemplate her enormous loss and pine for me and yearn for me and miss me badly, but I'm not going to be back. I'm going to torture her and show her what she had missed, what she had brought upon herself.

So, it's a form of self-soothing. You could compare it to binge drinking or overeating. It's binging on the narcissist's own company. He binges on his own mind, on his own presence, actually more precisely on his own grandiosity. He's surrounded by ghosts of relationships and by the wreckage of broken dreams. But he coats everything with his fantasies and with his grandiosity and this way he can explain to himself that he didn't do anything wrong. He's not to blame for anything that had happened to him. He's not guilty. He shouldn't be ashamed. It's all they're doing. They are evil or insufficiently intelligent to truly admire him and to adulate him and to applaud his efforts or his intelligence or his intellect or his good looks or whatever it is that he holds dear.

So, withdrawing and avoidance lead to self-soothing and this is a stepping stone on the way to converting internal modification. I effed up. I misbehaved. I failed. I had been defeated. This is internal modification. I am deformed. I'm defective. I'm a cripple. I'm disabled. I'm inadequate. These are all forms of internal modification.

So avoiding the world, withdrawing, breaking up, isolating oneself, social distancing before the age of social distancing. All these techniques were intended to allow the narcissist to transition from internal modification. It's all my fault. I'm to blame, etc., etc., to external modification. I didn't do anything wrong. It's all their fault using something called alloplastic defenses.


Okay, next question. Is hoovering possible after modification?

Yes. Hoovering is very possible, but only after internal modification.

If the narcissist had experienced, if you had caused the narcissist, external modification, if the narcissist believes that 100% of the responsibility and the guilt and the blame lie at your feet, you can forget about it. He will not try to hoover you again because there is no more hoovering, horrible, terrifying, gut wrenching, experienced and mortification. He doesn't want to go through this again. If he thinks that you had caused him external modification, especially if you did this malevolently and maliciously in a premeditated and intentional and deliberate manner, if you were out to hurt him, to causing pain and disintegration, then he's going to keep away. Trust me. He's not going to try this again. He's not going to take the risk that you may do this again.

But if he experiences internal modification, if he had convinced himself that he had been in control of the situation, that he brought it upon himself, that he is the one who pushed you to misbehave the way you did, this is internal modification.

Then yes, he will hoover you again.

Because if he is the one who brought everything into being, if he's the one who made it happen, then he can make sure that it would never happen again. He's in control. As long as he's in control, he can safely hoover.

The thing is that most narcissists convert any internal modification to external modification.

Narcissists are very loath to admit that they have been responsible or guilty, misbehaved, abused, maltreated, mistreated, called dethrone, exaggerated. They hate this. They can't accept internal modification.

So most vast majority of narcissists will try to transition to exit the internal modification and to disguise it or convert it or transform it or transmogrify it into an external modification.

So to cut a long story short, the chances of being hoovered after true modification are very low.

Luckily, mortification happens, I don't know, in a typical narcissist's lifetime, maybe three or four times. That's a lot.

Many narcissists go only through one modification in a lifetime.

What you call mortification is most probably severe narcissistic injury.

And hoovering is very common after narcissistic injury of any intensity, but not really after modification.


Next question. Do you have children?

No, I don't have children.

So is this also a manifestation of refusing to grow up?

Yes. My refusal to grow up to assume adult chores, responsibilities, and roles. This refusal is also manifested in my refusal to have children.

I don't have children because to have children is to acknowledge that I'm an adult. To have children is to have responsibilities. To have children is a chore. To have children mores you and grounds you and constitutes an irrevocable commitment unless you're truly, you know, totally psychopathic.

So the refusal to have children, remaining childless as a policy option, as a choice, a deliberate intentional choice, not as a result of a series of accidents. That is usually a classic sign of the Peter Pan syndrome or Puerrau terms, in psychoanalytic terms, when there is a preference for remaining trapped psychodynamically in another lesson phase.

So women had written to me, following the previous video, that they don't find me attractive anymore. I'm not a man. I'm a pussy. I'm a weasel. I'm a weakling. I'm a wuss. I'm jejune. And much worse, believe me, many of them suggested that I'm a latent homosexual and not so latent homosexual and all kinds of things. I have nothing against being gay. I'm not. I'm 100,000 million percent heterosexual. And these value judgments that a man is rendered less attractive because he refuses to act as a man or because he confesses to his deficiencies.

Well, as I said, that's a value judgment.

I want to generalize this.

When I was growing up, there was a stigma attached to having cancer. People were ashamed to have cancer. It's like cancer was a choice. Could I have a Big Mac with a side of cancer?

But of course, cancer is not a choice. And I have a surprise for you.

Mental illness is not a choice.

And as we should not stigmatize people with cancer, we should not stigmatize people with mental illness to have a mental illness is not humiliating.

It's not a shame. It's not embarrassing. It's the absolute equivalent of having a physical disease and to admit to it and to confess to it and to come clean and to leverage your mental illness to have countless of millions of people in my dictionary is an admirable thing to do. Doesn't make you less of anything. Less of a person, less of a man, less of anything.

I am astounded that people don't see it this way. I'm astounded at this day and age.

Women could still write to me. How did you confess this way?

So humiliating. It's so shameful. Aren't you ashamed to admit that you're not a man? Aren't you ashamed to admit that you have a mental illness?

It is this attitude of pushing mental illness under the rug, under the carpet, ignoring it, pretending it doesn't exist, attributing it to some physical illness.

It is this that leads to all the misery and pain and abuse and toxicity in relationships.

This ignoring the elephant in the room, pretending the room is empty.

Mental illness is with us. It's here to stay. And it's growing exponentially like no other class of diseases. We better get used to it because it's going to be the new normal. And we better get to start helping, start to help each other. Start to provide social safety nets, support in an institutional, structured manner and one on one.

And we better start to accept that this pandemic and long before this pandemic, the stresses of postmodern life are disintegrating institutions from the family to the nation state. These are putting inexorable pressure on our very, very fragile psyches. We are breaking apart. All of us, not only me, all of you are breaking apart. All of you are disintegrating, all of you are decompensating, all of you are acting out. Not one healthy person is left. We need to get through this together and we can't accomplish this by disparaging others, by insulting them and humiliating them because they were honest and courageous and brave enough to admit that they have a problem. This is sick. You're sick. You know what? You're sicker than me. Those of you who had written to me these words.

I've received the emails from narcissists accusing me of pretending to be a narcissist and a psychopath. You're not a real narcissist and a psychopath. You know what? One of them sought to insult me, wanted to insult me. You know what? You're just an average healthy guy. It's a curse word. You're healthy. I'm going to sue you. You called me healthy? That's libel. That's defamation. I'm going to sue you. I'm not healthy.

Narcissists wrote to me, self-identifying as narcissists and people diagnosed with NPD and people from my database wrote to me, you're not a narcissist. You're not a psychopath. Shame on you for pretending to be a narcissist and psychopath.

But this only goes to show you. Narcissists and psychopaths know that they are narcissists and psychopaths. They're fully self-aware. They made a distinction between themselves and me. They were saying, we are real. We are real narcissists. We are real psychopaths and we are proud of it.

To be a narcissist is cool, man. I'm a cool dude because I'm a narcissist. It's a privilege. It's an exclusive club. It's Trump's ghost club, you know, and you don't belong there. You don't belong there because you're a Jew or because your nose is long or because you're a good guy.

One of them wrote, I can see that you have empathy. I can see that you have a big good heart. You're helping people. Shame on you for calling yourself a narcissist. You don't belong in our exalted, elevated company. You're tarnishing our image as omnipotent, omniscient, godlike, all powerful, not in need of anyone.

Narcissists are seriously deluded. You know what? Many of them are intellectually challenged, I must tell you. YouTube, unfortunately, won't let me use the real word, but intellectually challenged. Look it up. There's one short word for it.

The emails I received from narcissists combine expertly, inanity, stupidity, delusionality, grandiosity, and in some cases, clinical insanity.

Okay, enough with your misuse and messages.

It seems that all of you, though, share one thing in common. You have a cognitive dissonance. You have a cognitive dissonance because I'm giving you a lot. I'm giving you information. I'm giving you help. I refer you to literature. I bring you the latest in scholarly studies.

So I'm giving you a lot. And it's very evident that I'm getting nothing out of it.

There's no advertising on my YouTube videos either. I'm not pushing books or retreats or resorts or nothing. I don't even bother to answer when you ask me if I provide counseling. Yes, I provide counseling, but I don't bother to answer. It's all about money. I don't need money. I'm a wealthy guy.

It's not even about narcissistic supply because honestly, the supply I get from my videos is mostly negative. It's not positive. Trust me. Nine in ten messages are extremely humiliating, insulting, infuriating, dismissive, and frankly, stupid. So I'm not getting anything out of this.

And this creates in you a cognitive dissonance. Why is he doing this? Why is he doing this? I don't feign empathy.

The vast majority of coaches and self-styled experts and mystics and gurus, they fake empathy. They feign empathy.

Oh, we care about you. Oh, we love you. Oh, we want you to have a better life. Oh, we want you to be happy. We want you to get rich. We want you to get a nice girl.

Sure. They don't lie to you, of course. They want your money. You're brain dead. They want to take your money. You know what? They think that you're brain dead and they're taking your money and they're laughing all the way to the back and they're doing it behind your back. And they are deceiving you and you swallow it. I mean, you will lap it up. You love it.

They are sacrificing their lives for us. I heard someone writing. He's sacrificing his life for us. Of course.

Give me $6 million a year on sacrifice. Anything you want for you. You know, they are using, they are leveraging your inane idiocy. I don't fake empathy. I don't give a right's ass about you.

My contempt for you is overt and bridled. I'm not repentant. I'm not remorseful. I'm not regretful. I'm in a good place. I have a lot of money. I travel all over the world. I have admirers and fans. I have everything I could wish for and much more besides.

Why on earth would I be repentant or remorseful? And why would I not hold you in contempt?

You, that could have been much more than you are. I hold you in contempt not because I think that you don't have potential. I hold you in contempt because you do have potential to be much more than you are.

And yet you settle for being chimpanzees. Chimpanzees in terms of critical thinking, in terms of erudition and learning, in terms of getting somewhere and doing something with yourself, not with others.

Don't listen to all these gurus and coaches who tell you that to succeed is to advance in the hierarchy of dominance and ranking and to be a top lobster and other such zoological nonsense.

Success comes from inside. Happiness is an internal state. And yet you don't pursue it, nor do you pursue knowledge, nor do you pursue critical thinking or seek to develop your critical thinking.

You choose the lowest common denominator. You choose to drink. You choose to do drugs. You choose to drug yourself with television, social media. These are choices.

A chimpanzee can't help but be a chimpanzee. You have a choice.

And that's the source of my contempt. The very fact that I actually appreciate what you could have been and am angry at you that you're not.


To the next, or whatever complaint or something.

Question, actually. Oh, it's a question.

How the fact that you can't be a man or won't be a man affect your, youreither the woman in your life.

I am never a man to my woman.

And I explained in the previous video, why first of all, I don't know how to be a man. I was never taught. I never saw role models, which I could have, who'd have emulated.

So I don't know how to be a man. I am not one percent man. I have nothing of a man in me, not a single cell.

So I don't know how to be a man.

And there are other reasons I went into all these reasons in the previous video, but the fact that I'm not a man to my woman doesn't let her be a woman to me.

Gender roles are mutually reinforcing.

You, you become more of a woman when you are around a real man. When he sees you as a woman, his gaze defines you.

Similarly, he becomes much more of a man when he is around a woman who regards him as a man.

So this is a feedback loop, a positive, wonderful feedback loop that makes more of you, makes you more, makes your identity dimensions more pronounced, crystallize your core.

This is the beauty. This is the resonance between men and women is at the core of the aesthetics of the gender union.

This is, if you wish, if you're religious, the divine touch, this is the spark.

This is what men do to women and women do to men. They bring out their identities.

They, in other words, men and women introduce themselves to themselves. The woman helps the man get to know himself better, introduces the man to himself, and the man helps the woman become more of a woman.

In other words, become more acquainted with herself, more self-aware.

In my guru-father role, because I have two roles, yes, I can be a child or I can be a genius child or I can be a guru-father.

The one thing I cannot be is men.

So in my guru-father role, my woman is just an audience. Very often anonymous, impersonal audience. She's utterly interchangeable and replaceable and dispensable. It could be, she could be any other woman. I don't care.

When I'm a genius child, she's a mother and she's a mother on probation. I keep testing her all the time. Will she fail? Will she fail? Will she really a good enough mother? Will she love me unconditionally? Will she accept all my quirks and foibles and misbehavior?

So she's constantly being tested. She's on probation.

There's not a moment when she's a woman. She's an adulator. She's a playmate. She's a mother. She's everything conceivable. She's a service provider, but she's never a woman.

Self-emasculation. The fact that I refuse to be a man, because also to be a man is to be an adult, is to grow up.

Self-emasculation, lead to defeminization.

The fact that I've emasculated myself, in a way, castrated myself, renders my woman less of a woman.

First of all, because she chose me, why would a real woman choose me? It means she is not fully a woman. It says something about her.

So it leads to defeminization and being day in and day out for years, sometimes decades, in the presence of a man who doesn't relate to you as a man, who doesn't have sex with you, who doesn't flirt with you, who doesn't seek to seduce you, who treats you as a service provider, a function, including sexual function, a body, an object. This does something to you as a woman. It denudes you of your femininity. It takes away your femininity.

Femininity, masculinity, these are roles. Most of them are learned. A big part of being a man or being a woman is a learned, acquired process. It's a part of gender differentiation, which is a part of socialization. It's a use it or lose it.

If you don't use your femininity, you lose it. If you don't use your masculinity, you forget how.

So here I am castrated. For all intents and purposes, pennies less.


I don't have a spiritual penis or penis or psychological penis. I have the real thing. The appendage works well, but I don't have the psychological software installed to use it.

So here I am. And so it defeminizes, takes away my woman's femininity.

And this creates a lot of resentment and anger and rage in her and a lot of aggression.

And she becomes averse. She develops sex aversion. I become repellent and repulsive in her eyes. She's angry at me. She wants to punish me. She wants revenge. She wants to put me in my place. Maybe get a rise out of me by triangulating or even get a rise out of me by cheating.

And it doesn't work. And this drives her mad. Crazy. I mean, it drives her even more insane.

Because what would work with any normal healthy man has zero effect on me.

And this leads, of course, finally to sexlessness and extramarital affairs as a way to manage a relationship because it's no other way.

It's exactly like living with a quadriplegic who is in coma. Both.


I, to answer another question of yours, here's the question. Why do you accept the asymmetry?

She's cheating with others while you are at home waiting for her. Are you a cuckold? Are you a soy boy?

People are very subtle and very empathetic in their questions, as you can see.

Let me answer this specific gentleman. That's not a woman. That's a man.

He was very offended that I admitted that I'm not a man because he claimed to have been an admirer of mine. And now he cannot admire me there because how can you admire someone like me who lets his women run off with other men, witnesses it and does nothing, doesn't protest, doesn't stop, doesn't beat up the other men? I mean, how can he respect someone like that?

He said, I lost all respect for you. He said, but he asked, but one thing I want to ask, if she's cheating, why are you not cheating? Why are you waiting at home for her like a cuckold or a soy boy? Cuckold this.

Okay, in a minute, we'll come to it. Let me reiterate. I accept that in order to persevere and survive within my increasingly more sexless shared fantasy, my woman has to meet her sexual and emotional needs with other men. That's a fact. That's a given. It's like air is 21% oxygen. You can argue with it. No point to argue with it.

I am intermittently a genius child or a guru father, but I'm never ever an adult man, not psychologically, not sexually, not willing to commit. I am, I never invest in the relationship. I don't exist as an adult. I take as a child and I give as a guru or a stern disciplinary and father.

That's not a foundation for a full fledged, psycho sexual relationship.

My woman needs a man. She needs a man. She's a woman.

I mean, most of the women in my life have been in their 20s and 30s. So they needed sex. They needed intimacy. They needed to be desired. They needed passion. They needed flirting and seduction and to have a good time and to lose themselves from time to time. You know, they needed to be disinhibited with a safe partner. They needed to have fun. They needed all these things.

I don't give any of this. I'm not a man. You can't go with a child to a disco or to a bar or to a pub and you can't go with your father, of course. I mean, and if you do go with your father, it's not the same.

So I accepted that if I want a woman in my life, I have to let her take care, outsource her needs with other men. That doesn't make me a cuckold for a soy boy. A cuckold derives sexual pleasure. A cuckold is aroused sexually when he sees his partner having sex with others. I don't. I don't derive pleasure from the fact that my woman is at this very minute with a man, with another man. I don't. I don't know the name. That's not a very pleasant thing to contemplate. And I try not to dwell upon it.

I am much more indifferent. That means it's so pleasurable. It's not offensive. I'm indifferent. I don't care. I'm not even romantically jealous. I'm oblivious. She's somewhere doing something. Who cares? It's her own free time. She can do whatever she wants. On her free time, she can do whatever she wants. As long as I get my services and my adulation and so on, then, you know, the rest of the time, she's like a, you know, housekeeper.

I don't know, combination, housekeeper, personal assistant. So I'm just oblivious. I'm in my world. I'm making YouTubes. I'm reading. I'm in my world. I'm not romantically jealous. I become romantically jealous.

And the closest I ever become to being a man is when there is an imminent, impending, clear risk of abandonment. Then I suddenly become a man. I impose boundaries. I insist on exclusivity. I demand rules to be followed. I demand respect, etc.

But that's too late, of course. Way too late.

And that's very it's only when there is a risk of abandonment and only as long as the risk of abandonment continues. The minute it's clear that she is not going to abandon me, I go back. I revert to form. I'm again a child or a father. I'm just oblivious. Not like a cold, on the contrary. I think if I were to observe my woman having sex with another man, it might even hurt me.

So I'm not a good cop.

But the whole thing is as relevant to me as the war in Nagorno-Karabakh is relevant to you. Look it up.


And now to your question.

If she's cheating, if you know I'm not cheating, if she's allowed to be with other men, why don't I allow myself to be with other women?

I accept that I'm not allowed to do what she is allowed to do. I accept that I'm not allowed to do the same. I acquiesce. I acquiesce. And I collaborate and I collude in this asymmetry. And there are many reasons for it.

I'll try to go through them.

In other words, she can be with other men. I cannot be with other women. In my marriages and in various relationships, I have reached agreements, agreements to have open marriage or open relationships.

But even then, it's very difficult for me to behave the same way she behaves. Even when I'm in an open marriage, or in an open relationship, and she clearly is dating other men, she picks up other men in front of me. I witness the pickup, I witness the flirting, I witness the deduction, and then they both get up and go into the night. Even then, a minute later, I find it difficult to pick up a woman.

I still have this feeling that what she deserves, I don't deserve. That there isn't a symmetry. And it's not entirely insane. It's very rational, very reasoned.

I will try to explain why I think I shouldn't be allowed to behave the way she does.

First of all, she's an adult. I'm not an adult. I'm a child. Children are not allowed to behave the same way adults do.

Ask any child. Ask any adult. Children don't have the leeway and the privilege of adults. Children are much more restricted.

She's an adult. She needs mature, conventional, reciprocated, regular sex, intimacy, the presence of a man. I don't.

I don't need the presence of a woman. I don't need sex. I don't need intimacy. I need to play in my sandbox. I need to play with my toys. I need to have fun. You know, I need to be taken care of. I'm a kid.

So I can't, as a kid, say, you know what? You're an adult. I'm a kid. And we have equal power, equal rights, equal privileges, equal responsibilities. That's simply not true. It's counterfactual.

I have to compromise in order to secure the presence and commitment to the relationship.

Second reason, if I want to have sex, I can have sex only within a shared fantasy. In other words, I need to start a new relationship.

The women in my life, not all of them, some of them, could compartmentalize. They had me and they had other men. The other men had their place and their time. I had my place and my time. It was like compartments in a ship.

So they moved seamlessly and smoothly between their parallel worlds. They were able to maintain multiple relationships, juggle them very effectively. I didn't feel any problem. I didn't feel the difference.

Most of my women, maybe half of my women, they were able to separate their love affairs, their sex with others, from their existence with me as a mother. So I can't do that.

If I'm to have sex, I need a full-fledged relationship with a fantasy. And then I would have to leave the woman. So I have to get rid of the previous woman to move on to the next one. I can't have several simultaneously.

And most of my women could. I think most women could actually, to be honest.


Next reason I accept that she can do things I cannot do is that any new shirt fantasy, imagine that I said, okay, I will move on to another, to the next new shirt fantasy.

What for? Any new shirt fantasy will end the same way. Why bother? As long as I'm getting supplies, as long as I'm getting services, however, meagre and basic, better stay put, better forget about sex.

I move on to a new shirt fantasy only when two of the three S's are missing. So if the woman stops providing me with supply and sex, I would consider to move on to a new shirt fantasy.

But as long as she provides two of the three S's, three S's, sex supply services, as long as she provides two with three X's, why to move on?

Why to move on? What will change in the next shirt fantasy? How will it be different to the previous shirt fantasy?

You know, it's bound to end the same in acrimony, in sexlessness.

So why go through this exercise?

You know, it's said wrongly, but never mind. It said that the definition of insanity is keep doing the same thing, expecting different results.

I am not that insane.

If I have a woman who provides me with two or three S's, and even if these two or three S's don't include sex, I'm going to stay with her. I'm going to stay with her for decades. I'm going to stay with her forever, as long as she's able to provide these two S's. If she stops providing two of the three S's, then at that point, the woman had come to replicate my bad, dead mother. She had failed in her role as a good enough mother. She had betrayed me.

At that point, I feel free to move on.

But I don't mix apples and oranges. I move on, like I discard or break up and move on.


Next reason why my woman is allowed to be with other men, and I'm not allowed to be with other women. Even in open marriage, when I am allowed to be with other women, I find it extremely difficult.

The next reason is that only mentally ill, severely mentally ill, broken, damaged, traumatized women, will succumb to my psychology and to my sexuality, will accept my psychology and my sexuality. Only such women will enter a shared fantasy with me.

These women pose serious risks, exposure, blackmail, suicide, criminal liability, drama, insane drama, dangerous drama.

I mean, the pool of women available to me is a serious hormone.

You know, everyone says the dating scene is cesspool, only bottom of the barrel. Women are left.

That's not true. It's absolutely not true. There are many divorced women who are wonderful, lovely women, but of course none of them would dream of dating.

My access is only to seriously dangerous women, gold diggers, psychopaths, borderlines, insane, psychotic.

Scouting for a new shared fantasy, for me, is an absolute desperate loss resort. Like I won't do it until I'm not hanging by the throat or by some other part of my anatomy.

And finally, I successfully sublimate my auto-erotic, sadistic, kinky sex drive. My sex drive is auto-erotic. It's directed at myself. It's masturbatory, sadistic, and it's kinky. And I sublimate it. I convert it into activities which are socially acceptable.

I really prefer learning and entertainment to sex. I'm far more gratified by solitary activities than by sex or intimacy.

My biological drive is entirely satisfied with pornography, intimacy I don't need. It's a threat in a variety of ways. It threatens my grandiosity, and my psychosexual king can say it doesn't require a compliant, live body, but the price, as I just said, is not worth the price.

I mean, these are dangerous women, mentally ill.

So, take all this into account. I suppress my urges exactly the same way practitioners of other paraphilias, like for example pedophiles, they suppress. Not all pedophiles live with children, on the very contrary. Only a tiny minority do. The majority of pedophiles are aware of their pedophilia and they suppress it. They simply abstain. They become celibate for life because they know they can damage the children. They don't want to.

Similarly, I'm a sadist, I'm kinky, I'm this and that, and I can team up only with mentally ill women, and it will cause them huge damage and hurt, and I prefer not to.

Plus, rejecting women, frustrating them, humiliating them when they approach me, when they try to pick me up. It feels as good as sex, so I prefer to tease.

When I cannot have women for my sadistic pleasures, I want to reject them and humiliate them, and even more so when I can.

Put all these five elements together and you will see that the rational thing for me to do is to sit at home and wait for my woman to return early in the morning from a night out with a gorgeous man, or with her lover, or with a casual stranger.

Her needs are met, she had outsourced them, she's happy, she's content, she's available now to provide me with what I need.

What I need is adulation and audience and services. As long as this arrangement goes on, I don't care, I'm not romantically jealous, I'm indifferent, I'm in my world, I'm immersed in my toys and my collections and my childlike, my childlike activities. I'm perfectly content, really am, I'm not pretending.

How can you let your woman be with other men? Don't you want to smack him? In a shirt fantasy, I am possessive, but not protective?

So within the shirt fantasy, if my woman tries to triangulate, or if she picks up a man ostentatiously to hurt me, or whatever, I will feel possessive, but I will not be protective.

Even if I know that she's in serious danger, because the guy is a junkie, an alcoholic, a criminal pedophile in one case happened to me, I will not protect her. I will let her go. I'm totally not protective.

And I'm possessive only in the sense that I'm terrified of abandonment and loss. I wait all night, not sleep, until she returns. She returns, I go to sleep. I know abandonment has been averted.

When there is an imminent impending abandonment, when there are multiple signs over a protracted period of time that she's about to abandon me, that we are about to break up, then I become both protective and possessive. It's the only time that I become a man, actually. I impose rules, boundaries, I insist on certain behaviors, codes, and so on.

But of course, by that time, she holds me in full contempt and she won't listen.

In the bargaining phase, I'm neither possessive nor protective.

Do I feel humiliated? Yes, I feel humiliated, of course.

I feel humiliated that I can never have a woman that is only mine, that I can't keep my women, that I can't satisfy my women, that other men who are far inferior to me intellectually, men who are predators, men who are scum in the majority of cases, pick them up.

And you know what? In most cases, they pick them up in my presence. They ignore me completely as though I'm made of air. They walk straight to my woman and pick her up. And they capture their hearts and their minds and their bodies, if even only for a night.

And of course, it's humiliated.

It's like a cripple, like an invalid, or like an unemployed guy who cannot provide for his family.

It's a feeling of being an inadequate, disabled person.

And women are also angry at me that I pushed them back into the cesspool that is the dating scene, that didn't want to go into the dating scene. They thought they had a partner. They thought they had secured a liaison and a relationship. They thought they had secured the satisfaction, the gratification of their sexual, emotional and intimacy needs.

And here I pushed them back out into the cold, cruel, freezing world, into the sleazy hands of scum and predators, criminals and worse, junkies, alcoholics.

And women are furious at me, furious at me that I pushed them back out, that I won't provide them with what they need, that they find themselves back on the dating scene at age 30 or 40 or 50, that they have to get drunk in order to sleep with otherwise repulsive strangers, that they are molested by scum or regard them as sluts because they are married or because they are in a relationship.

But the fact is that women go to any lengths to be with other men. Cheat on me, if you wish. My women have slept with strangers, with repellent abusers, they are abusers, with petty criminals, with pedophiles, with alcoholics.

And they go to to such lengths. I mean, they are utterly indiscriminate and promiscuous. And they do this because they're in a shared fantasy.

And there are four reasons why they would tend to be indiscriminate and promiscuous in choosing men.

One, they need to meet their emotional and sexual needs for sex, intimacy, support, attention, passion, desire, flirting, seduction, chase. They need a man. They need a man. And sometimes they have full fledged love affairs, emotional or sexual for a lengthy period of time, in some cases years.

And I'm fully aware. I've even met the guy for hundreds of times.

So this is one solution.

But frankly, it's not always doable. It's not always available.

So they have to pick up strangers or go to dives and clubs and joints and singles bars and so on and pick up whoever they can. And it sometimes ends badly.

So this is the first reason, the need to gratify emotional and sexual needs.

And the second reason is that they need to regain or partress their self-esteem.

This state of things within the shared fantasy where they don't have a man, they have a child, their sexual needs are not satisfied, their emotions are ignored. They don't get attention. They don't get passion. They are not desired. They are not considered irresistible. This destroys, utterly undermines like termites eating in a tree. Nothing is left. It's reduced to dust.

Their self-esteem, self-confidence evaporate. And so they need to regain it. And they need to regain a sense of femininity to restore the belief that they are desirable, even irresistible, definitely passionately so.

They need to be quartered. They need to be flirted with. They need to be seduced.

And so they would do anything for this. They would compromise their standards and lower them. They would go to any environment. They would take any risk.

It's a compelling need. It's a compelling urge that, I mean, otherwise they can't survive. It's a survival issue.

So they end up lowering their standards, going out with anyone, anywhere, doing anything, just to have this presence of a man who would help them regain a modicum, something, a morsel, a figment, an element of self-esteem and self-confidence, which they had lost completely.


And then there is this issue of reconstituting, a proper reality testing.

In the shirt fantasy, they are constantly being gaslighted. And the shirt fantasy exerts an inexorable pull. It's very easy to succumb to the shirt fantasy, to become psychotic, to pretend that there's no reality. The shirt fantasy is reality.

And as a woman, you're gaslighted because you're reality, you're losing reality testing. You're kind of disoriented, discombobulated. You're confused beyond measure and only interacting with another man, a health, a relatively healthy normal man, as far as masculinity goes.

Never mind his profession. Never mind his past. Never mind his drinking. Never mind his criminality. Never mind his whatever. Never mind how repulsive he is physically. But he's a man. He is the core of a man. He is the psychology of a man. He has the psychodynamics of a man, the desires and passions of a man. He wants the woman. He wants sex. I mean, it's normal.

So this restores proper reality testing in a sense of normalcy.

Going out with another man restores the sense of reality, restores the sense of what is normal.

It's a relief. It's like waking up from a persistent nightmare or emerging from the sea, having almost drowned. And never mind who the man is. That's why strangers qualify, criminals qualify, pedophiles qualify, abusers qualify. As long as it's a man, behaves like a man, talks like a man, walks like a man, wants things that men want, it's good enough. These are minimum qualifications.

The job interview is very short. Are you a man? Yeah, let's go.

You remember that during the short fantasy, if I detect abandonment, I begin to stalk. It's called erotomanic stalking. And in the bargaining phase, I actually do the opposite. When the woman makes demands and wants to transition from child to adult, I ignore the woman or push her away forcefully. In both cases, the stalking, or when she's pushed away, when she's rejected, this forces me to break up with them.

So sometimes they pick up men, and then they call me on the phone, call me on the phone and let me know exactly what had happened, or met me and told me everything in the minutest graphic anatomical medical detail. Trust me. And they did this for me to tell them, okay, now it's the end. I mean, we're breaking up. They wanted me to get rid of them. They wanted me to break up with them, because they couldn't extricate themselves from the shared fantasy. They used the men, another man, to force me to break up with them, to get rid of me by behaving so egregiously, so as to mortify me and force my hand. And there was no, there's no, I mean, the spectrum of behaviors.

Some women picked up men in my presence and flirted with them and kissed and petted them in front of me, my woman. Other women went away for the night and then returned and told me in detail every single thing that had happened, however, unsavory. Other women got drunk in my presence and then picked up a man and then disappeared into the night.

I mean, women made sure that I know, in a variety of ways, and witnessed in most cases.

So it was like a signal or a message, please set us free. Please let us go.


Last question. Does every woman, will every woman collaborate in the shared fantasy? Or do you pick up, do you have a special type and you pick up special women?

I personally seek inferior or much younger women because inferior women, much younger women, will accept my kinky sex more readily, will mother me because they have nothing else to do and they have still have a highly developed maternal instinct. They're young, they want to have a child.

And the last thing is that I can play the father role with younger women or inferior women in a more convincing way and for longer. So that would be my choice.

But having said that, there is no type. The narcissist is promiscuous, indiscriminate slut when it comes to mate selection. If you can give him supply, he will select you as a mate. End of story. He doesn't care if you're codependent, short, tall, long, blonde. He doesn't care if you're dumb as a doorknob or if you're a Nobel Prize winner. He doesn't care whether you're accomplished or not accomplished. He doesn't care whether you abode a line or have some other mental health disorder. He doesn't care about any of this.

Don't believe the unmitigated nonsense that you read and hear online.

Narcissists do not select mates. Narcissists select sources of supply.

If the narcissist becomes convinced at any point that he can extract supply, narcissistic supply from you or that you will provide at least two of the three assets, supply and services, sex and supply, sex and services. If he believes that you can provide two of the three, you're in, you got the job.

Who you are doesn't matter to the narcissist because the narcissist does not pay attention to people. He does not perceive people as separate autonomous entities. He internalizes external objects. He interacts with snapshots.

Who cares who you are? He doesn't care who you are. He cares what you can give him. What can you give him?

That's the question. Can you give him supply? Great. Can you give him sex? Even better. Can you give him supply and sex? You're in.

Can you give him sex and services? No sex. No problem. You're in.

That's the narcissist mindset. Very indiscriminate.

In my particular case, because I play the dual roles of child and father, I need a woman who is young enough to want to be a mother and young enough to want to have a father. And I need someone who will not resist me, who will be awestruck by me, who will accept my authority or challenge me and will do anything I want in bed and outside of bed.

And so that narrows down a bit. The potential pool and leaves younger women, inferior women, substantially inferior women in every respect, money, position, power, fame, whatever, and intellect, and of course, broken mentally ill, damaged one.

Okay. I hope I've answered all your questions. This will be the last time I'm doing this, but I owed you because of the previous video. Those of you who did not surrender your breakfasts, I wish you a nice lunch, dinner, wherever you are. Stay safe. Keep breathing. Keep breathing. As long as you keep breathing, most of you will stay alive. And I wish you a complete healing in case you need it.

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