Background

If You Love a Narcissist, This is For You

Uploaded 8/7/2020, approx. 3 minute read

He is handsome, yet he is dead. His eyes are twin, infinite, dark tunnels, tunnels leading to the netherworld of his void, his emptiness, the howling winds in the corridors that lead to nothing but a hole of mirrors, reflection upon reflection, and you in there reflection as well.

And the twinkle in his irises, that is also a reflection, a reflection of your tears, and his smile ruptures his face, tears your heart apart, and you are reduced to smithereens, a frozen, grimaced scream in a surrealistic nightmare that once used to be a dream, as you recall, ever so vaguely.

He is an absence, he is chaos, he is unadulterated anguish, he is your shattered fantasy, he is your shattered life. He craves love, he craves intimacy, oh so he says, but then he pushes you away, enraged by your presumptuousness in offering him both.

And he fears hurt, he dreads pain and rejection and abandonment, and so he hurts you first. He busts in your agony and in your writhing, writhing, writhing.

He preemptively rejects and abandons you, renders you transparent, ethereal, less and less real by the minute, and you dissolve, and you dissolve in his distracted, faraway gaze, as he contemplates your insignificance, and your heart is broken, and your mind is splintered.

You shrivel like a plant as you inhale the toxic fumes of his non-being, his despondent and hopeless darkness, a miasmatic emanation, a life rejected, a night without dawn in his sunless, arctic days, in his cancer, circle of cancer.

And so frozen, frozen to your bones, to your marrow, to your essence, you shiver involuntarily and uncontrollably, his tremors, his earthquake in you, the aftershocks.

And the relationship with him, you know, you know it well, is a form of self-harm, self-mutilation, and yet, and yet, you cannot let go. He is death. He is demise by a thousand invisible paper cuts, and you are become eruptive, infuriated scar tissue.

You are a wound where a person used to exist.

Sometimes, and that's the reason that you're staying, sometimes he is an ephemeral little child, hearing lacrimos from behind the wall of torment that passes for his soul.

One eye, one eye behind the corner, the corner of your relationship.

Sometimes, sometimes, beautiful times, precious times, he is all hugs, all tender need, cuddling, and tucking in, and cheeks, and laughs, and the good times, and the good times of apparent love, and you fall for it, you want it so badly.

He wants it so badly.

So, you both acquiesce, and you both cooperate, and you both collaborate, and you both collude in this conspiracy, and it's not a theory.

And then he's gone. This moment recedes, remits, reverts, relapses. It's a shape-shifting and pregnant cloud behind the event horizon of his devouring black hole.

And he is penumbral. He is fleeting, he is an apparition, a remembrance of things past, the crumbling sepia dust of what could have been, the promise unkempt, unkempt.

It's an eerie, disembodied, dismembered dance, the music wafting, your former selves entwined.

And on and on you go, as the night wears thin, and the day refuses to embark.

If you enjoyed this article, you might like the following:

Codependent Love Story

Codependent love often manifests as a blend of shared fantasies and emotional dysregulation, as illustrated through the lives of a grandfather and grandmother. The grandfather, devoted to his pushcart and the community, finds solace in his routine, while the grandmother gradually withers under the weight of their existence together. Their relationship, once vibrant, becomes marked by silence and unfulfilled longing, culminating in the grandmother's tragic death. In the end, the grandfather's grief leads him to embrace her memory, ultimately resulting in their shared legacy being discarded as mere remnants of a life once lived.


CHILLING: Conman in Action, Scammer Pounces on Prey

The text is a first-person narrative of a conman who lures his victim into a shared psychosis, infiltrating his mind and converting him to the cause. The conman is in control and manipulates his victim's emotions, making him feel vulnerable and dependent on him. The victim is addicted to the conman's attention and affection, and the conman exploits this to extract information and money from him. The conman is devoid of conscience and sees his victim as nothing more than a means to an end.


Fear of Intimacy Rationalized

People who fear intimacy have a phobia of exposing their vulnerabilities and committing to a long-term relationship. This fear is rooted in a deep distrust of the world and other people. They tend to devalue their intimate partner and imagine negative scenarios for the future. Fear of intimacy is a form of diffuse anxiety that causes people to withdraw and avoid intimate relationships. It is a cycle that can never be broken or interrupted, leading to a never-ending chase that never culminates in a happy ending.


Harmony: How Narcissist Experiences Partner's Infidelity

The narrative explores the emotional turmoil of a narcissist confronting his wife's infidelity, revealing his cold detachment and analytical mindset as he processes the betrayal. The protagonist oscillates between rage and indifference, ultimately suggesting a separation to evaluate their relationship. Despite his apparent emotional control, he grapples with the realization of his wife's love and the inevitability of their fractured bond. The story culminates in a poignant acknowledgment of the lasting impact of betrayal, leaving the protagonist aware that their connection is irreparably altered.


5 Reasons To Grieve, Mourn: Varieties Of Grief And Mourning

Healthy grief typically lasts about a year and leads to the integration of memories, while prolonged grief disorder persists beyond that and can involve obsessive thoughts. There are five primary reasons for grief: unrealized potential, the gap between fantasy and reality, catastrophizing perceived threats, actual irretrievable loss, and grief that becomes an identity due to early trauma. Each type of grief corresponds to specific causes that can either be processed healthily or become entrenched, leading to depression and anxiety for both the individual and those around them. Ultimately, grief is a complex human experience that encompasses not only real losses but also the mourning of unrealized dreams and identities.


How Codependent Sees YOU (Intimate Partner)

The codependent views their intimate partner as essential for survival, expressing a deep reliance on them for emotional support and decision-making. This dependence manifests as emotional blackmail, where the codependent demands constant reassurance and validation, often sacrificing their own identity and autonomy in the process. Various types of codependency exist, including those driven by fears of abandonment, control, vicarious living through others, and counter-dependence, each with distinct behaviors and motivations. Ultimately, the codependent's need for connection leads to a cycle of clinginess and instability, often resulting in unhealthy relationship dynamics.


Two Paths to Narcissism: “Dead” Mother Absents the Child, Herself

The concept of the "dead mother" refers to a maternal figure who fails to fulfill her nurturing roles, resulting in significant emotional and psychological harm to the child. This absence manifests as a lack of recognition of the child's individuality, leading to stunted growth and development, where the child becomes overly dependent on external validation and struggles with boundaries. Such children often face a choice between their own identity and the demands of their parents, leading to internalized shame and guilt that can result in mental health disorders, including narcissism. Ultimately, the dead mother dynamic creates a cycle of dependency and emotional turmoil, where the child feels they must sacrifice their autonomy to maintain a connection with their parental figures.


Mourning Yourself After Narcissistic Abuse

Grief can become pathological when it extends beyond a year, leading to prolonged grief disorder (PGD), which is characterized by an inability to move on from the mourning process. This condition can manifest in various forms, including grief over lost relationships, jobs, or even fantasies, and often results in a constricted life where individuals feel stuck and unable to find joy. Narcissistic abuse can exacerbate this disorder, as narcissists create an environment where victims experience idealized self-love and unconditional love, only to withdraw it later, leading to profound grief and a sense of loss of self. Ultimately, the prolonged grief experienced by victims of narcissistic abuse is not just about the loss of the narcissist but also about mourning a part of themselves that has been altered or lost in the process.


Fight Abandonment and Separation Anxiety

Codependent behaviors such as clinging and smothering are rooted in a deep fear of abandonment and separation. To overcome this, codependents must confront their anxieties through psychotherapy, medication, and self-help methods such as meditation and engaging in meaningful activities. Codependents should also adopt a scientific approach to their relationships, construct alternative hypotheses, and test them before making impulsive decisions. The longevity of long-term relationships lies in being transparent and expressing emotions and concerns honestly. Finally, codependents should prepare detailed contingency plans for every eventuality to reduce anxiety and gain control.


Narcissist's Never-ending Vengeance (Redemption: A True Story)

Narcissistic injury often leads to vindictiveness in narcissists, who relentlessly pursue their perceived enemies at great personal cost, driven by a need to restore their grandiosity. This self-destructive behavior results in a deteriorating state of mind, as they engage in delusions and conspiracies that ultimately lead to catastrophic mistakes. The narrative explores the dynamics of familial relationships, particularly the patriarchal influence and the emotional scars passed down through generations. The story culminates in a reflection on loss, estrangement, and the complex interplay of love and resentment within a family shaped by rigid expectations and societal norms.

Transcripts Copyright © Sam Vaknin 2010-2024, under license to William DeGraaf
Website Copyright © William DeGraaf 2022-2024
Get it on Google Play
Privacy policy