Interpersonal Narcissist: Family and Relationships (ENGLISH responses, with Nárcisz Coach)

Uploaded 1/20/2020, approx. 4 minute read

So, now that we see, what does it mean globally?

Let's narrow it down a little bit.

What does a narcissistic person exist in a family?

I think in interpersonal relationships, family is one type of interpersonal relationship.

There are essentially two problems.

One is the zero-sum game and the other is the contagion effect.

So, zero-sum game simply means that the narcissist doesn't engage in intimacy or in building something, building a family.

The narcissist engages from the first date. The narcissist engages in a power play.

It's all about power. Who has the power? Who is right? Who is wrong? Who will dictate? Who will lead? Who will follow?

So, it's all about power. It's a constant contest and competition for power.

Of course, you can't build anything long-term or healthy on such a foundation because you need, of course, a power matrix in a relationship, but you also need collaboration. You need intimacy. You need common values.

Many other things. Power is not enough.

But for a narcissist, everything else, if it does exist and it rarely exists, but if it does exist, everything else is at the service of accumulating and exercising power.

So, for example, a narcissist could encourage intimacy, but he would encourage intimacy to have power over his partner. So, he would use the intimacy to blackmail his partner to give him services or concessions.

Or he could, for example, encourage collaboration, but he would encourage a collaboration so that he reaps the fruit of the collaboration, so that he benefits, so that he profits, not equally.

So, whatever happens, the narcissist will leverage whatever happens and whatever attributes of the relationship for his own gain and for control.

So, it's a power play.

That's the first insurmountable problem in the relationship.

The second problem is contagion.

The longer you live with a narcissist, the longer you collaborate with a narcissist, the longer you love the narcissist, the more narcissistic you become.

Extremely simple. It's an infectious disease. It's a pathogen.

It's not possible to spend time with a narcissist and psychopath, narcissistic, no psychopathic.

You find yourself doing the most amazing things that you would have never believed you could do. I don't know, lie, cheat. And you don't recognize yourself anymore. You have lost your identity. You don't know who you are anymore.

It's extremely disorienting, extremely. It's like you have acquired the narcissist identity somehow. It's body snatching. It's like a body snatching process.

And you feel that while before you had met a narcissist, you had very clear, strict boundaries. When you have lived with a narcissist for a while, you begin to dissolve. Your boundaries begin to be very fuzzy and you begin to dissolve, like diluting something in the liquid, like you're diluted, like ink in a liquid.

You feel like this ink drop in a liquid. You feel that you are, you know.

And so the contagion effect is a major problem because it not only alters your behavior and your reactance, the way you react, but it alters your identity, who you are, or at the very least, your self-perception or perception of your identity.

It's disorienting and dislocating to the point of depersonalization, derealization, and dissociation.

When we no longer know who we are and we feel our identity is threatened, we do three things.

We depersonalize. We suddenly feel that we are not we. We suddenly feel that we are disconnected from ourselves. We derealize. We feel that our reality is a kind of nightmare. It's not real. We feel like we are in some horror movie, you know.

And that is where gaslighting comes into play.

Because gaslighting is extremely effective precisely because the victim already has already a feeling that reality is not real, that it's a horror movie. That's why gaslighting lighting works, because the victim is already disoriented.

And the third reaction, which is by far the most common, is dissociation, forgetting things, lapses in memory, deleting traumas, deleting sins, suppressing, and so on.

So the contagion effect also has an effect on memory, continuity, identity. It's a major effect.

It's not like, okay, if I live with the narcissist, I start to lie, which is bad enough.

That's not the issue. This is a small issue.

If I live with the narcissist, I start to not be. That's much more serious problem.

If you enjoyed this article, you might like the following:

Giving Narcissist Second Chance

Narcissists do not provide closure in relationships and will stalk, cajole, beg, promise, persuade, and ultimately succeed in doing the impossible to get you back. The narcissist will cast all interactions with you in terms of conflicts or competitions to be won. If you have resumed contact because you are manifestly dependent on the narcissist financially or emotionally, the narcissist will pounce on your frailty and exploit your fragility to the maximum. Ultimately, the narcissist will write the inevitable cycle of idealization and devaluation.

Can Narcissist Truly Love?

Narcissists are incapable of true love, but they do experience some emotion which they insist is love. Narcissists love their significant others as long as they continue to provide them with attention, or narcissistic supply. There are two types of narcissistic love: one type loves others as one would get attached to objects, while the other type abhors monotony and constancy, seeking instability, chaos, upheaval, drama, and change. In the narcissist's world, mature love is nowhere to be seen, and their so-called love is fear of losing control and hatred of the very people on whom their personality depends.

Cope with Narcissists: Abandon or Mirror

The best way to cope with a narcissist is to abandon them or threaten to abandon them. The narcissist is a binary person, and the carrot is also the stick in their case. If they get too close to someone emotionally, they fear abandonment and immediately distance themselves, acting cruelly and bringing about the very abandonment they feared. If one chooses to accept the narcissist, to live with them, to remain in an intimate relationship with them, it is a package deal. All their needs, demands, and requirements are included.

Deprogram the Narcissist in Your Mind

Narcissists play the role of a good enough mother, adopting a maternal role and idealizing their victims. They regress their victims to infancy, merging and fusing with them, eliminating their individuality and appropriating their individuality. The narcissist creates an introject, an internal representation of the victim, which is muted and spews out words attributed to the introject by the narcissist. The victim has an introject of the narcissist in their head, which is fully active and talks a lot, becoming a second, harsh, sadistic inner critic. The current advice to recognize and embrace victimhood is counterproductive, as it freezes the emergent roles allocated by the narcissist, and the locus of control remains in the narcissist's hands. Victims need to extricate

Love Your Narcissist? Make Him Stay, Depend on You (Tips, Resolutions)

In a relationship with a narcissist, it is important to know what not to do and what to do to maintain the relationship. Avoid disagreeing, contradicting, or criticizing the narcissist, and never offer intimacy or challenge their self-image. To make the narcissist dependent on you, listen attentively, agree with everything they say, offer something unique, be patient, and be emotionally and financially independent. It is also crucial to know yourself and set personal boundaries, treating yourself with dignity and demanding respect from others. If the relationship becomes abusive, consider going no-contact and ending the relationship for your own well-being.

How Narcissist's Victims Deceive Themselves

Narcissists cannot be cured and are a threat to those around them. Victims of narcissists often confuse shame with guilt and attribute remorsefulness to the narcissist when they are actually feeling shame for failing. Narcissists are attracted to vulnerable people who offer them a secure source of narcissistic supply. Healing is dependent on a sense of security in a relationship, but the narcissist is not interested in healing and would rather invest their energy in obtaining narcissistic supply. Narcissists lack empathy and cannot understand others, making them a danger to those around them.

Can You Love the Narcissist and Rescue Him?

Victims of narcissists often resort to fantasies and self-delusions to cope with their pain, believing that they can rescue the narcissist from their misery and misfortune. However, loving a narcissist is difficult, and any attempt to relate to them emotionally is doomed to failure. Narcissists are addicts in pursuit of gratification through the drug known as narcissistic supply, and they hone in on potential suppliers like cruise missiles. Victims of narcissists can become bitter and self-centered, lacking in empathy, and become more like the narcissist over time.

Paranoia, Narcissistic Mirroring, and Narcissistic Reflection

Narcissists tend to react with paranoia when they feel threatened, but these attacks tend to fade and the narcissist frequently homes in on new agents of persecution. The narcissist's paranoia is a grandiose fantasy aimed to regulate their sense of self-worth. The narcissist's partner tends to encourage their paranoid or threatening attention, and this is a game of two. Living with a narcissist can tilt one's mind toward abnormal reactions, and even after separation, the narcissist's partners typically still care for the narcissist greatly.

Narcissist's Family

Narcissists perceive new family members, including siblings, children, and even pets, as threats to their narcissistic supply. They may belittle, hurt, or humiliate them, or retreat into an imaginary world of omnipotence. Some narcissists seek to manipulate new family members to monopolize attention and vicariously obtain narcissistic supply. As siblings or offspring grow older and become critical, the narcissist devalues and discards them, feeling stifled and trapped. The family disintegrates, and the cycle begins anew with the arrival of new family members.

Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers

Narcissistic mothers can have a significant impact on their adult daughters' relationships, with children of narcissistic parents being ill-adapted and prone to deploying psychological defense mechanisms. They can become co-dependent, needy, demanding, and submissive, fearing abandonment and displaying immature behaviors. Some children of narcissistic parents become inverted narcissists, craving relationships with narcissists, while others become counterdependent or even narcissists themselves. Narcissistic mothers micromanage their child's life and encourage dependent and infantile behaviors, emotionally blackmailing them and threatening to disinherit them if they do not comply with their wishes.

Transcripts Copyright © Sam Vaknin 2010-2023, under license to William DeGraaf
Website Copyright © William DeGraaf 2022-2023
Get it on Google Play
Privacy policy