Narcissist: Loser and Failure

Uploaded 10/20/2010, approx. 4 minute read

My name is Sam Vaknin. I am the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited.

Three traits of a narcissist conspire to render him a failure and a loser.

The first trait is the narcissist's sense of entitlement.

The second is the narcissist's hotiness, arrogance, and innate conviction that he is superior.

The third trait is the narcissist's aversion to routine.

The narcissist's sense of entitlement encourages his indolence. He firmly believes that he should be spoon-fed and that accomplishments and honors should be handed to him on a silver platter without any commensurate effort on his part.

His mere existence justifies exceptional treatment.

Many narcissists are under-qualified, and they lack skills because they can't be bothered with the minutiae of obtaining an academic degree of professional training or exams. They are above such mundane chores.

The narcissist's arrogance and belief that he is superior to others whom he typically holds in contempt.

In other words, the narcissist's grandiose fantasies, these hamper his ability to function in society.

The cumulative outcomes of this social dysfunction gradually transform him into a recluse and an outcast. The narcissist is shunned by colleagues, employers, neighbors, erstwhile friends, and finally, even by long-suffering family members who tire of his tirades and rants.

Unable to work in a team to compromise, to give credit for a due, and to strive towards long-term goals, the narcissist's skilled and as gifted as he may be finds himself unemployed and unemployable, his bad reputation preceding him.

Even when offered a job or a business opportunity, the narcissist records. He bolts. He obstructs each and every stage of the negotiations or the transaction. He becomes passive-aggressive or in professional terms, negativistic.

But this passive-aggressive, negativistic and masochistic conduct has nothing to do with the narcissist's aforementioned indolence.

The narcissist is not afraid of some forms of hard work. He invests in ordinary amounts of energy, forethought, planning, zest, and sweat in securing narcissistic supply, for instance.

So it's not that he avoids work generally. He avoids certain types of labor and toil.

The narcissist sabotages new employment or business prospects is owing to his abhorrence of routine. He hates routine.

Narcissists feel trapped, shackled and enslaved by the quotidian, by the repetitive tasks that are inevitably involved in fulfilling one's assignments in a job. They hate the methodical, step-by-step, long-term approach.

Possessed of magical thinking, they'd rather wait for miracles to happen than make them happen. Jobs, business deals, and teamwork require perseverance and tolerance of boredom.

And not the narcissist likes both.

Life forces most narcissists into the hard slope of a steady job or a succession of jobs.

Such unfortunate narcissists, coerced into a framework they resent, are likely to act out and erupt in a series of self-destructive and self-defeating acts.

But there are other narcissists, the luckier ones, those who can afford not to work. They laze about and touch themselves in a variety of idle and trivial pursuits, seek entertainment and trills wherever and whenever they can, leave off others in parasitic form, and while their lives are away, at once content and bitter.

They are content with their lifestyle and the minimum demand it imposes on them. They are bitter because they haven't achieved before. They haven't reached the pinnacle of their profession. They haven't become as rich and famous or powerful as they believe themselves, deserving.

Yet, even though they realize that they are failures, the narcissist cannot draw a line between his current station in life, the defeats and failures that he has experienced, and the reasons, the causes his own traits, his own misbehaviors, his own misconduct.

The narcissist doesn't see the connection between these two. He does not realize that actions have consequences.

He believes that he is immune to the cosmic justice. He believes that everything should transpire without effort, without toy, without labor, without perspiration. He believes in inspiration. He believes himself to be an artist of life, and the world is his canvas.

He usually ends his life lonely, bitter, reckless, failure, a loser.

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Zombie Narcissist: Deficient Narcissistic Supply

Narcissists are constantly seeking praise, adoration, admiration, approval, applause, attention, and other forms of narcissistic supply. When they fail to obtain sufficient supply, they react much like a drug addict would. They become dysphoric, depressed, and may resort to alternative addictions. In extreme cases of deprivation, they may even entertain suicidal thoughts. Narcissists also have a sense of magical thinking, believing that they will always prevail and that good things will always happen to them, rendering them fearless and cloaked in divine and cosmic immunity.

Raging Narcissist: Merely Pissed-off?

Narcissistic rage is a phenomenon that occurs when a narcissist is frustrated in their pursuit of narcissistic supply, causing narcissistic injury. The narcissist then projects a bad object onto the source of their frustration and rages against a perceived evil entity that has injured and frustrated them. Narcissistic rage is not the same as normal anger and has two forms: explosive and pernicious or passive-aggressive. People with personality disorders are in a constant state of anger, which is effectively suppressed most of the time, and they are afraid to show that they are angry to meaningful others because they are afraid to lose them.

Gullible Narcissist Victimized and Abused

Narcissists are more gullible than the average person because they live in a fantasy world of their own making, where they are at the center of the universe. They are prone to magical thinking and believe they are immune to the consequences of their actions. Narcissists feel entitled to everything and are easily duped, cheated, and deceived. They attract abuse and are often targeted by stalkers and persecutors, usually mentally ill people who develop a fixation on the narcissist.

Narcissist Has No Friends

Narcissists treat their friends like Watson and Hastings, who are obsequious and unthreatening, and provide them with an adulating gallery. Narcissists cannot empathize or love, and therefore have no real friends. They are interested in securing narcissistic supply from narcissistic supply sources. The narcissist overvalues people when they are judged to be potential sources of supply, and devalues them when no longer able to supply him, ultimately leading to the alienation and distancing of people.

Loser Narcissist: Failure as Success

Narcissists are often anxious about their performance and feel like frauds, which leads them to be comfortable in their failures. They become experts at floundering and are adept at the art of blundering. They use projective identification to coerce people around them to help them fail and recreate their spectacular downfalls. Being a loser becomes an identity, and they are proud of their mishaps with fortune and institutions.

The Signs of the Narcissist

Narcissists are difficult to spot, but there are subtle signs that can be picked up on, such as entitlement markers, idealization and devaluation, and a lack of empathy. Narcissists are often perceived as anti-social and are unable to secure the sympathy of others. They are also prone to projecting a false self and using primitive defense mechanisms such as splitting, projection, projective identification, and intellectualization.

Narcissistic Rage and Narcissistic Injury

Narcissistic injury is any threat to the narcissist's grandiose self-perception, and the narcissist actively solicits narcissistic supply to regulate and sustain their ego. The narcissist is caught between their habit and frustration, leading to disproportionate reactions to perceived insults. Narcissistic rage has two forms: explosive and passive-aggressive. The narcissist's aggression is directed outside and inside themselves, and they often become vindictive and harass those they perceive as sources of their frustration.

Old-age Narcissist

Narcissists age without grace, unable to accept their fallibility and mortality. They suffer from mental progeria, aging prematurely and finding themselves in a time warp. The longer they live, the more average they become, and the wider the gulf between their pretensions and accomplishments. Few narcissists save for rainy days, and those who succeed in their vocation end up bitterly alone, having squandered the love of family, offspring, and mates.

When Narcissist Runs Out of Supply (Self-supply Compilation)

Narcissists exhibit a sense of sacrificial entitlement, believing that their presence in someone's life is a privilege and a sacrifice on their part. This self-perception combines grandiosity with victimhood, as they see themselves as superior beings who are condescending to interact with others. This form of entitlement is a method of self-supply, reinforcing their grandiose self-image while also framing themselves as victims who are giving up their potential for the sake of others. Narcissists may use this mindset to justify expecting gratitude, obedience, and submission from those around them.

Narcissist's Immunity

Narcissists possess magical thinking and narcissistic immunity, which is the erroneous feeling that they are immune to the consequences of their actions. The sources of this fantastic misappraisal of situations and chains of events are the false self, a sense of entitlement, the narcissist's ability to manipulate their human environment, and the narcissist's inability to empathize. Narcissists are convinced of a great, inevitable personal destiny and are pathologically envious of people, projecting their aggression onto them. When required to account for their misdeeds, the narcissist is always distainful, bitter, and resentful.

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