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Narcissist Imagines Himself Through YOUR Gaze (Attributional Delusions)

Uploaded 3/10/2024, approx. 8 minute read

I would like to clarify another nuance, another subtlety in the endless hall of mirrors that is narcissism.

Narcissists idealize themselves, they idealize themselves through the gaze of other people.

This is known as narcissistic supply.

They regulate their sense of self-worth through input or feedback from other people.

But something that is less known is that narcissists make assumptions about the gaze of other people.

They observe other people observing them and then they construct a narrative around this gaze of other people.

They say they are watching me and this is what they are thinking as they are watching me.

This is what they believe.

And so narcissists react strongly, not only to the actual content of the gaze of other people, but to assumptions they make about the contents of the gaze of other people.

And actually I can say that narcissists react mostly to their assumptions about what other people think about them.

They say to themselves, they must be admiring me right now.

Or they probably find me irresistible.

Or she definitely finds me attractive.

Or they most assuredly think that I'm a genius.

So they impute to other people, they attribute to other people thoughts, beliefs, kind of attitudes, motivations and so on and so forth.

And then they come to believe their own attribution.

This is very typical of narcissists.

Narcissists inhabit an internal world.

They don't interact with the external world.

They don't perceive other people as external objects.

Narcissists are bad on reality, strong on fantasy.

So they look at other people, they observe the way other people observe them and then they attribute to other people thoughts and beliefs and so on and so forth.

And then they react to the thoughts and beliefs that they have attributed to other people without bothering to check with these other people whether their assumptions and presumptions are correct.

So for example, a cerebral narcissist may say to himself, they find me exceedingly intelligent, amazingly intellectual, a genius.

They love me.

I am lovable because in their eyes, I'm a genius.

And because they find me lovable, I can find me myself lovable.

I can become my own love object.

And so this is the way the narcissist experiences something akin to self-love.

I would call it infatuation by proxy via the good services of other people, via other people's gaze.

So he becomes or she becomes, the narcissist becomes his or her own love object because he assumes that other people find him or her lovable by virtue of being a genius.

That's a cerebral narcissist.

A somatic narcissist would say, "Oh my God, she finds me so irresistible, so attractive.

I am, I don't know, a stud.

I am amazingly irresistible." So he convinces himself or she convinces herself, the narcissist convinces himself that he is attractive, that he is irresistible.

He attributes this mental content to the observer and then it becomes reality because anything that passes through the narcissist's mind must be reality.

The narcissist is never wrong.

He's infallible.

So then the narcissist says, "She thinks I'm irresistible.

She finds me super attractive.

She's very drawn to me.

She wants me.

She desires me.

She's passionate about me." And gradually he begins to perceive himself as a sex object, irresistible, attractive.

He begins to desire himself.

He begins to redirect sexual energy, also known as Eros, a part of libido.

He begins to redirect sexual energy at himself because of the gaze of others.

Because others find him irresistible and attractive in his own mind, at least, he finds himself irresistible and attractive and he becomes his own sexual object, sex object.

He begins to be attracted to himself.

He arouses himself sexually, a process known as auto-erotism.

So idealization is two-faced.

When the narcissist idealizes other people, he idealizes them in order to give them the power to idealize him.

If he associates with high-level people, if he's married to a drop-dead gorgeous woman, if he's considered a genius by his students, their idealization reflects on him and renders him ideal.

So now he can love himself.

He can become his own love object.

He can be sexually attracted to himself.

He can find himself sexually attractive.


Somatic narcissists masturbate with other people's bodies.

They are not attracted to anyone whatsoever.

They're attracted only to their own bodies.

They find themselves the primary sex object.

Other people are there to remind them how attractive and irresistible they are.

Okay, one last thing.

Remember, there's no type constancy.

When the cerebral fails, when there's a state of collapse, when the cerebral fails to obtain narcissistic supply or narcissistic supply is deficient and irregular, the cerebral becomes temporarily somatic.

Similarly, when the somatic fails because he's getting older, because he's not as successful as he used to be with sexual conquests and so on.

So when the somatic collapses, he attempts to become cerebral, which is usually a pitiful and pathetic site.

Okay, but there's no type constancy.

A cerebral can become somatic even for years and a somatic can attempt to become cerebral even for years.

So when they do, the locus of the idealization changes.

The cerebral used to idealize himself as a genius through other people's eyes.

Now having become somatic, he idealizes himself as an irresistible, attractive hunk or stud or whatever, and he finds himself sexually attractive to himself through the attribution of such attractiveness and irresistibility to the gaze of others.

Similarly, the somatic begins to consider himself a philosopher, a genius, an amazing mind, a public intellectual, a somatic.

So remember that what I've just said, narcissists transition between states.

What remains constant is the need, the desperate need for the gaze of other people, for input and feedback from other people.

Even though these other people, they are not perceived as external objects, they are perceived as internal objects, still their input and feedback is regulatory.

It allows the narcissist to regulate his internal environment, especially his sense of self-worth and to cater to his need to love only himself, to become the exclusive love object and to be sexually attracted only to himself, to become his own lover, his own sex object.

Now, of course, when I say love in this video, this is not love as we know it.

It's much closer, I would say, to limerence or infatuation or lust even.

It's not deep, it's not profound.

Narcissists don't love themselves. They actually loathe and hate and reject themselves, which is why they need other people to tell them that they are lovable, they are sexy, they are irresistible, they are amazing.

Okay, that's known as co-idealization, another twist and turn in the endless saga of narcissism.

If you enjoyed this article, you might like the following:

Narcissist Re-idealizes Discarded Sources of Narcissistic Supply

Narcissists maintain discarded sources of supply in a mental reserve and may seek them out when other options are unavailable, attempting to recycle these sources for validation. To reconnect with a devalued source, they must re-idealize it without admitting past mistakes, creating a narrative that reconciles their previous devaluation with the new idealized view. Old sources of supply should remain indifferent to the narcissist's attempts to reconnect, as this indifference is intolerable to them and deprives them of the attention they crave. Ultimately, narcissists view everyone as potential sources of supply, even enemies, as any emotional response, positive or negative, serves to validate their existence.


Narcissist Has No Friends

Narcissists treat their friends like Watson and Hastings, who are obsequious and unthreatening, and provide them with an adulating gallery. Narcissists cannot empathize or love, and therefore have no real friends. They are interested in securing narcissistic supply from narcissistic supply sources. The narcissist overvalues people when they are judged to be potential sources of supply, and devalues them when no longer able to supply him, ultimately leading to the alienation and distancing of people.


Issues in Narcissistic Supply

Narcissists devalue their sources of narcissistic supply because they resent their dependency on them, viewing their qualities as both necessary for supply and contemptible. This devaluation allows narcissists to reassert their superiority and control, as they perceive intimacy and dependency as threats to their uniqueness. They also experience boredom with their sources over time, leading to a cycle of seeking new supply when the current one becomes predictable. Ultimately, narcissists view all relationships as transactional, where any form of attention, whether positive or negative, serves to fulfill their need for validation and existence.


Negative, Fake, Low-grade Narcissistic Supply

Normal individuals seek a balanced amount of attention, while narcissists are insatiable, constantly craving affirmation to sustain their self-worth. They create a false self, projecting an idealized version of themselves to elicit reactions from others, which they refer to as narcissistic supply. Even negative attention can serve as supply for narcissists, as they prioritize any form of attention over being ignored, manipulating others to maintain their focus. Ultimately, the narcissist's existence revolves around this relentless pursuit of attention, which is intertwined with their internal struggles and feelings of worthlessness.


Faces of Narcissist's Aggression

Narcissists possess a grandiose sense of self-importance and believe in their unique mission, often viewing their lives as significant narratives meant for future documentation. They expect others to recognize their entitlement and comply with their needs, leading to frustration and aggression when the world does not accommodate them. This aggression can manifest in various forms, including passive-aggressive comments disguised as helpful advice, which serve to inflict emotional harm. Ultimately, narcissists harbor deep-seated hostility and resentment, making their interactions potentially harmful to those around them.


Predator Narcissist: YOU are the Prey!

Narcissists have the ability to see through other people's emotional shields and know when they are deviating from the truth. They can intuitively grasp other people's self-interested goals and accurately predict their strategies and tactics. Narcissists can't stand self-important, self-inflated, pompous, vigorous, self-righteous, sanctimonious, and hypocritical people because they recognize themselves in them. They expose people's vulnerabilities and force them to confront their true selves, their dead-end careers, their mundane lives, the death of their hopes and dreams and wishes, their shattered illusions.


Narcissist's Routines

Narcissists have a series of routines that are developed through rote learning and repetitive patterns of experience. These routines are used to reduce anxiety and transform the world into a manageable and controllable one. The narcissist is a creature of habit and finds change unsettling. The narcissist's routines are often broken down when they are breached or can no longer be defended, leading to a narcissistic injury.


Narcissistic Supply - How Does It FEEL?

Narcissistic supply is a crucial element for narcissists, serving as a means of external regulation for their self-worth, emotions, and moods, which are otherwise unstable. Unlike normal compliments, narcissistic supply is fantasy-based and deeply intertwined with the narcissist's grandiose self-perception, leading to a distorted view of reality and a dependency akin to addiction. When narcissists receive this supply, they experience a euphoric rush that reinforces their sense of superiority and perfection, while the absence of supply can lead to feelings of shame and collapse. Ultimately, narcissistic supply is not merely about seeking validation; it is a vital mechanism for maintaining their fragile internal state and managing their fear of abandonment.


Narcissist: I Love to be Hated and I Hate to be Loved

The speaker revels in being feared and hated, finding power and satisfaction in the horror they evoke in others. They thrive on their notoriety and the attention it brings, using truth as a weapon to inflict pain while simultaneously seeking punishment as a form of validation. The narcissist experiences a profound internal conflict, feeling both superior and worthless, leading to a constant struggle against perceived mediocrity and a deep-seated need for narcissistic supply. This internal turmoil manifests as a grandiosity gap, where the narcissist grapples with feelings of fraudulence and worthlessness, ultimately seeking doom as a means of silencing their self-loathing.


Contemptuous Narcissist, Contemptible You, Psychopath Celebrates

Narcissists exhibit a profound sense of contempt towards others, perceiving them as weak or inferior, which reinforces their own grandiosity and sense of superiority. They are particularly triggered by any signs of vulnerability or inadequacy, interpreting these traits as threats to their self-image and using them to manipulate or exploit others. The narcissist's relationship with emotions is complex; they view emotional expression as a weakness and often react with suspicion or disdain towards those who display empathy or attachment. Ultimately, the narcissist's worldview is characterized by a zero-sum mentality, where they must constantly assert their superiority while simultaneously feeling threatened by the perceived inferiority of others.

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