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Narcissist Re-idealizes Discarded Sources of Narcissistic Supply

Uploaded 10/29/2012, approx. 3 minute read

My name is Sam Vaknin, and I am the author of Malignant Self-Love: Narcissism Revisited.

The narcissist keeps discarded devalued sources of supply in reserve in kind of a mental warehouse.

The narcissist seeks out his old sources of narcissistic supply when he has absolutely no other narcissistic supply source at his disposal.

Narcissists frantically try to recycle their erstwhile and wasted sources in such a situation.

But the narcissist would not do even that had he not felt that he could still successfully extract a modicum of narcissistic supply from the old source.

He must realize that even negative supply is narcissistic supply, even to attack the narcissist is to recognize the narcissist's existence and to attend to him.

So, contacting a devalued and discarded source of supply requires its re-idealization.

When he dumped and abandoned the old source, the narcissist devalued it. He convinced himself that the defunct source was low-quality, inferior, deficient, defective, hostile or otherwise not such a big loss.

But now what to do? He has to be in touch with such a source again.

So now the narcissist has to rekindle his appraisal and re-idealize the source without admitting to having been mistaken in the first place.

To preserve his grandiosity and sense of omniscience, the narcissist comes up with a narrative that accommodates both the devaluing content and the re-idealized image of the source.

Examples. In the devaluation phase, the narcissist may say, I am leaving her because she is abusive. In the re-idealization phase, the same narcissist says about the same devalued and discarded source of supply. She may have abused me, but she meant well. Whichever way she acted, it was with the best intentions in mind.

In the devaluation phase, the narcissist would say, I am highly intelligent and cannot maintain a relationship with a stupid person such as this woman. In the re-idealization phase, the narcissist would say, she may be naive and callable, but this renders her original and authentic.

A re-idealization of the devalued source.

So if you are an old source of narcissistic supply, first get over the excitement of seeing him again. It may be flattering. Perhaps sexually arousing.

Try to overcome these feelings.

Then, simply ignore the narcissist. Don't bother to respond in any way to his offer to get together. If he talks to you, keep quiet, don't answer. If he calls you, listen politely and then say goodbye and hang up. Return his gifts unopened.

Indifference is what the narcissist cannot stand. It indicates a lack of attention and interest that constitutes the kernel of a negative narcissistic supply which is to be avoided.

One should be careful not to romanticize the narcissist. His remorse and good behavior are always linked to fears of losing his sources.

Narcissists have no enemies. They only have sources of narcissistic supply. An enemy means attention. Attention means supply. So even an enemy can be a source of supply. One won't sway over one's enemy.

If the narcissist has the power to provoke emotions in you, then you are still a source of supply to him, even if these emotions are negative, like hatred or fear.

Regardless of which emotions the narcissist provokes, you are his supply source forever.

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Narcissist Has No Friends

Narcissists treat their friends like Watson and Hastings, who are obsequious and unthreatening, and provide them with an adulating gallery. Narcissists cannot empathize or love, and therefore have no real friends. They are interested in securing narcissistic supply from narcissistic supply sources. The narcissist overvalues people when they are judged to be potential sources of supply, and devalues them when no longer able to supply him, ultimately leading to the alienation and distancing of people.


Issues in Narcissistic Supply

Narcissists devalue their sources of narcissistic supply because they resent their dependency on them, viewing their qualities as both necessary for supply and contemptible. This devaluation allows narcissists to reassert their superiority and control, as they perceive intimacy and dependency as threats to their uniqueness. They also experience boredom with their sources over time, leading to a cycle of seeking new supply when the current one becomes predictable. Ultimately, narcissists view all relationships as transactional, where any form of attention, whether positive or negative, serves to fulfill their need for validation and existence.


Recluse Narcissist

Narcissists do not have friends in the usual sense of the word, as they are only interested in securing the provision of narcissistic supply from others. They overvalue people when they are judged to be potential sources of supply, but discard them nonchalantly when they are no longer able or willing to supply them. The narcissist's behavior, choices, acts, attitudes, beliefs, interests, and life are curtailed by their sensitivity to outside opinion, and they avoid situations where they are likely to encounter opposition, criticism, or competition. The fear of flying is at the heart of narcissism.


Narcissistic Supply - How Does It FEEL?

Narcissistic supply is a crucial element for narcissists, serving as a means of external regulation for their self-worth, emotions, and moods, which are otherwise unstable. Unlike normal compliments, narcissistic supply is fantasy-based and deeply intertwined with the narcissist's grandiose self-perception, leading to a distorted view of reality and a dependency akin to addiction. When narcissists receive this supply, they experience a euphoric rush that reinforces their sense of superiority and perfection, while the absence of supply can lead to feelings of shame and collapse. Ultimately, narcissistic supply is not merely about seeking validation; it is a vital mechanism for maintaining their fragile internal state and managing their fear of abandonment.


Remain Friends with the Narcissist?

Narcissists are only friendly when they need something from you, such as narcissistic supply, help, support, votes, money, or sex. They also become friendly when they feel threatened and want to smother the threat with pleasantries. Narcissists are also over-friendly when they have just been infused with an overdose of narcissistic supply. Some people prefer to live with narcissists because they have been conditioned to treat narcissistic abuse as background noise and are compensated for the abuse by the thrills provided by living with a narcissist. However, inverted narcissists are typically unhappy and in need of help, which suggests that they are victims who experience the Stockholm Syndrome.


Predator Narcissist: YOU are the Prey!

Narcissists have the ability to see through other people's emotional shields and know when they are deviating from the truth. They can intuitively grasp other people's self-interested goals and accurately predict their strategies and tactics. Narcissists can't stand self-important, self-inflated, pompous, vigorous, self-righteous, sanctimonious, and hypocritical people because they recognize themselves in them. They expose people's vulnerabilities and force them to confront their true selves, their dead-end careers, their mundane lives, the death of their hopes and dreams and wishes, their shattered illusions.


Inanimate Objects as Sources of Narcissistic Supply

Narcissists can find inanimate objects as sources of narcissistic supply, as long as they have the potential to attract attention and admiration. Narcissists often use objects as status symbols, which can elicit admiration, envy, and aspiration from others. However, narcissists can also become attached to objects and memorabilia, which can provide emotional support and remind them of their past glories and potential future grandeur. Narcissists can objectify people and anthropomorphize objects to derive maximum narcissistic supply from both, leading to a shared psychosis and cult-like behavior among those closest to them.


Narcissist Hates His Fans, Followers, and Admirers

Narcissists depend on their followers for narcissistic supply but resent their addictive dependence and hold their followers in contempt. They see themselves as beyond human comprehension and refuse to grant anyone special privileges. The narcissist demands complete obedience from their followers and punishes those who stray. Cult leaders are often narcissists who failed to become famous and impress the world with their uniqueness, and they resent their followers for witnessing their fraudulence and failure.


Narcissistic Entitlement=Learned Helplessness+Grandiosity

Entitlement is a crucial pillar of narcissism, and it is one of the diagnostic criteria in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual. Narcissists feel entitled to everything, including narcissistic supply, which they believe they are owed by the world. Entitlement is a form of learned helplessness, which is acquired through abusive parenting. Narcissists hate routine and use emotional investment prevention mechanisms to avoid getting emotionally involved and subsequently getting hurt.


Narcissist's Cult

Narcissists are like cult leaders who demand complete obedience and adulation from their followers. They impose a shared psychosis on their members, control every aspect of their lives, and punish severely those who fail to conform to their wishes. Narcissists act in a patronizing and condescending manner, criticize often, and expect constant attention and admiration. They are inflexible, intolerant of criticism, and demand complete trust and control over decision-making. Narcissists are always on the lookout for new recruits and feel entitled to special amenities and benefits not accorded to others.

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