Recluse Narcissist

Uploaded 10/8/2011, approx. 3 minute read

My name is Sam Vaknin, and I am the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited.

Do narcissists have friends?

Well, not in the usual sense of the word, and not that they know of.

The narcissist is one-track-minded. He is interested in securing the provision of narcissistic supply, emanating from narcissistic supply sources.

He says that his world is as narrow as an ant's, to borrow a poetic term or phrase from the Hebrew lyrical poetess Rachele.

This sensuality also characterizes the narcissist's human and interpersonal relationships.

The narcissist is not interested in people as such.

Uncapable of empathizing, he is a solipsist, recognizing only himself as human. All others are to the narcissist's three-dimensional cartoons, tools and instruments in the tedious and sisyphean task of generating and consuming narcissistic supply.

In this sense, the narcissist is a predator.

The narcissist overvalues people when they are judged to be potential sources of supply. He then uses them and devalues them when they are no longer able or willing to supply him.

The narcissist discards people nonchalantly and offhandedly and abruptly.

This behavior pattern tends to alienate and to distance people from him.

Gradually, the social circle of the narcissist dwindles and ultimately vanishes. People around the narcissist, who are not alienated by the ugly succession of his acts and attitudes, are rendered desperate and fatigued by the turbulent nature of the narcissist's life.

The people still loyal to the narcissist gradually abandon him because they can no longer withstand and tolerate the ups and downs of his career, his moods, his confrontations and conflicts with authority, his chaotic financial state and the dissolution of his emotional affairs.

The narcissist is a kind of a human rollercoaster, fun for a limited time, nauseating in the long run.

This is one aspect of the process of narcissistic confinement.

Another example or another dimension.

Ever sensitive to outside opinion, the narcissist's behavior, choices, acts, attitudes, beliefs, interests, in short the narcissist's very life, is curtailed by this sensitivity.

The narcissist derives his ego functions from observing his reflection in other people's eyes.

Gradually he hones in on the right mixture of texts and actions which elicit narcissistic supply from his environment. Anything, and I mean anything, which might, however remotely, jeopardize and danger the availability or the quantity of narcissistic supply is censored by the narcissist.

The narcissist avoids certain situations, for instance, where he is likely to encounter opposition, to be tested, to undergo criticism or to be in a state of competition.

The narcissist refrains from certain activities and actions which are incompatible with his projected false self, which are incompatible with his omnipotence, omniscience, divine-like nature.

The narcissist employs a host of what I call emotional involvement prevention measures.

He becomes rigid, repetitive, predictable, boring, limits himself to safe subjects, such as endlessly himself, and to safe conduct, hysterical and raging when confronted with unexpected situations or with the slightest objection to his preconceived course of action.

The narcissist's rage is not so much a reaction to offended grandiosity as it is the outcome of panic.

The narcissist maintains a precarious balance, a mental house of cards, poised on the verge of a precipice.

His equilibrium is so delicate that anything can upset him.

A casual remark, a disagreement, a slight criticism, a hint, a fear or even his own imagination.

The narcissist magnifies all these into monstrous, ominous proportions.

To avoid these not so imagined threats to his precarious balance, the narcissist prefers to stay at home.

He limits his social intercourse. He abstains from daring, trying or venturing out. He is crippled.

And this indeed is the very essence of the malignancy that is at the heart of narcissism, the fear of flying.

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Narcissist Has No Friends

Narcissists treat their friends like Watson and Hastings, who are obsequious and unthreatening, and provide them with an adulating gallery. Narcissists cannot empathize or love, and therefore have no real friends. They are interested in securing narcissistic supply from narcissistic supply sources. The narcissist overvalues people when they are judged to be potential sources of supply, and devalues them when no longer able to supply him, ultimately leading to the alienation and distancing of people.

Narcissist Re-idealizes Discarded Sources of Narcissistic Supply

Narcissists keep discarded sources of supply in reserve and seek them out when they have no other supply source. They frantically try to recycle their old sources and re-idealize them without admitting to having been mistaken in the first place. To preserve their grandiosity, they come up with a narrative that accommodates both the devaluing content and the re-idealized image of the source. If you are an old source of narcissistic supply, simply ignore the narcissist as indifference is what they cannot stand.

How Narcissist's Victims Deceive Themselves

Narcissists cannot be cured and are a threat to those around them. Victims of narcissists often confuse shame with guilt and attribute remorsefulness to the narcissist when they are actually feeling shame for failing. Narcissists are attracted to vulnerable people who offer them a secure source of narcissistic supply. Healing is dependent on a sense of security in a relationship, but the narcissist is not interested in healing and would rather invest their energy in obtaining narcissistic supply. Narcissists lack empathy and cannot understand others, making them a danger to those around them.

Narcissist in Court and Litigation

Narcissists are skilled at distorting reality and presenting plausible alternative scenarios, making it difficult to expose their lies in court. However, it is possible to break a narcissist by finding their weak spots and using them to inflict pain. The narcissist is likely to react with rage to any statement that contradicts their inflated perception of themselves or suggests they are not special. They feel entitled to be treated differently from others and cannot tolerate criticism or being told they are not as intelligent or successful as they think they are.

Narcissist Grooms Sources of Narcissistic Supply: Exploits Tragedy, Crisis, and Misfortune

Narcissists are callous and ruthless enough to exploit the tragedy of others. They are obsessed with the maintenance of their delicate inner balance through the ever-increasing consumption of narcissistic supply. The narcissist regards and treats his sources of narcissistic supply as full-fledged human beings, but only as long as they can provide him with what he needs. The narcissist always evaluates the victims of tragedies to see if they can become sources of supply or can be used as props in the theater of his life.

Remain Friends with the Narcissist?

Narcissists are only friendly when they need something from you, such as narcissistic supply, help, support, votes, money, or sex. They also become friendly when they feel threatened and want to smother the threat with pleasantries. Narcissists are also over-friendly when they have just been infused with an overdose of narcissistic supply. Some people prefer to live with narcissists because they have been conditioned to treat narcissistic abuse as background noise and are compensated for the abuse by the thrills provided by living with a narcissist. However, inverted narcissists are typically unhappy and in need of help, which suggests that they are victims who experience the Stockholm Syndrome.

Predator Narcissist: YOU are the Prey!

Narcissists have the ability to see through other people's emotional shields and know when they are deviating from the truth. They can intuitively grasp other people's self-interested goals and accurately predict their strategies and tactics. Narcissists can't stand self-important, self-inflated, pompous, vigorous, self-righteous, sanctimonious, and hypocritical people because they recognize themselves in them. They expose people's vulnerabilities and force them to confront their true selves, their dead-end careers, their mundane lives, the death of their hopes and dreams and wishes, their shattered illusions.

Narcissist's Certain Losses

Narcissists are obsessed with securing sources of supply, but once they have them, they lose interest and take them for granted. Many sources of supply eventually break free from the narcissist's grip, causing the narcissist to feel abandoned and lose control. However, when the loss is tangible, the narcissist regains his former zeal and embarks on a charm offensive to reacquire what was lost. Once the targets are reacquired, the narcissist reverts to his abusive and indifferent behavior until another round of losses and reanimation.

Embarrassing Narcissist

Narcissists lack self-awareness and are only intimate with their false self, which is constructed from years of lying and deceit. Their overpowering sense of entitlement is rarely commensurate with their accomplishments in real life or with their traits. They often make inflated and inane claims about their sexual prowess, wealth, connections, history, or achievements. This failure of the reality test can have serious and irreversible consequences, as narcissists may make life and death decisions in fields they are academically unqualified for.

Narcissist: Normal People are Enigma

The narcissist feels that they cannot understand normal people and that they are often exploited in their relationships. They try hard not to offend others and give a lot, but it seems that they can do nothing right. The narcissist feels that they are a mental leper and that people only tolerate them because of what they can offer. They acquiesce in the asymmetry of their relationships and have known no differently since their early childhood.

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