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Narcissist's Addiction Atypical

Uploaded 4/20/2011, approx. 6 minute read

My name is Sam Vaknin, and I am the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited.

Of a luminous literature notwithstanding, there is very little convincing empirical research about the correlation between personality traits and addictive behaviors. Substance abuse and dependence in the forms of alcoholism or drug addiction, that is only one form of recurrent and self-defeating patterns of misconduct. People are addicted to all kinds of things, gambling, shopping, the internet, reckless, life-endangering pursuits, and more.

Adrenaline junkies are all around us and abound. The connection between chronic anxiety, or histological narcissism, depression, obsessive-compulsive traits, and alcoholism and drug abuse, this connection is well-documented, well-established, and very common in clinical practice.

But not all narcissists, compulsives, depressives, and anxious people turn to the bottle or to the needle.

Frequent claims of finding a gene complex responsible for alcoholism have been consistently cast in doubt, not to say refuted.

In 1993, Berman and Noble suggested that addictive, reckless behaviors are mere emergent phenomena and may be linked to other more fundamental traits, such as novelty-seeking or risk-taking.

Psychopaths, patients with antisocial personality disorder, have both qualities in ample quantities, both novelty-seeking and risk-taking. We would expect psychopaths, therefore, to heavily abuse alcohol and drugs.

Indeed, as Lewis and Buchholz convincingly demonstrated in 1991, psychopaths do abuse drugs and alcohol in an inordinate proportion. Still, only a negligible minority of alcoholics and drug addicts are psychopaths.

In my book, Malignant Self-Love: Narcissism Revisited, I have written, Pathologic Narcissism is an addiction to narcissistic supply. It is the narcissist drug of choice.

It is therefore not surprising that other addictive and reckless behaviors, alcoholism, alcoholism, drug abuse, pathological gambling, compulsory shopping, or retro-driving piggyback on this primary dependence.

Narcissist, like all other types of addicts, derives pleasure from these exploits, but they also sustain and enhance his grandiose fantasies as unique, superior, daring, entitled, or chosen. They place him above the laws and pressures of the mundane and away from the humiliating and sobering demands of reality.

This kind of behaviors, reckless, addictive, render the narcissist the center of attention, but also place him in splendid isolation from the maddening and inferior crowd.

Such compulsory and wild pursuits provide a psychological exoskeleton. They are a substitute to quotidian existence. They afford the narcissist with an agenda, with timetables, calls, schedules, and four achievements.

The narcissist, an adrenaline junkie, feels that he is in control, alert, excited, and vital. When he engages in these behaviors, when he pathologically gambles or recklessly drives, he does not regard his condition as dependence.

The narcissist firmly believes that he is in charge of his addiction, that he can quit at will and on short notice, which of course is not true.

In our attempt to decipher the human psyche, in itself a mere construct, not an ontological entity, we have come up with two answers.

The first one is that behaviors, moods, emotions, and cognitions are wholly reducible to biochemical reactions and neural pathways in the brain. This medicalization of what it is to be human is inevitably hotly contested and disputed.

The second answer is that behaviors, moods, emotions, and cognitions can be explained and predicted by the introduction of scientific theories based on primary concepts.

Psychoanalysis is an early and now widely disregarded and discarded example of such an approach to human affairs.

So the concepts of addiction and pathological narcissism were introduced in order to account for oft-recurring amalgams of behaviors, moods, emotions, and cognitions.

Both concepts are organizing, exegetic, explanatory principles with some predictive powers. Both concepts, pathological narcissism and addiction, hark back to Calvinist and Puritan strands of Protestantism where excess and compulsion considered to be inner demons were important topics of conversation.

Yet though clearly umbilically connected, as I've demonstrated elsewhere, addictive behaviors and narcissistic defenses also differ in some critical ways.


Consider the following.

When addicts engage in addictive behaviors, they seek to change the perception of their environment.

As the alcoholic Inspector Morse says, once he had consumed his single moths, the world looks a happier place.

Drugs make things look very colored, brighter, more hopeful, and fun-filled.

In contrast, the narcissist consumes, addictively, narcissistic supply, not in order to change his external environment or his perception of his external environment, but in order to change his inner universe.

Narcissists care little about the world out there, except as an ensemble of potential and actual sources of narcissistic supply. They don't give a fig about the universe, other people, or the environment.

Narcissist's drug of choice, attention, is geared to sustain his grandiose fantasies and senses of omnipotence and omniscience.

In other words, his addiction, the narcissist's addiction, is aimed at an internal process. It is aimed at regulating his sense of self-worth by consuming narcissistic supply.

Classical addiction, the drugs, alcohol, gambling, or other compulsive behaviors, classical addiction provides the addict with an exoskeleton, an external skeleton, boundaries, rituals, timetables, in order, in an otherwise chaotically disintegrating universe.

But it's not the same for the narcissist.

Admittedly, like the addict's search for gratification, the narcissist's pursuit of narcissistic supply is frenetic, compulsive, and ever-present.

Yet, unlike the addict's behavior, the narcissist's conduct is not structured, rigid, or ritualistic. On the very contrary, it is flexible. It's very inventive and creative.

Narcissism, in other words, is an adaptive behavior, albeit one that has outlived its usefulness.

Addiction is merely self-destructive and has no adaptive value or risen or redeeming features.

Finally, at heart, all addicts are self-destructive, self-defeating, self-loathing, and even suicidal. In other words, addicts are predominantly masochists.

Narcissists, in contrast, are sadists and paranoid. They lapse into masochism only when their narcissistic supply runs hopelessly dry.

The narcissist's masochism is aimed at restoring his sense of moral superiority as a self-sacrificial victim and to prod him into a renewed effort to reassert himself and hunt for new sources of narcissistic supply.

The addict's masochism is aimed at the self-destruction of the addict.

Thus, while the addict's brand of masochism is nihilistic and suicidal, the narcissist's masochism is about self-preservation and about prodding him into further attempts and efforts to obtain narcissistic supply.

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Doormat Covert Narcissist Turns Primary Psychopath

Covert narcissists can transform into primary psychopaths or, less frequently, classic narcissists when faced with stress, humiliation, or rejection, due to their inability to extract narcissistic supply from their environment. They often experience life as a series of losses and may adopt a people-pleasing persona or become passive-aggressive, leading to a cycle of abuse and dysfunction in their relationships. When covert narcissists attempt to assert themselves, they may imitate primary psychopaths, creating fictional identities to navigate their interactions, but ultimately remain disconnected from their true selves. This disconnection results in a lack of genuine relationships, as others interact with the false personas rather than the covert narcissist's authentic self.


Your Empathy as Narcissistic Injury: Narcissist Never Learns, No Insight

Narcissists reject empathy and intimacy because it challenges their grandiosity, and they become paranoid and aggressive when someone tries to be intimate with them. Narcissists lack empathy and access to positive emotions, leading to a truncated version of empathy called "cold empathy." Narcissists are self-aware but lack the incentive to get rid of their narcissism, and therapy is more focused on accommodating the needs of the narcissist's nearest and dearest. Cold Therapy is experimental and limited, as it removes the false self but does not develop empathy or improve the narcissist's interpersonal relationships.


Addict Narcissists: Substance Abuse and Reckless Behaviors

Pathological narcissism is an addiction to narcissistic supply, which is the narcissist's drug of choice. Other addictive and reckless behaviors such as war-camelism, alcoholism, drug abuse, pathological gambling, compulsory shopping, reckless driving, and even compulsive lying, piggyback on this primary dependence on narcissistic supply. The narcissist's addictive behaviors take his mind off his inherent limitations and bridge the gap between his unrealistic expectations of life and his inflated self-image. There is no point in treating the dependence and recklessness of the narcissist without first treating the underlying personality disorder.


Narcissist's Cycles of Ups and Downs

Narcissists experience cyclical phases of euphoria and dysphoria, characterized by alternating periods of hyperactivity and lethargy, driven by external triggers rather than internal biochemical changes. These cycles, which differ from bipolar disorder, are influenced by the availability of narcissistic supply, leading to manic episodes filled with creativity and social engagement, followed by depressive phases marked by withdrawal and despair. To manage these fluctuations, narcissists engage in a process of hibernation to regenerate energy and strategize for acquiring narcissistic supply, often relying on secondary sources for validation during low periods. Ultimately, the narcissist's life is a tumultuous journey between these mini-cycles, reflecting their dependence on external validation and the instability of their self-esteem.


Narcissist: Is He or Isn't He?

Narcissism is a spectrum of behaviors, from healthy to pathological, and the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual specifies nine diagnostic criteria for narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). A malignant narcissist is someone who has NPD and wreaks havoc on themselves and their surroundings. They feel grandiose and self-important, exaggerate accomplishments, and demand recognition as superior without commensurate achievements. They require excessive admiration, adulation, attention, and affirmation, and are interpersonally exploitative, devoid of empathy, and constantly envious of others.


Collapsed Covert Narcissist: Dissonances, Indifference, No Boundaries

All narcissists oscillate between overt and covert states, with no type constancy, reacting to life circumstances and narcissistic injuries. The concept of a "collapsed covert narcissist" is introduced, where classic narcissists can temporarily adopt covert traits, leading to a complex interplay of behaviors and emotional states. This dynamic is further complicated by the narcissist's delusionality and cognitive dissonance, which distorts their perception of relationships and self-worth. Ultimately, it is rational for individuals to prefer relationships with strangers over known narcissists, as the latter guarantees emotional abuse and instability.


Narcissist Never Sorry

Narcissists may occasionally feel bad and experience depressive episodes, but they have a diminished capacity for empathy and rarely feel genuine remorse for their actions. They often project their own insecurities onto others, viewing themselves as victims rather than acknowledging the pain they cause. While they may experience fleeting moments of regret when faced with significant crises, this is typically short-lived, as they quickly revert to their grandiose self-image and resume their predatory behavior. Ultimately, narcissists prioritize their own needs and desires, objectifying those around them without true reflection on their impact.


Narcissism as Addiction (ICABS 2019: International Conference on Addiction and Behavioral Science)

Narcissistic disorders can be reframed as a form of addiction, specifically an addiction to narcissistic supply, which includes attention and admiration. This dependence on narcissistic supply leads to reckless behaviors and other addictions, as the narcissist seeks to sustain their grandiose self-image and avoid the mundane realities of life. Unlike traditional addicts, who may have structured and ritualistic behaviors, narcissists exhibit a more flexible and inventive pursuit of their supply, often rationalizing their actions as part of their grand narrative. Ultimately, while both narcissists and addicts engage in self-destructive behaviors, the motivations and psychological underpinnings differ, with narcissists primarily seeking to regulate their self-worth through external validation.


Borderline Mislabels Her Emotions (as do Narcissist, Psychopath)

Empathy is inversely related to the ability to recognize emotions in others, meaning that as empathy increases, the capacity to accurately read others' emotions decreases. Individuals with cluster B personality disorders, such as narcissists and borderlines, possess distorted forms of empathy that hinder their emotional understanding and labeling, leading to significant cognitive and emotional deficits. These individuals often mislabel their emotions, rely on dysfunctional coping mechanisms, and experience emotional dysregulation, resulting in inappropriate affect and a lack of genuine emotional connection. Ultimately, their emotional experiences are characterized by a cognitive analysis rather than true emotive engagement, leaving them disconnected from the richness of human emotional experience.


Alcohol+Covert Narcissist=Antisocial Grandiose Narcissist

Covert narcissists often use alcohol as a means to transform their self-perception from feelings of inadequacy to a grandiose sense of self, shedding their modesty and inhibitions. Alcohol alters their empathy, making them less caring towards loved ones while enhancing their connection with strangers, leading to reckless behaviors and impulsive decisions. This disinhibition can result in a dangerous shift towards psychopathic traits, as the alcohol amplifies their latent narcissism and aggression. Ultimately, the cycle of drinking leads to feelings of guilt and shame once sober, reinforcing their self-loathing and dependence on alcohol to escape their emotional turmoil.

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