Narcissists Hate Women, Misogynists

Uploaded 2/2/2011, approx. 7 minute read

My name is Sam Vaknin. I am the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited.

Do narcissists hate women? Are they misogynistic? Women are sources of narcissistic supply, which the narcissist craves, but they are also sources and founds of intimacy, which the narcissist fears and whores.

Narcissists are addicted to a drug called narcissistic supply. Primary narcissistic supply is any kind of narcissistic supply provided by people who are not meaningful or significant others. Adulation, attention, affirmation, fame, notoriety, and even sexual conquests are all forms of primary narcissistic supply. They emanate from people who are casual and occasional in the narcissist's life.

Secondary narcissistic supply comes from people who are in repetitive or continuous touch with the narcissist, such as his spouse or his lover or even his colleagues at work. Secondary narcissistic supply includes the important roles and functions of narcissistic accumulation, which means remembering and witnessing the narcissist's moments of glory and narcissistic regulation, which is reminding the narcissist of these moments of glory when he is running low on narcissistic supply.

Narcissists therefore need women to carry out both these functions. They are dependent on women to some extent.

But narcissists also are bored and dread getting emotionally intimate. Sex is perceived as the ultimate form of intimacy. Hence, narcissists try to avoid sex altogether or to transform it into an impersonal act.

Cerebral narcissists regard sex as a maintenance chore, something they have to do in order to keep their source of narcissistic supply content and around.

The somatic narcissist, on the other hand, treats women as objects and sex as a means to obtaining narcissistic supply.

Thus, the narcissist's frame of mind is reminiscent of that of the European male well into the 18th century. Women and children are perceived to be property, chateau. Their role is the unconditional and fronts gratification of the narcissist.

Moreover, many narcissists tend to frustrate women. They refrain from having sex with them. They tease them and then leave them, resist flirtatious and seductive behaviors and so on. Often they invoke the existence of a girlfriend, a fiancé or a spouse as their reason why they cannot have sex or intimacy or develop a relationship.

But this is not out of loyalty or fidelity in the empathic or the loving sense. This is because the narcissist's wishes often succeeds to statistically frustrate the interested party.

But all this pertains only to cerebral narcissists, not to somatic narcissists and not to histrionics, people with histrionic personality disorder.

These, the somatic and histrionic, use their bodies, their sexuality, their and techniques of seduction and freely flirtation to extract narcissistic supply from others via sexual conquest.

Otherwise cerebral narcissists are not interested in women and somatic narcissists are, but only in this limited sense.

Narcissists are misogynists. They team up with women who serve as sources of narcissistic supply.

Women's chores are to accumulate past narcissistic supply by witnessing the narcissist's moments of glory and release this information, this witnessing in an orderly manner in order to regulate the fluctuating flow of primary supply and compensate in times of deficient supply.

Most of the narcissists, especially the cerebral ones, are actually asexual. They desire sex very rarely, if at all, they're hypersexual.

Narcissists hold women in contempt and abhor the fault of being really intimate with them. Usually they choose partners who are submissive women whom they disdain for being well below their intellectual level. This kind of choice, self-defeating and even self-destructive choice, leads to a vicious circle, a vicious cycle of neediness and self-content.

The inner dialogue of the narcissist is, I need this woman to provide me with narcissistic supply, but how come I'm dependent on this inferior creature and hence the abuse? The narcissist reasserts control and his superiority and his omnipotence by abusing his spouse or his lover.

When primary narcissistic supply is available, the woman is hardly tolerated.

As one would reluctantly pay the premium of an insurance policy, the narcissist maintains the relationship.

Narcissists of all stripes regard the subjugation of an attractive woman to be a source of narcissistic supply.

Both the rebels and somatics like to subjugate women. Such conquests are status symbols, proofs of virility, and they allow the narcissist to engage in vicarious narcissistic behaviors, to express his narcissism through the conquered woman, to transform these women into instruments at the service of his narcissism, into his extensions.

This is done by employing defense mechanisms such as projective identification, which we discuss in other videos.

The narcissist believes that being in love is actually merely going through the motions.

To him, emotions are mimicry and pretense. He does not believe that anyone has true feelings. He believes that people are acting.

Narcissist says, I am a conscious misogynist. I fear and loathe women and tend to ignore them to the best of my ability.

To me, women are mixtures of hunters and parasites. Most male narcissists are indeed misogynists. They hate women. After all, they are the world creations of women. Women gave birth to them, and women molded them into what they are. Dysfunctional, maladaptive, and emotionally dead.

Narcissists are angry at their mothers. By extension, they rage and abuse old women.

Narcissist attitude to women is naturally complex and multi-layered.

But if you can be described using four axes, a woman is either a holy or poor, a hunter-parasite, a frustrating object of desire, or a unique creation.

Narcissist divides old women into saints and whores.

He finds it difficult to have sex, which is dirty, forbidden, punishable, and degrading, with feminine significant others such as spouse or intimate girlfriend.

To him, sex and intimacy are mutually exclusive, rather than mutually expressive and mutually enhancing propositions. Sex is, as far as a narcissist is concerned, is reserved to whores.

In other words, all the other women in his world, not the significant ones, not his spouse, not his mother, not his girlfriend.

This division between saints and whores results in narcissist cognitive dissonance.

I want her. I don't need her. I want her. I don't want her. These inner conflicts are resolved by saying, I don't need her. She is inferior. I want her because she is a kind of object of gratification.

This division also legitimizes the narcissist's sadistic urges.

Staining from sex is a major and recurrent narcissistic penalty inflicted on female transgressors. It tallies well with the frequent idealization evaluation cycles the narcissist goes through.

The idealized females in the eyes of the narcissist are sexless. The devalued females are deserving of their degradation via sex, and they are deserving of the contempt that is attendant to sex.

The narcissist believes firmly that women are out to hunt men by genetic predisposition. As a result, the narcissist feels threatened as any prey would.

This, of course, is an intellectualization of the real state of affairs. The narcissist feels threatened by women and tries to justify this irrational fear by imbuing women with objective menacing qualities as huntresses.

Well, this is just one small deal. The narcissist pathologizes others generally, not only women, in order to control them.

The narcissist believes that once their prey is secure, women assume the role of body snatchers. They are scorned with a maze of sperm. They generate an endless stream of demanding and nose dripping children. They financially bleed the men in their lives to cater to their needs and to the needs of their dependents, who differently, women are parasites, leeches whose sole function is to suck dry every man they find and tarantula like decapitate him once no longer useful.

Is this a reflection of the narcissist's behavior or what?

Yes, true. The narcissist projects his own modes of behavior, his own traits onto women. This, of course, is exactly what the narcissist does to people.

Thus, his view of women is near an absolute projection.

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Narcissist's Romantic Jealousy and Possessiveness

Narcissists experience anxiety when they become aware of their possessive and jealous tendencies. Anxiety characterizes all their interactions with the opposite sex, especially in situations where there is a possibility of rejection or abandonment. The narcissist's envy of their female mate is a result of an unconscious conflict, and they exercise their imagination to justify their negative emotions. Narcissists often strike an unhealthy balance by being emotionally and physically absent, which drives their partner to find emotional and physical gratification outside the relationship.

Can Narcissist Truly Love?

Narcissists are incapable of true love, but they do experience some emotion which they insist is love. Narcissists love their significant others as long as they continue to provide them with attention, or narcissistic supply. There are two types of narcissistic love: one type loves others as one would get attached to objects, while the other type abhors monotony and constancy, seeking instability, chaos, upheaval, drama, and change. In the narcissist's world, mature love is nowhere to be seen, and their so-called love is fear of losing control and hatred of the very people on whom their personality depends.

Narcissist Frustrates Women with Ostentatious Fidelity

Narcissists, particularly cerebral narcissists, often frustrate women who are attracted to them by withholding sex or teasing them. This is because they are misogynists who hold women in contempt and fear them. They divide women into saints and whores, and view sex and intimacy as mutually exclusive. The narcissist's frustrating behavior serves to secure a narcissistic supply and reenact unresolved conflicts with their mother. They pathologize women to control them and project their own parasitic behavior onto them.

Narcissist Re-idealizes Discarded Sources of Narcissistic Supply

Narcissists keep discarded sources of supply in reserve and seek them out when they have no other supply source. They frantically try to recycle their old sources and re-idealize them without admitting to having been mistaken in the first place. To preserve their grandiosity, they come up with a narrative that accommodates both the devaluing content and the re-idealized image of the source. If you are an old source of narcissistic supply, simply ignore the narcissist as indifference is what they cannot stand.

Narcissist: Women as Sluttish Huntresses or Sexless Saints

Heterosexual narcissists desire women but are frustrated by their inability to interact with them meaningfully. They hate women virulently, passionately, and uncompromisingly, and their hate is primal, irrational, and the progeny of mortal fear and sustained abuse in early childhood. Narcissists are infinitely pessimistic, bare-tempered, paranoid, and sadistic, and their daily routine is a rigmarole of threats, complaints, hurts, eruptions, moodiness, and rage. They are their own worst enemy and cannot conceive of life in one place with one set of people, doing the same thing in the same field with one goal within a decades-old game plan or career path or relationship.

Narcissist's Objects and Possessions

Narcissists have a complex relationship with objects and possessions, with some being accumulators who jealously guard their belongings and others being discarders who give away their possessions to sustain their sense of control. Objects provide emotional decor and elicit narcissistic supply, and the narcissist often compares people to the inanimate. Narcissists collect proofs and trophies of their sexual prowess, dramatic talent, past wealth, or intellectual achievements, and these objects operate through the mechanism of narcissistic branding. The narcissist is a pathogen who transforms his human and non-human environment alike, objectifying people and anthropomorphizing objects to optimize or maximize narcissistic supply.

Narcissist's Dead Libido (ENGLISH responses)

Narcissists have no libido, as they are non-beings with no life force. The libido is a force of life, and while Freud initially had a negative view of it, Jung saw it as a positive force for creativity and inventiveness. Narcissists objectify people and see them as part of a supply chain, with no interest in the source beyond what they can extract from it. Their relationships with significant others are transactional, and their children are seen as future sources of supply rather than expressions of life.

Inanimate Objects as Sources of Narcissistic Supply

Narcissists can find inanimate objects as sources of narcissistic supply, as long as they have the potential to attract attention and admiration. Narcissists often use objects as status symbols, which can elicit admiration, envy, and aspiration from others. However, narcissists can also become attached to objects and memorabilia, which can provide emotional support and remind them of their past glories and potential future grandeur. Narcissists can objectify people and anthropomorphize objects to derive maximum narcissistic supply from both, leading to a shared psychosis and cult-like behavior among those closest to them.

Breaking Through the Narcissist's Indifference by Becoming a Psychop

Narcissists have three essential demands from their partner: sex, supply, and services. If the partner provides any two of these three, the narcissist is pacified and ignores her. The partner needs to escalate, dramatize, and render herself unpredictable to attract the narcissist's attention. As our civilization becomes more narcissistic, both men and women adopt and emulate grandiose psychopathic men as role models, gurus, and guiding lights. The situation is so bad that many people are choosing simply to stay alone, to remain single in the fullest sense of the word.

Narcissist's Certain Losses

Narcissists are obsessed with securing sources of supply, but once they have them, they lose interest and take them for granted. Many sources of supply eventually break free from the narcissist's grip, causing the narcissist to feel abandoned and lose control. However, when the loss is tangible, the narcissist regains his former zeal and embarks on a charm offensive to reacquire what was lost. Once the targets are reacquired, the narcissist reverts to his abusive and indifferent behavior until another round of losses and reanimation.

Transcripts Copyright © Sam Vaknin 2010-2024, under license to William DeGraaf
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