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Solitude is a Rational Choice

Uploaded 12/30/2013, approx. 3 minute read

My name is Sam Vaknin, and I am the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited.

Schizoids, people diagnosed with schizoid personality disorder, tend to avoid meaningful relationships from sex to romance to workplace relations. They do not derive any emotional benefits from associating with people. Few bred schizoids shrug off their disorder.

They claim that they simply do not like being around people. They resent the pathologizing of their lifestyle choice to remain aloof and alone. They consider the diagnosis of schizoid personality disorder to be spurious, a mere reflection of current sociocultural worries, and a culture-bound artifact.

Narcissists, as usual, tend to rationalize and aggrandize their schizoid conduct. They propound the idea that being alone is the only logical choice in today's hostile, anomic and atomized world.

The concept of individual sadist narcissists exists only in the human species. Animals flock together, or they operate in colonies or herds. Each member of these aggregates is an extension of the organic whole.

In contra-distinction, people band and socialize only for purposes of a goal-oriented cooperation or the seeking of emotional rewards, solace, succor, love, support, etc.

Yet in contemporary civilization, the accomplishment of most goals is outsourced to impersonal collectives, such as a state or large corporations. Everything from food production to distribution to education is now relegated to faceless, anonymous entities which require little or no social interaction.

Additionally, new technologies empower the individual and render him or her self-sufficient, profoundly independent of others. As they have grown in complexity and in expectations fed by the mass media, relationships have mutated to being emotionally unrewarding and narcissistically injurious to the point of becoming a perpetual fount of pain and unease.

More formalized social interactions present a substantial financial and emotional risk.

Close to half of all marriages, for instance, end in a divorce, inflicting enormous pecuniary damage and emotional deprivation on the parties involved.

The prevailing efforts of gender wars, as reflected in the evolving legal milieu, further serves to deter any residual predilection and propensity to team up and bond.

And this is a vicious circle. It is a vicious circle that is difficult to break.

Traumatized by past encounters and liaisons, people tend to avoid future ones.

Deeply wounded, they are rendered less tolerant, more hypervigilant, more defensive and more aggressive.

Trues which both yield for their capacity to initiate, sustain and maintain relationships.

The breakdown and dysfunction of social structures and institutions, communities and social units is masked by technologies which provide very similar truths and confabulations.

We all gravitate towards the delusional and fantastic universe of our own making, as we find the real one too hurtful to endure.

Modern life is so taxing and onerous and so decreased the individual scarce resources that little is left to accommodate the needs of social intercourse.

People's energy, funds and work within, are stretched to the breaking point by the often conflicting demands of near survival in post-industrial societies.

Furthermore, the sublimation of instinctual urges to peer the libido, associate, mingle and fraternize, is both encouraged and rewarded in today's society.

Substitutes exist for all social functions, including sex, pornography and childbearing single parental.

And so this substitute renders social institutions obsolete and superfluous and socially give and take, awkward and inefficient.

The individual need has emerged as the organizing principle in human affairs, supplanting the collective.

The idolatry of the individual inexorably and ineluctably results in the malignant forms of narcissism that are so prevalent, indeed all pervasive, wherever we direct our gaze.

It is a sorry sight and a poor prognosis for us as a species.

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The “Lone Wolf” Narcissist and His Prey

Narcissists require constant validation and attention, and their sense of entitlement clashes with their dependence on others for self-worth. Lone wolf narcissists who withdraw from society can become dangerous due to their unquenched hunger for narcissistic supply. Schizoids, on the other hand, are indifferent to social relationships and have a limited range of emotions and affect. Psychopaths lack empathy and disregard others as instruments of gratification, and they are often criminals. When narcissism, schizoid disorder, and psychopathy converge, it can result in extremely dangerous individuals.


Hermit: Schizoid Personality Disorder

Schizoids are individuals with a personality disorder who are indifferent to social relationships and have a limited range of emotions and affect. They are incapable of intimacy and rarely express feelings. Schizoids are loners who prefer solitary activities and are inflexible in their reactions to changing life circumstances. They are creatures of habit and frequently succumb to rigid routines and schedules.


Narcissist's Cycles of Ups and Downs

Narcissists go through cycles of mania and depression, which are caused by external events or circumstances known as triggers. The cycles are different from manic depressive cycles in bipolar disorder, which are endogenous. The narcissist is addicted to narcissistic supply and seeks admiration, adoration, approval, attention, and so on. The narcissist goes through ups and downs, including a depressive phase, a hibernation phase, and a manic phase, which are all part of the process of obtaining and securing narcissistic supply.


Your Empathy as Narcissistic Injury: Narcissist Never Learns, No Insight

Narcissists reject empathy and intimacy because it challenges their grandiosity, and they become paranoid and aggressive when someone tries to be intimate with them. Narcissists lack empathy and access to positive emotions, leading to a truncated version of empathy called "cold empathy." Narcissists are self-aware but lack the incentive to get rid of their narcissism, and therapy is more focused on accommodating the needs of the narcissist's nearest and dearest. Cold Therapy is experimental and limited, as it removes the false self but does not develop empathy or improve the narcissist's interpersonal relationships.


Narcissist: Socially-anxious, Schizoid

Schizoid personality disorder is characterized by a lack of interest in social relationships and interactions, limited emotional expression, and a preference for solitary activities. Schizoids are often described as robotic and uninterested in social bonding. While there are similarities between schizoid and narcissistic personality disorders, the two are distinct in that schizoids are uninterested in bonding, while narcissists are both uninterested and incapable due to their lack of empathy and grandiosity. Narcissism is not about self-love, but rather a broken ego or self that withdraws from society to protect itself.


So, Is My Narcissist a Covert Narcissist? Nonsense vs. Scholarship

Covert narcissists are individuals who suffer from an in-depth sense of inferiority, have a marked propensity towards feeling ashamed, and are shy and fragile. They are unable to genuinely depend on others or trust them, suffer from chronic envy of others, and have a lack of regard for generational boundaries. Covert narcissists are not goal-orientated, have shallow vocational commitment, and are forgetful of details, especially names. Inverted narcissists are a subspecies of covert narcissism and are self-centered, sensitive, vulnerable, and defensive, sometimes hostile and paranoid.


Lonely World, Schizoid Future (and Sex)

The schizoid core, characterized by a lack of identity and a void, is at the foundation of personality and character pathologies. Society is gravitating towards a schizoid solution, with people preferring solitude and avoiding interactions with others. The schizoid world is becoming more narcissistic, psychopathic, and autoerotic, with sex being the last remaining vestige of human contact. The future will be a society in flux, with ad hoc self-assembling networks and no concept of institutions, intimate relationships, or politics.


Old-age Narcissist

Narcissists age without grace, unable to accept their fallibility and mortality. They suffer from mental progeria, aging prematurely and finding themselves in a time warp. The longer they live, the more average they become, and the wider the gulf between their pretensions and accomplishments. Few narcissists save for rainy days, and those who succeed in their vocation end up bitterly alone, having squandered the love of family, offspring, and mates.


Idealized, Devalued, Dumped

Narcissists have a cycle of overvaluation and devaluation, which is more prevalent in borderline personality disorder than in narcissistic personality disorder. The cycle reflects the need to be protected against the whims, needs, and choices of other people, shielded from the hurt that they can inflict on the narcissist. The overvaluation and devaluation mechanism is the most efficient one available to the narcissist, as the narcissist's personality is precariously balanced and requires inordinate amounts of energy to maintain. The narcissist's energies are all focused and dedicated to the task concentrated upon the source of supply he had identified.


Narcissist Hates Happy People and Holidays

Holidays and birthdays are a difficult time for narcissists, as they provoke a stream of pathological envy. The narcissist is jealous of others for having a family, being able to celebrate lavishly, or being in the right mood. They hate humans because they are unable to be one and want to spoil it for those who can enjoy. Holidays remind the narcissist of their childhood, the supportive and loving family they never had, and what could have been.

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