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Solitude is a Rational Choice

Uploaded 12/30/2013, approx. 3 minute read

My name is Sam Vaknin, and I am the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited.

Schizoids, people diagnosed with schizoid personality disorder, tend to avoid meaningful relationships from sex to romance to workplace relations. They do not derive any emotional benefits from associating with people. Few bred schizoids shrug off their disorder.

They claim that they simply do not like being around people. They resent the pathologizing of their lifestyle choice to remain aloof and alone. They consider the diagnosis of schizoid personality disorder to be spurious, a mere reflection of current sociocultural worries, and a culture-bound artifact.

Narcissists, as usual, tend to rationalize and aggrandize their schizoid conduct. They propound the idea that being alone is the only logical choice in today's hostile, anomic and atomized world.

The concept of individual sadist narcissists exists only in the human species. Animals flock together, or they operate in colonies or herds. Each member of these aggregates is an extension of the organic whole.

In contra-distinction, people band and socialize only for purposes of a goal-oriented cooperation or the seeking of emotional rewards, solace, succor, love, support, etc.

Yet in contemporary civilization, the accomplishment of most goals is outsourced to impersonal collectives, such as a state or large corporations. Everything from food production to distribution to education is now relegated to faceless, anonymous entities which require little or no social interaction.

Additionally, new technologies empower the individual and render him or her self-sufficient, profoundly independent of others. As they have grown in complexity and in expectations fed by the mass media, relationships have mutated to being emotionally unrewarding and narcissistically injurious to the point of becoming a perpetual fount of pain and unease.

More formalized social interactions present a substantial financial and emotional risk.

Close to half of all marriages, for instance, end in a divorce, inflicting enormous pecuniary damage and emotional deprivation on the parties involved.

The prevailing efforts of gender wars, as reflected in the evolving legal milieu, further serves to deter any residual predilection and propensity to team up and bond.

And this is a vicious circle. It is a vicious circle that is difficult to break.

Traumatized by past encounters and liaisons, people tend to avoid future ones.

Deeply wounded, they are rendered less tolerant, more hypervigilant, more defensive and more aggressive.

Trues which both yield for their capacity to initiate, sustain and maintain relationships.

The breakdown and dysfunction of social structures and institutions, communities and social units is masked by technologies which provide very similar truths and confabulations.

We all gravitate towards the delusional and fantastic universe of our own making, as we find the real one too hurtful to endure.

Modern life is so taxing and onerous and so decreased the individual scarce resources that little is left to accommodate the needs of social intercourse.

People's energy, funds and work within, are stretched to the breaking point by the often conflicting demands of near survival in post-industrial societies.

Furthermore, the sublimation of instinctual urges to peer the libido, associate, mingle and fraternize, is both encouraged and rewarded in today's society.

Substitutes exist for all social functions, including sex, pornography and childbearing single parental.

And so this substitute renders social institutions obsolete and superfluous and socially give and take, awkward and inefficient.

The individual need has emerged as the organizing principle in human affairs, supplanting the collective.

The idolatry of the individual inexorably and ineluctably results in the malignant forms of narcissism that are so prevalent, indeed all pervasive, wherever we direct our gaze.

It is a sorry sight and a poor prognosis for us as a species.

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Narcissist: Socially-anxious, Schizoid

Schizoid personality disorder is characterized by a lack of interest in social relationships and interactions, limited emotional expression, and a preference for solitary activities. Schizoids are often described as robotic and uninterested in social bonding. While there are similarities between schizoid and narcissistic personality disorders, the two are distinct in that schizoids are uninterested in bonding, while narcissists are both uninterested and incapable due to their lack of empathy and grandiosity. Narcissism is not about self-love, but rather a broken ego or self that withdraws from society to protect itself.


Borderline Codependent: Clinging Child, Punitive Parent

Codependency in parents can lead to children who only receive conditional love based on their performance. This can result in a child who is objectified and treated as an extension of the parent. The child learns that to obtain affection, they must perform, leading to a lack of self-love. This can result in a psychopath, passive-aggressive personality disorder, masochistic adult, or an adult with depressive disorders. Codependents often experience extreme abandonment anxiety and swing between self-effacing and explosive behaviors due to divided loyalties between their partner and internalized parent.


Hermit: Schizoid Personality Disorder

Schizoids are individuals with a personality disorder who are indifferent to social relationships and have a limited range of emotions and affect. They are incapable of intimacy and rarely express feelings. Schizoids are loners who prefer solitary activities and are inflexible in their reactions to changing life circumstances. They are creatures of habit and frequently succumb to rigid routines and schedules.


Schizoid Personality and Schizoid Narcissism Bible (Compilation)

The schizoid personality is characterized by a preference for solitude, a lack of interest in social relationships, and a limited range of emotions. Schizoids are often perceived as aloof, indifferent, and uninterested in both sexual and social interactions. They are typically self-contained and may be seen as emotionally cold or flat. While some individuals may choose a schizoid lifestyle as a rational response to modern society's demands, for others, it may be a manifestation of a pathological condition. The schizoid personality should not be confused with narcissism, although both may share certain features, such as disrupted object relations. However, the schizoid recognizes the externality of objects but has difficulty emotionally investing in them, while the narcissist does not perceive objects as external and instead forms relationships with internal objects. Schizoid behavior can be reactive and is sometimes misdiagnosed as narcissism. The schizoid's detachment can be misconstrued as a cry for help or a sign of helplessness, and their self-sufficiency can be misinterpreted as strength. Relationships with schizoids can be challenging due to their asexuality and emotional detachment.


Codependency State Of Mind, Not State Of Affairs

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the relationship between narcissists and their intimate partners, explaining that narcissists only need their partners to provide them with sex, supply, sadistic and narcissistic services. He also clarifies the terms codependent, counterdependent, and independent and discusses dependent personality disorder. The pathogenesis of co-dependency is brought about by parents who teach their children to expect only conditional transactional love, leading to the child feeling rage and anger at the unjust mistreatment. To overcome codependency, one should realize that the world never ends when relationships do, analyze their addiction, make a plan of action, and seek social support.


Separating-Individuating From Borderline Partner

Separating and individuating from a borderline partner is different from doing so from a narcissistic partner. The borderline partner outsources their mind to their intimate partner and expects them to regulate their emotions, moods, and stabilize them. The borderline partner regards their intimate partner as both a godlike figure and an abuser, leading to ambivalence and hate-love feelings. To separate from a borderline partner, one needs to silence their voice in their mind, reclaim their authentic voice, and help the borderline partner discover their authentic self. The process involves owning up to one's contributions to the relationship, refusing to collaborate in the borderline's shared fantasy, and helping the borderline partner to love themselves, become agentic, and choose life.


Psychopath? 5 Red Flags and 3 Rs Test: Remorse, Remediation, and Restoration

Psychopaths are too good to be true and exhibit information asymmetry. They have alloplastic defenses and an external locus of control. Psychopathy can be a defense against anxiety, and narcissism can develop late in life. To determine if someone's narcissism and psychopathy are an integral feature of their personality, apply the test of three R's: remorse, remediation, and restoration. True narcissists and psychopaths fail the three R's test at every turn.


Masochistic Personality Disorder (Masochism)

Masochists have been taught to hate themselves and consider themselves unworthy of love, leading to self-destructive behaviors. They avoid pleasurable experiences and seek suffering, pain, and hurt in relationships. They reject help and render attempts to assist futile. Masochists tend to choose people and circumstances that lead to failure and avoid those that result in success or gratification. They adopt unrealistic goals and generate underachievements, leading to rage, depression, and guilt.


3 Phases of Borderline’s Rollercoaster

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the regulatory cycle of the borderline personality disorder. The borderline seeks an intimate partner to provide her with a sense of inner peace, stability, and safety. The intimate partner becomes an extension of the borderline's inner turmoil, and the borderline creates a shared fantasy with the partner. The cycle has three phases: shared fantasy, disillusionment, and transactional regulatory valley. The cycle is inevitable and ineluctable, and the borderline will try to recreate a shared fantasy with the partner or an ex-partner or become sexually self-trashing.


Your Empathy as Narcissistic Injury: Narcissist Never Learns, No Insight

Narcissists reject empathy and intimacy because it challenges their grandiosity, and they become paranoid and aggressive when someone tries to be intimate with them. Narcissists lack empathy and access to positive emotions, leading to a truncated version of empathy called "cold empathy." Narcissists are self-aware but lack the incentive to get rid of their narcissism, and therapy is more focused on accommodating the needs of the narcissist's nearest and dearest. Cold Therapy is experimental and limited, as it removes the false self but does not develop empathy or improve the narcissist's interpersonal relationships.

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