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Choose Intimacy, not Self-sufficiency: Response to Angry Women

Uploaded 12/21/2021, approx. 29 minute read

A few minutes into this video, I will start responding to letters from angry women, letters brought to me by email, direct messaging, and, on a few occasions, carrier pigeons.

Here's the thing. I don't think the way women and men comport themselves nowadays is the only possible option, nor do I think it's optimal. And I'm not alone. The overwhelming vast majority of experts, scientists, psychologists who study gender relations think that something had seriously gone awry.

If you say that men and women are not getting along, you're not a misogynist, you're not a misandrist, you're a scientist, or, as a minimum, a qualified observer because things are really bad.

Lisa Wade in her book American Hookup, published in 2018, mentions an amazing phenomenon. Young women regard sex as the opposite of intimacy.

In other words, they have sex only with men they do not like. If they do not like the men, if they don't have emotions for the men, if the men means nothing to them, they have sex with him.

However, if they do have emotions for the men, if they consider the men as a potential intimate partner, if they regard the whole thing as meaningful, they abstain from sex. They refrain from sex.

They say that sex is the opposite of intimacy. You don't have sex with someone you love, you have sex with someone you intensely dislike so there is no risk of a relationship developing and no risk of catching feelings.

How sick is this? How absolutely pathological this is? And who can say that it is not pathological? Who in his right mind can say that having sex only with people you dislike and abstaining from sex with people you like, not having sex as a signifier and indicator of love, emotions and meaning in relationships? Who could say this is healthy? Who could say this is the way it should be? Anyone who says that is seriously effed up and yet quite a few feminist thinkers are saying exactly this.

I've come to view feminism, the current rendition at least, the current incarnation of feminism, mainly liberal feminism but a lot of literature in radical feminism. I've come to regard feminism as a cult then not thinking straight anymore and this has nothing to do with my attitude to women.

I happen actually to love women and cherish them and want the best for them. I grew up in a generation who respected women and regarded them as amazing magical treasure creatures and beings. We regarded women as full of potentialities, as the kind of people who can do things we can never do as men. We considered women to be our natural partners, our complementary beings.

So I don't come from a background of hating women, I come from a background of elevating women, of loving women, of wanting the best for women, yes including equality, equality of access, of healthcare, of education, of wages and all the freedoms, including the freedom to choose.

But I would never go as far as saying that the freedom to choose should extend to the freedom to choose to self-harm. No one should be free to self-harm.

I firmly believe this. If anyone says that freedom should include the ability to make a choice, to harm oneself, to mutilate oneself, to damage oneself, to destroy oneself and to defeat oneself, if anyone is saying this, then he is beyond the pale of current thinking in psychology. And, in my view, extremely unethical.

Here's the thing. The alternative to old-fashioned relationships is not necessarily self-sufficient loneliness. There are other options out there. It's true that not everyone is built to do full-scale intimacy and cohabitation. Not everyone is built to have a relationship.

But extremely few people are really happy all by themselves. Never mind howmuch they protest otherwise. They are not happy. And their protestations are in order to resolve their embittering cognitive dissonance. They are not happy with the way they live, but they are telling themselves that it is a choice. They are not happy with their sexual behavior and sex life, but they are telling themselves it's a sign of freedom and liberty.

In her book American Hookup, Liza Wade quotes the historian Stephanie Kuntz as Wade argues that never in the history of humanity have so many different ways of loving been allowed.

Example, long-distance relationships, LDR. In her essay, The World Historical Transformation of Marriage, Kuntz writes the following, almost any separate way of organizing caregiving, child rearing, residential arrangements, sexual interactions, or interpersonal redistribution of resources, almost any way, has been tried by some society at some point in time.

But the coexistence in one society of so many alternative ways of doing all these different things and the comparative legitimacy, according to many of these ways, has never been seen before.

We are living in a permissive, liberal, free, progressive society. Everyone and anyone can make choices, and these choices are considered largely legitimate if you don't harm others.

But we have come to a point where we are beginning to equate freedom with anarchy and anarchy with self-harm.

We see a confluence of self-harming behavior, for example, substance abuse and extreme, unbounded, dysregulated promiscuity. Something is gone awry. The paradigm is crashing in front of our eyes. Something is wrong and someone should ring the alarm bell and not be labeled a misogynist for doing so.

There's also a demographic issue. There are two periods in a Western woman's life when she is confronted with an overwhelming shortage of eligible men during college or university years and when she wants to transition from 15 years of casual sex or short-term liaisons to a long-term and committed intimate relationship. Usually this happens when she turns 30, so she goes through a period of, on average, 15 years of totally casual sex, usually drunk sex, short-term liaisons, pseudo-relationships, as they are called, and dating, modern dating, which is another name for hookups. And so then she turns 30 on average, 31.4 in the United Kingdom, 27.8 in the United States, an average of 30, and she suddenly wants to have a deep, long, meaningful, emotional relationship. And she doesn't know how. And sex gets in the way because it had come to be associated in her mind with meaninglessness and emotionlessness.

These imbalances in gender ratio or gender ratios, these imbalances disempower women. They are not enough men to go around. So women compete for these men by escalating sexual behavior. Women are reduced to object and unboundaried sex slavery is the only way to secure a mate.

Naturally, men leverage this despair. Naturally, men refuse to commit or to invest even as they extort and coerce no strings attached one-night stands from their reluctant dates.

Ultimately, about two-fifths of women remain lifelong singles according to Pew Center. These women have missed the love train by focusing on their cherished careers instead.

Inundated by much younger entries, older women find it increasingly difficult to compete for male attention until they finally succumb, give up, and opt for celibacy, Netflix, and pence, not necessarily in disorder.

And this is not misogyny. These are scientific facts documented in hundreds of studies. I refer you to my video on hookups where I go through a literature review, 91 recent studies.

The situation is really bad for women. The situation today is that women are the least empowered in all of human history. Women today are in much worse shape as far as their liberty, their dignity, their ability to choose than they had ever been.

And yet, faced with this reality, they lie to themselves, they deceive themselves, not least via feminist texts, that the situation had never been better, that they are empowered, that they are liberated and emancipated and stronger than ever. It's a joke. It's an absolute joke.

The rates of depression and anxiety and substance abuse among women have never ever been higher. And the rate of suicide is fast catching up, especially among young women. Why would young women commit suicide in such amazing numbers, in such unprecedented numbers? Why would women abuse alcohol the way they had never done before, four times more than they had ever done before?

Why the rates of depression and anxiety? Why about one-third to one-third of women are diagnosed with depression and anxiety nowadays? Because the framework they had constructed for themselves had proven to be self-defeating, counterproductive, self-destructive. They're left alone because they had rejected the alternative.

And the alternative is not old-fashioned patriarchy or slavery to men. Absolutely not. It should never ever happen again. The alternative is real empowerment. And the only real empowerment is and can happen in stable, loving, emotional, equal, reciprocated relationships. That's not hookups. That's not one-night stands. There's not reciprocity or equality or choice even in these sexual practices. That's not living alone. Living alone leads to bad places.

Women have to wake up to the fact that they have gone down the wrong alley, that there is a dead end, and they must reverse course before it's way too late for them. Men will survive. Men couldn't kill less. Men are in paradise. They're happy. They're happier than ever. They're more empowered than ever, actually, in many ways. Women are catching up. Women are catching up career-wise, education-wise, money-wise. Women are going to surpass men, as Hannah Rosen had observed long ago. Women are going to take over. It's going to be a matriarchy. The future world belongs to women.

But it's a barren, sterile, dead, unhappy world that they are inheriting and constructing for all of us.

Because many of us men, we also want love. We also want affection. We also want compassion. And we also desperately are looking for a partner.

Having dared to bridge the taboo topic of modern women and their conduct or misconduct, I have been inundated, deluged by a tsunami of denigrating, aggressive, demeaning and degrading messages from self-styled feminists.

I have nothing against feminism. Feminism, in its previous iterations, historical iterations, is commendable and laudable. It had helped women become equal to men, which is the way it should always have been. Equal in terms of access, healthcare, education, wages, power in society, in every which way.

I'm delighted to see the ascendance of women. And I'm a firm believer that women will do a hell of a lot better job than men had ever done. I'm looking forward to the age of matriarchy when women were rude.

So in this sense, I am the opposite of a misogynist. I love women and I anticipate their rises in society, as I really believe that men had botched it.

However, that doesn't mean that I should never, ever criticize women in aggregate and individually for their conduct. And it doesn't mean that if I do, I should be automatically labeled a reactionary, old-fashioned dinosaur misogynist.

Because I'm not. Well, with the exception of a dinosaur.


So allow me to read to you my responses to a few of the frothing and sieving missives that I had been buried under in the past few days.

In a dystopian reality, hope and trust I wrote to one of them, are indistinguishable from stupidity. In a world that is increasingly more narcissistic and psychopathic, intimacy is a nightmare. Vulnerability is a threat.

Relationships are often traps. So maybe the younger right after all, focus on your career, on your hobbies, in extremes, on your pets. Watch pornography.

And if you absolutely crave a warm body for whatever reason, hook up with total strangers and forget about them minutes later.

Is this the world we want to live in?

I know the answer for myself. It's not the world I want to live in.

But is this the world you want to live in?

I wrote to 30-odd-year-old feminist, self-styled feminist, who had written to me both in the comments and in a direct message. I wrote to her, my blood boils. My blood boils when I peruse some of the pseudo-intellectual trash meted out by the practitioners of the increasingly more dubious field of gender studies.

Consider, for example, the current dogma spawned by Hannah Rossin and supported by the studies of Elizabeth Armstrong and others. It says, hookups are a great thing for women because they let women focus on their careers rather than on men.

There are several problems with this moronic statement.

Number one, hookups are about men. They even involve men. The way most women describe them, hookups are a form of sexual slavery on men's terms and conditions and on men's turf.

Number two, women are not giving up on men in hookups. Women are giving up on intimacy, on investment, on commitment, on decor, on relationships, on warmth, on emotions. They're not giving up on men.

Number three, the sex in hookups sucks for the overwhelming majority of women, twice less so than for men.

We need to look very carefully and deconstruct many of these feminist so-called statements.

I would say that humanity's four monumental discoveries over the past 40 years are nothing to write home about.

Number one, relationships and intimacy are very hard work. They suck. They should be actively shunned and discouraged. I call it relationship aversion. That's discovery number one.

The young had also discovered that children are carbon-based, life-restricting mini-monsters best avoided and avoided they do.

Number two, curiosity and learning are for the feeble-minded.

Study the minimum to make the minimum amount of money required to survive minimally in your cocoon.

Number three, the joys of technologically empowered solitude far outweigh anything anyone can ever offer.

Casual drunk sex with total strangers and pornography can take care of one's unfortunate physiological urges.

These are the true tennis pillars of modern existence for the young, not any highfalutin and convoluted feminist theory. This is the world we had created for them with our academic contortions and acrobatics, intellectual pyrotechnics and acrobatics.

The frequency of casual sex among millennials and Z generation, this frequency is lower than among the baby boomers, my generation and among generation X. They have less sex than us, but there are some fundamental differences and they are pernicious and they're not good.

Number one, casual sex is now the normative practice. It's not one of many options. It's obligatory. Having fun is the imperative.

Number two, nowadays hookup sex leads to an intimate relationship or be it rarely, not the other way.

Number three, my generation. We had a lot of casual sex, myself included by the way, believe it or not. My generation put love, intimacy and couplehood over and above career.

Not so today's youth who remain single a decade longer and then they discover to their shock and horror that they are about to remain single for life.

Currently, stranger sex is used to establish a social ranking status within a reference peer group. It's a form of relative positioning like information in Wikipedia, like Facebook likes the same way a sense of self worth is acquired from a group narcissistic supply, quality control via Yelp, the potential partners attractiveness and suitability. They are now crowdsourced. Their opinions outweigh one's own opinion. People don't make independent judgements. They look to the group, the peer group or some other reference group to make these judgements for them.

This is well documented in Lisa Wade's seminal work.

With the borders between public and private, all but gun, for example, also known as social media, sex is increasingly becoming a public spectacle. It's technically all sex today is a form of dogging in parties, in group sex, in clubs, in bars, in restaurants. Everyone is making out with everyone in public and for public consumption, public consumption in order to establish a ranking.

Look how hot she is. The orthodoxy is that sexual orientation is inherent and immutable, but even this is not true any longer.

So when I get letters from feminists using gender pronouns in a very strict and rigid way, using sexual orientation as a proxy for identity and so on and so forth, I smile.

This is not what the science shows.

For example, inebriation, consumption of alcohol changes sexual orientation, which raises very interesting issue. Can all sexual orientations be merely socially determined scripts and roles? And if they are, what are the implications?

Because alcohol disinhibits us. It removes social edicts and strictures.

And so if it changes orientation, maybe it's a veneer.

But that's besides the point.

The issue is that feminism deals with utterly imaginary ideal constructs which have no place in reality.

Reality is much more fluid.

And so when I get letters from feminists, I get a distinct impression that I'm dealing with a cult.


Absolutely there's a feeling of a cult.

Last-a-day feminism, liberal feminism especially, but even more so in some ways radical feminism, these are ideological cults and it is confirmed by the demented responses that I've been receiving.

I would like to answer some of these attacks or attack vectors.

Number one, hookups are not rendering women equal to men. In awful months of casual sex, women are 10 times more likely than men to be sexually assaulted. They're half as likely to orgasm and they give way more oral sex than they receive.

Where's the equality here?

Number two, both men and women are unable to transition from the hookup culture to dating into intimate relationships.

There's a famous dating assignment. Look it up.

People, men and women, having graduated from the hookup culture, having adopted the view that they need emotions now, they need meaning, they endure a string of failed liaisons, failed relationships, and having been burned repeatedly, about half of these people end up being lifelong, largely celibate singles. At least one quarter of these people develop anxiety, depression, and substance abuse disorders.

Is this the outcome we're looking for?

Never mind how much feminism bends over backwards. If it is a theory that had yielded these outcomes, it should be outlawed. It should be criminalized.

Any social theory and any social movements that results in the mental illness of a quarter of a population, any theory which leads to perpetual recurring substance abuse, alcoholism, drug abuse, any such social movement or theory should be utterly and immediately criminalized.

And so ultimately, to avoid ineluctable hurt and heartbreak, the refugees of the hookup culture either opt for a life of drunken promiscuity, emotionless and meaningless sex, or total phobic obstinance and sex aversion.

Fallaciously, feminism casts these two dysfunctional behavior patterns in terms of female empowerment. If you are promiscuous, you're an empowered woman. Similarly, if you're celibate, you're an empowered woman.

There's no way, no, it's a win-win situation. There's no way to lose here. You're always an empowered woman.

Does this strike you a little as grandiosity?

Grandiosity is a cognitive distortion. It's when you divorce reality in order to feel good about yourself, in order to feel empowered, strong, godlike, all-knowing, all-capable.

Yes, feminism, ladies and gentlemen, especially ladies, is a form of narcissism. Collective narcissism.

Studies and learning feature in less than half of college advertising and promotional materials.

Yes, you heard me correctly. The words study, the word learning, the word knowledge, the word information, they feature in less than half of advertising and promotional materials of colleges in the United States.

The word fun is the key word, and it is clearly equated in all the brochures, in all the websites. It's clearly equated with sex.

The implication is, come to college to have sex. It's a four-year orgy. Hookups are a marketing tool intended to intoxicate the youth with a promise of unbridled freedom and loose women as a lure.

In this sense, women have never been less empowered than today, trying as they do to conform to chauvinistic male stereotypes of a liberated woman.

Men define what constitutes an emancipated, liberated, sex and fun-loving woman, not women.

Ideological cults, because I just said that feminism is an ideological cult, how do I know?

Ideological cults involve a switch from full-fledged rationality, or bounded rationality, at least, to what I call herd rationality.

There is safety in numbers, and it makes eminent sense to belong to a like-minded group of people. Even if belonging to this group requires self-defeating behaviors and a suspension of critical thinking.

Cults like feminism, also inducing their members pseudo-stupidity.

The passive-aggressive rejection of data and arguments by repeating formulaic and usually counterfactual slogans and mantras, group affiliation soothes the secretary delusions.

We are against the world. Cults leverage the secretary delusions to foster group affiliation.

So cults encourage you to believe there's an enemy out there, and the only way to counter and confront this enemy, to tame the enemy and to overcome and winis to belong to the group.

Isn't this the core message of most strands of feminism? Not all, but most. Men are the enemy, and the only way to overcome men and to win and to be equal to men is to belong to us feminists.

Examples of modern-day cults are rampant, but feminism is definitely one of them. Cults are the ramifications of organizing an explanatory hermeneutic principles. Cults imbue reality with meaning, and are both prescriptive, tell you what to do, and proscriptive, tell you what you should not do.

Again, feminism fits perfectly.

But my beef is not with feminism. My beef is with the utterly inane, and there's not a word but credulous, moronic teachings, wisdom in quotation marks, that are sort of spewed out, especially in academe, leveraging impressionable youth as absolutely sources of power and supply.

It's a narcissistic cult.

Here is another moronic pearl of wisdom from the cult of feminism, courtesy one of my correspondents.

Hookups are good, she said, because they render the participants more resilient, even when the participants end up being raped. I'm kidding you're not.

And the participants become more sexually experienced even if most of these experiences are bad.

So hookup is good. Hookups teach you to be strong and render you more experienced.

But why acquire resilience and experience in this horrible way? Why not simply warn young people that hookups suck and that they may even be hazardous, risky? Why do they need to go through hookups to learn these very simple facts, abundantly abundantly substantiated in hundreds of studies?

It is like saying jumping from multiple tall cliffs without a glider or a parachute had taught me a lot about my body and about the nature of cliffs out there.

One of the main arguments is hookups is a temporary phase. People emerge from the hookup culture, they graduate, and then they have normal relationships.

But dating among the young is merely glorified hooking up.

Dating today has nothing to do with the way it had been done since the 1920s. Dates nowadays are way shorter. The two parties are plastered, totally drunk or drugged. They invariably end up in penetrative sex or sexual assault. And they rarely lead to a second encounter. That's not dating. That's a hookup with a few drinks.

So once a youth gets hooked on hookups, there is literally no way back and there is no way forward.

Women today are postponing having a committed relationship, such as marriage, until they are in their early 30s. Women focus on their careers instead and they cherish their freedom to make all manner of choices, including sexual choices.

And on the face of it, there's nothing wrong with it.

But in the meantime, these young women avoid intimacy and emotions as they sleep around with strangers or, in the best case, friends with benefits.

But then, by the time these women decide to team up with an intimate partner, about half of these women discover to their horror that it is way too late. There's nobody there available to them. Or they can't do it. They don't know how to do it. They end up as embittered and misandrist lifelong singles.

The other half of women cycle through a series of disastrous, disastrous diets, disastrous relationships. They emerge from these relationships abused and traumatized for life.

The rate of infidelity has more than doubled in the past four decades, as women thrash about in growing panic in search of male alternatives while they betray their nominal mates.

Why this predicament? Why can't women transition smoothly from bookups to dating and from dating to relationships and from relationships, if they so choose, to marriage?

Why do half of them remain single for life effectively?

There are three reasons.

One, men today have been well educated by feminists. Men today prefer not strings attached sex with the crops of much younger women who flood the sexual marketplace every year.

Why would I date someone who is, let's say, 40 or 35? If I can safely, with a single swipe left or swipe right, date someone who is 25 or even tell no one 18. There's huge competition out there and it's growing more torrid and horrid by the day.

Number two, the double standard is still alive and kicking. Western men lie to women when they pretend that it is a thing of the past. Western men legitimize women's behavior or women's freedom of sexual choice because it suits them. They're lying to women in order to help women overcome the cognitive dissonance and sleep with them freely, not strings attached.

But in reality, when men are all alone, you know, when there's no woman around, all men, Western, Eastern, Southern and Northern, all men, no exception, no difference in terms of age, education, socio-economic background, all men, listen well, women, all menhave the same view of promiscuous women. Sluts. No one wants to team up for life with a slut. Her reputation irreparably tarnished by years of unbridled horrid.

Yes, these terms are still used secretly in pubs and bars when women are nowhere to be found or seen. The double standard, which is lamentable, it's wrong, it's stupid, it's fact of life, fact of social reality, ignore it at your peril, young woman.

Number three, after decades of meaningless sex, reduced effect and zero intimacy, very few women and men constitute relationship material. Men and women lack the most basic relevant skills or practice needed to have a relationship.

So men are going their own way. They reject any commitment or investment as they prey on the hordes of sexually available females younger by the minute.

And when these men grow old, some of them marry more conservative and traditional, therefore more submissive women, or they sometimes go overseas and pluck a gold digger and bring her home. Some feminists claim that hookup culture led to positive outcomes.

I'm quoting, most young people still want to get married. Teenagers today are far less likely than their parents were to have sex or to get pregnant.

It is debatable whether these are the outcomes of the hookup culture.

But even if they were, they're very misleading, as are all the arguments of feminism.

Feminism is a deliberately ambiguous theory with extremely misleading, counterfactual, fallacious statements galore.

And I'm saying this not as a misogynist, I'm saying this not as an old man, I'm saying this someone who had been trained as a scientist all his life. I'm a physicist, but my first profession was a physicist.

I go where the data take me, where the evidence leaves, and I don't care where it is. I may differ in terms of values, my values may be different, but I would never coerce, contort, and cajole the facts to fit my pet theory.

And these are facts. Everything I'm saying are inconvenient truths.

These accomplishments that feminists trot out to support the hookup culture, these accomplishments are illusory.

Yes, most young men and women, about 90%, want to have meaningful emotional, emotion-laden relationships and want to get married.

But most young people also fail to get married. Most young people actually fail to form any long-term relationship, cohabitation included.

The young are so turned off by casual sex, that according to Pew Center, a whopping 38% of young people end up adopting solitude and celibacy as a default lifestyle. That's 38% of young people.

What an outcome. What an outcome to feminism. How are they not ashamed of the devastation they had wrought upon an incalculable number of generations?

I am not aware of any social movements with such negative outcomes.

Barely any.

Sex has always been transactional. From immemorial times, from time immemorial, women have been trading sex for protection and provision.

Taboo! You're not supposed to say that. But sex is a currency. It's coinage.

Now, according to studies and interviews, women are swapping sex for free drinks. They're giving away sex for a place to crash when they are too hammered to return home.

This extreme debasement, cheapening and commoditization of sex engenders a cognitive dissonance in women.

They know that they are mistreating sex, that sex is potentially a hell of a lot more meaningful, more profound.

They know they're doing something wrong.

And so modern women resolve this dissonance, this guilt and shame, only part of which is social.

They resolve this dissonance by reframing the sordid proceedings in their unfortunate decision-making process.

They reframe it as a liberating choice.

Yes, I'm giving my body away because I need a place to stay the night, but I'm doing it as a liberating choice.

But women and men nowadays are in a pickle. Both women and men have decoupled sex from emotions and meaning.

On average, men and women spend 15 years having casual, meaningless, emotionless sex. That's 15, 1, 5, well over one-half of their lives by the time they're 30.

This recurrent practice of meaningless, emotionless sex hardwires the association into their neuroplastic brains indelibly.

If you keep having emotionless, meaningless sex for 15 years, finally all sex is going to be emotionless and meaningless. And there's nothing you can do about it.

You cannot reprogram your brain. It's too late.

There are pathways there that are forever. When these men and women change their minds, when they suddenly, ardently want to transform their sexual practice, suddenly they want to have meaningful sex.

They're dying to have emotion, sex with emotions. They no longer can. They don't know how.

Even in committed, intimate and loving relationships, the sex today is mechanical, clinical, impersonal, opposite, random, meaningless and emotionless.

It's like sex has nothing to do with a relationship. It's an add-on, a plug-in, an activity, like watching Netflix, or walking the cat. It's a horrible realization.

When young men and women are asked to link specific activities to intimacy, the majority, under the age of 30, most frequently list talking.

So when you ask them what activities for you signify intimacy, they say talking.

Not one young man or woman even mentions sex. It's not on the list. They don't mention sex as part of intimacy or an indicator thereof.

Consequently, as these men and women grow out of their casual sex days, they can't have sex in committed relationships. They devolve into celibacy, a sexless relationship or serial cheating to make up for the deficiency and loss.

So this is the world we had created. And we had created this world because feminism is actually an offshoot, a malignant offshoot of libertarianism.

As individualism has metamorphosized into narcissism. Yes, malignant individualism today is another name for narcissism. The right to choose had come to be identified with freedom itself.

But like everything else in our postmodern reality, freedom of choice had undergone several cancerous transformations. And I call this malignant libertarianism.

And the best, the epitome of this, the quintessential example is feminism.

For example, it is now used malignant libertarianism.

Freedom of choice is used as a way to refrain reality in order to resolve profound cognitive dissonances.

And I mentioned before, it is my choice to be objectified and abused in hookup sex. Women are saying this. Can you believe this?

I have read texts, feminist texts, where this is fed with a straight face as an argument.

Yes, I've been raped. Yes, I've been abused. Yes, I've been traumatized. Yes, I've been objectified. Yes, I've been humiliated. Yes, I've been dumped into the night after having served as a masturbatory aide.

Yes, all these horrible dehumanizing things that happened to me, but they were my choice. I chose to experience, to have these experiences.

So I'm liberated and emancipated and strong and resilient.

Free choice is such a poison that it is now extended to self-harm.

Self-harm, hookup culture is self-harm.

Women and men say I have a right to do with and to my body as I freely elect. I can destroy my body if I wish to. I can destroy myself if I wish to.

Their websites teach you how to commit suicide. And no one shuts them down because free choice, yes, you guessed it.

Most worryingly, the freedom to choose is now extended to justify harming others.

First time. The most recent example is the anti-vaxxer movement, but there are many other examples.

The hookup culture is harming not only women, it's harming young men as well.

By providing them with an environment where women and men are indistinguishable, where emotions are outlawed, or any sign of softness is disease catching feelings, it's called.

Men are denied the opportunity, denied the opportunity to freely express their emotions, to delve into attachment and bonding and love and warmth.

Ultimately, both men and women are the victims of feminism.

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Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the decline in sexual activity and satisfaction, particularly among younger generations, attributing it to rising narcissism, inhibitions, distractions, and environmental factors. He notes that casual sex is less satisfying than relationship sex, and that women are avoiding bad sex. The consequences of this decline include a collapse in birth rates and a rise in single adults living without partners. Additionally, pornography is reducing the desire for real-life sex, and dating apps are inefficient.


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Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the impact of disrupted object relations on the sex drive and the decline in sex as a language of communication. He also talks about the shift in gender roles and the rise of narcissism and psychopathy among women who have been subjected to abuse and complex trauma. Vaknin notes that men have become more effeminate, while women prefer better males who are submissive, kind, empathic, and nice. He predicts that technology will eventually provide people with artificial synthetic sex partners, leading to the end of human relatedness and communication.


Vaknin Rips Into Feminist: Genders, Sex, Relationships (Excerpts)

The speaker expresses strong opinions about feminism, particularly third-wave feminism, and its impact on women's empowerment. They argue that contemporary women are disempowered, burdened with debt, and engage in self-destructive behaviors due to the influence of third-wave feminism. The speaker also criticizes the lack of intimacy in modern relationships and the negative effects of casual sex culture. They express contempt for younger generations and their perceived entitlement. The conversation ends abruptly after the speaker is provoked with the phrase "OK, boomer."


Is Sam Vaknin a Misogynist (Woman-hater)?

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the negative impact of casual sex and the Stold Revolution, where women are rejecting feminine aspects and defining themselves in masculine terms. He argues that this trend is leading to an androgynous unigender state and a decline in relationships between genders. Women are conforming to male stereotypes of sexually emancipated sluts, claiming empowerment, but this is belied by the male double standard. Casual sex has adverse impacts on mental and physical health, and women have a tendency to select inappropriate males for breeding. The missing skills required to maintain intimacy in relationships are the ability to compromise, set boundaries, be vulnerable, tolerate frustration, give space, trust, and cooperate.


Why Men Abuse Modern Women, Degrade Them Sexually

Women are now more educated and financially successful than men, leading to a shift in traditional gender roles. However, in sex and interpersonal relationships, women are less empowered than ever, as men use these areas to assert their dominance and punish women for their success. This has led to an increase in infidelity, toxic masculinity, and dark triad personalities in both men and women. As a result, commitment in relationships is declining, and the battle between the sexes is becoming increasingly destructive.


Personality or Gut Disorders? Microbiome and Mental Illness

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the connection between gut bacteria and mental health, emphasizing the impact of gut microbiome on brain function and psychological well-being. He highlights the bidirectional relationship between gut bacteria and brain function, as well as the influence of gut microbiota on temperament, personality, and psychopathology. Vaknin also references studies on the role of gut bacteria in various psychiatric conditions, including borderline personality disorder, and the potential for gut microbiome manipulation as a treatment approach.


Where Have All the Wo/Men Gone?

Professor Sam Vaknin argues that women have become increasingly narcissistic and psychopathic due to their newfound powers and liberation, leading to a collective pathology. This has resulted in a mass psychopathology that is causing terrifying numbers of suicide rates, depression, and anxiety. Vaknin suggests that we need to acknowledge the truth about casual sex and stop being politically correct to confront the issues bravely and courageously. He believes that we need to rewrite the sexual scripts and restore distinct, clear, and boundaried gender roles to save ourselves from the collapsing gender roles that brought the narcissism pandemic and now the borderline secondary psychopathy pandemic.


Manosphere - Misogynistic Suicide by Woman: PUAs, Incels, MGTOWs, and Pillers (Red and Black)

The Manosphere is a complex online space where men discuss various topics related to gender roles, relationships, and societal trends. It includes pickup artists, incels, and MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way) communities, among others. These groups often have conflicting views and criticize each other. The rise of the Manosphere reflects significant social and cultural shifts, including the changing roles of men and women in society, the decline of traditional gender roles, and the increasing prevalence of unigender behaviors.


Men, We Miss You, Please Come Back! Signed: Your Women

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the current state of men and how it has driven women to behave dysfunctionally. He highlights that men are underachievers, underemployed, and overrepresented in menial jobs, leading to resentment and withdrawal from relationships and commitment. This has forced women to take on both traditional male and female roles, leading to a "unigender" society with blurred gender roles and increased competition between men and women. Vaknin expresses concern for the future of intimacy and relationships, as the younger generation becomes more narcissistic and disconnected from one another.


Promiscuity: Psychology of Self-Soothing with Sex (oh, and Relationships)

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the topic of promiscuity, its various causes, and its connection to mental health disorders. He delves into the psychological and behavioral aspects of promiscuity, including its association with narcissism, psychopathy, and dissociation. He also explores the impact of promiscuity on intimate relationships and societal changes. The presentation provides a comprehensive analysis of the complex and multifaceted nature of promiscuity.

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