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Narcissist: Accountable for His Actions?

Uploaded 1/4/2011, approx. 2 minute read

I am Sam Vaknin, and I am the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited.

Should the narcissist be held accountable for his actions?

Well, narcissists of all shades can usually control their behavior and their actions. They simply don't care to. They regard it as a waste of their precious time or a humiliating chore.

The narcissist feels both superior and entitled, regardless of his real gifts or accomplishments. Other people to the narcissist are inferior. They are his slaves. They are there to cater to his needs and make his existence seamless, flowing and smooth.

The narcissist holds himself to be cosmically significant and thus entitled to the conditions needed to realize his talents and to successfully complete his mission, which by the way changes fluidly and about which he has no clue except that it has to do with brilliance and fame.

What a narcissist cannot control is his void, the emotional black hole at his center, the fact that he doesn't know what it is like to be human because he lacks empathy.

As a result, narcissists are awkward, tactless, painful, taciturn, abrasive and insensitive. The narcissist should be held accountable for most of his actions, even taking into account his sometimes uncontrollable rage in the backdrop of his grandiose fantasies.

Yes, it's true that at times the narcissist fails or finds it hard to control his rage.

But at all times, even during the worst explosive episode, the narcissist can tell right from wrong and he simply does not care about other people sufficiently to refrain from expressing his rage.

Similarly, the narcissist cannot control his grandiose fantasies. He firmly believes that they constitute an accurate representation of reality, but he knows that lying is wrong and should not be done. He simply doesn't care enough about society and others to refrain from lying and confabulating.

To summarize, narcissists should be held accountable for most of their actions because they can tell right from wrong and they can refrain from acting. They simply don't care enough about others to put to good use these twin facilities and capacities.

Others are not sufficiently important to dent the narcissist's difference or to alter his abusive conduct. They are not worth the effort.

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Narcissist Never Sorry

Narcissists may occasionally feel bad and experience depressive episodes, but they have a diminished capacity for empathy and rarely feel genuine remorse for their actions. They often project their own insecurities onto others, viewing themselves as victims rather than acknowledging the pain they cause. While they may experience fleeting moments of regret when faced with significant crises, this is typically short-lived, as they quickly revert to their grandiose self-image and resume their predatory behavior. Ultimately, narcissists prioritize their own needs and desires, objectifying those around them without true reflection on their impact.


Why Narcissist Never Says “ I Am Sorry”

Narcissists are unable to express remorse or apologize due to a combination of factors, including a false self that shields their vulnerable true self from the consequences of their actions, a sense of entitlement that leads them to believe they are above social norms, and a lack of empathy that prevents them from understanding the impact of their behavior on others. They often manipulate their environment and project their own issues onto others, viewing themselves as victims rather than acknowledging their wrongdoing. This grandiosity and belief in their own uniqueness create a disconnect from reality, allowing them to justify their harmful actions without feeling accountable. Ultimately, while narcissists can control their behavior when necessary, they choose not to, as they prioritize their own needs and desires over the well-being of others.


Discontinuous Narcissist's Multiple Personas

Narcissists lack criminal intent and do not engage in premeditated wrongdoing; their harmful actions are unintentional by-products of their fragmented identities. They perceive their past selves as entirely separate, leading to confusion and anger when held accountable for previous actions. This disconnection allows them to shift personas easily, adapting to new environments and sources of narcissistic supply without emotional attachment to their past. Ultimately, their inability to empathize and predict the consequences of their actions contributes to their amoral and resilient nature.


Narcissist Responsible for His Actions

Narcissists possess a keen understanding of right and wrong and are capable of anticipating the consequences of their actions, yet they lack genuine empathy and regard for others. They view people as tools for their own gratification, treating them as interchangeable sources of narcissistic supply. While they can choose how to behave, they often reserve their worst treatment for those closest to them, as they take their supply for granted. Therefore, narcissists should be held to the same moral standards as everyone else, and special treatment should be avoided to prevent reinforcing their grandiose self-image.


Narcissists: Evil?

Narcissists can inflict harm on others, but their actions are not inherently malevolent; rather, they often act out of self-interest and expediency. While they may sometimes consciously choose morally wrong actions, they do not consistently do so, and their behavior is often devoid of genuine emotional engagement. The concept of evil becomes complicated when considering narcissists, as their actions resemble those of natural forces rather than intentional malice. A richer vocabulary is needed to accurately describe the nuances of narcissistic behavior and its impact on others, moving beyond simplistic labels of good and evil.


Simple Trick: Tell Apart Narcissist, Psychopath, Borderline

Narcissists maintain one stable aspect of their lives, referred to as an "island of stability," while the rest of their existence is chaotic and disordered, leading to misconceptions about their character. In contrast, psychopaths lack any stable elements in their lives, resulting in pervasive instability across all dimensions. There are two types of narcissists: those who create compensatory stability by stabilizing one area of their life while everything else is chaotic, and those who enhance instability by introducing chaos into all aspects of their lives when one area is disrupted. The distinction between narcissists and psychopaths lies in their emotional engagement and the presence of stability, with narcissists relying on external validation while psychopaths operate without emotional depth or continuity.


Narcissist Dreads Change, Uses Sex to Reduce Anxiety

Narcissists are change-averse due to their belief that they already know everything and their lack of curiosity about themselves and others. They also confuse their internal and external environments, leading to a fear that any change in the external environment will result in self-destruction. To reduce anxiety, narcissists engage in unusual psychosexuality and seek intimate partners to legitimize their sexual preferences. As society becomes more narcissistic, these behaviors become more prevalent, especially among women who conform to male stereotypes to gain attention and validation.


Narcissist as Spoiled Brat

Narcissists require attention and narcissistic supply, and when they cannot obtain it, they may experience decompensation, which can lead to acting out in various ways. Narcissists may resort to several adaptive solutions, including delusional narratives, antisocial behavior, passive-aggressive behavior, paranoid narratives, and masochistic avoidance. These behaviors are all self-generated sources of narcissistic supply. Masochistic narcissists may direct their fury inwards, punishing themselves for their failure to elicit supply, and this behavior has the added benefit of forcing those closest to them to pay attention to them.


Classifying Narcissists: Sanity and Masks

Narcissism is a complex and multifaceted phenomenon that can be categorized into various typologies, including those proposed by scholars like Theodore Millon and Drew Westen. Millon identifies four types of narcissists: elitist, amorous, unprincipled, and compensatory, while Westen categorizes them into high-functioning, fragile, and grandiose types. The distinction between cerebral and somatic narcissists highlights how individuals derive their narcissistic supply either from intellect or physicality, with each type exhibiting unique behaviors and interpersonal dynamics. Additionally, the concept of inverted narcissism describes individuals who are codependent on narcissists, seeking validation and self-worth through their relationships with them. Overall, understanding these typologies is crucial for recognizing the diverse expressions of narcissism and their implications in interpersonal relationships.


Narcissist Has No Friends

Narcissists treat their friends like Watson and Hastings, who are obsequious and unthreatening, and provide them with an adulating gallery. Narcissists cannot empathize or love, and therefore have no real friends. They are interested in securing narcissistic supply from narcissistic supply sources. The narcissist overvalues people when they are judged to be potential sources of supply, and devalues them when no longer able to supply him, ultimately leading to the alienation and distancing of people.

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