Narcissist Responsible for His Actions

Uploaded 4/14/2011, approx. 3 minute read

My name is Sam Vaknin, I am the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited.

We all agree that narcissists lack impulse control, they are not entirely responsible for their actions or at least in control of these actions.

So, should we judge the narcissist, should we get angry at him, be upset by him, should we communicate to him our displeasure, should we punish him?

But the answer is that the narcissist knows to tell right from wrong. He is perfectly capable of anticipating the results of his actions and their influence on his human environment.

The narcissist is very perceptive, is very sensitive to the subtlest nuances. I call it cold empathy as opposed to typical warm empathy that most people have.

Narcissist has x-ray vision, he can penetrate through defenses, spot chinks and vulnerabilities and home in on them. So, he knows others and he knows to tell right from wrong. He has to be that way.

The very integrity of his personality depends upon input from others, so he has to know them well.

But the narcissist does not care about others. He is unable to empathize. He does not fully experience the outcomes of his deeds or misdeeds and his decisions.

For him, people are dispensable, rechargeable, reusable, interchangeable. They are there to fulfill a function, to supply him with narcissistic supply, adoration, admiration, approval, affirmation or in the absence of these other types of attention even being feared.

People do not have an existence apart from carrying out their duties to the narcissist. They are functions, they are instruments, machines and tools of gratification and nothing else.

True, it is the disposition of the narcissist to treat humans in the inhuman way that he does.

However, this propensity is absolutely under control. The narcissist has a choice. He just doesn't think anyone is worth making it. He doesn't care enough to opt for the good and not for the evil. He doesn't mind other people. He doesn't pay attention to them. He doesn't cater to the needs, preferences, wishes and emotions.

It is a fact that the narcissist can behave completely differently under identical circumstances depending on who else is involved in the situation. The narcissist is not likely, for instance, to be enraged by the behavior of an important person, someone who can provide him with narcissistic supply.

But he might become absolutely violent with his nearest and dearest under the very same set of circumstances, same behavior, same words, different reactions.

This implies the existence of a choice. This is because his nearest and dearest, his closest, those he inflicts abuse upon, those who threaten him with intimacy, they are captives. They do not have to be won over. They do not have to be cajoled. They do not have to be flattered, courted.

The narcissist supply coming from them is taken for granted so they can safely be abused and treated aggressively.

Being a narcissist does not exempt the patient from being a human being. A person suffering from narcissistic personality disorder must be subjected to the same moral treatment and judgment as the rest of us, less privileged persons.

The courts do not recognize narcissistic personality disorder as a mitigating circumstance, let alone an insanity defense.

So why should we?

Treating the narcissist in a unique manner, especially, will only exacerbate the condition by supporting the grandiose fantastic image the narcissist has of himself and by encouraging his tendency to feel entitled to special treatment.

We should discourage pathological narcissism, not play along with it.

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Narcissist Never Sorry

Narcissists sometimes feel bad and experience depressive episodes and dysphoric moods, but they have a diminished capacity to empathize and rarely feel sorry for what they have done or for their victims. They often project their own emotions and actions onto others and attribute to others what they hate in themselves. When confronted with major crises, the narcissist experiences real excruciating pain, but this is only a fleeting moment, and they recover their former self and embark on a new hunt for narcissistic supply. They are hunters, predators, and their victims are prey.

The Signs of the Narcissist

Narcissists are difficult to spot, but there are subtle signs that can be picked up on, such as entitlement markers, idealization and devaluation, and a lack of empathy. Narcissists are often perceived as anti-social and are unable to secure the sympathy of others. They are also prone to projecting a false self and using primitive defense mechanisms such as splitting, projection, projective identification, and intellectualization.

Discontinuous Narcissist's Multiple Personas

Narcissists do not have criminal intent, but they do victimize, plunder, terrorize, and abuse others as a manifestation of their genuine character. The narcissist is a walking compilation of personalities, and each of these personalities has its personal history. The narcissist is unable to link his past acts or inaction with their outcomes in the present. The slicing of the narcissist's life is what stands behind the narcissist's apparent inability to predict the inevitable outcomes of his actions.

How Narcissist Experiences/Reacts to No Contact, Grey Rock, Mirroring, Coping, Survival Techniques

Narcissists are victims of post-traumatic conditions caused by their parents, leading to ontological insecurity, dissociation, and confabulation. They have no core identity and construct their sense of self by reflecting themselves from other people. Narcissists have empathy, but it is cold empathy, which is goal-oriented and used to find vulnerabilities to obtain goals. Narcissism becomes a religion when a child is abused by their parents, particularly their mother, and not allowed to develop their own boundaries. The false self demands human sacrifice, and the narcissist must sacrifice others to the false self to gratify and satisfy it.

Your Empathy as Narcissistic Injury: Narcissist Never Learns, No Insight

Narcissists reject empathy and intimacy because it challenges their grandiosity, and they become paranoid and aggressive when someone tries to be intimate with them. Narcissists lack empathy and access to positive emotions, leading to a truncated version of empathy called "cold empathy." Narcissists are self-aware but lack the incentive to get rid of their narcissism, and therapy is more focused on accommodating the needs of the narcissist's nearest and dearest. Cold Therapy is experimental and limited, as it removes the false self but does not develop empathy or improve the narcissist's interpersonal relationships.

Narcissist: Psychotic?

Narcissists are not full-fledged psychotics, as they are aware of the difference between true and false, real and make-believe, and are in full control of their faculties and actions. Narcissists are efficient instruments for the extraction and consumption of human reactions, and they resonate with their audience, giving it what it expects, wants, and demands. Narcissists are hypersensitive and hypervigilant, alert to every bit of new data, and continuously rearrange their self-delusions to incorporate new information in an egosyntonic manner. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is insufficient grounds for claiming a diminished capacity or insanity defense, as narcissists are never divorced from reality and crave it to maintain the precarious balance of their disorganized, borderline psychotic personality.

Self-Aware Narcissist: Still a Narcissist

Narcissism is pervasive and defines the narcissist's waking moments, infiltrating and permeating their dreams. Narcissists only admit to a problem when they are abandoned, destitute, and devastated. Narcissistic behaviors can be modified using talk therapy and pinpointed medication conditioning, but there is a huge difference between behavior modification and a permanent alteration of a psychodynamic landscape. Narcissism may improve with age, but it is rare.

Indifferent Narcissist

Narcissists lack empathy and are only interested in people as instruments of gratification. They lose interest in people who cannot provide them with narcissistic supply and proceed to devalue and discard them. The narcissist's emotional and physical absence from relationships is a form of aggression and defense against their own repressed feelings. Narcissism is a form of post-traumatic stress disorder that got ossified and fixated and mutated into a personality disorder.

Predator Narcissist: YOU are the Prey!

Narcissists have the ability to see through other people's emotional shields and know when they are deviating from the truth. They can intuitively grasp other people's self-interested goals and accurately predict their strategies and tactics. Narcissists can't stand self-important, self-inflated, pompous, vigorous, self-righteous, sanctimonious, and hypocritical people because they recognize themselves in them. They expose people's vulnerabilities and force them to confront their true selves, their dead-end careers, their mundane lives, the death of their hopes and dreams and wishes, their shattered illusions.

Narcissists: Alien Life-forms, Lack Empathy!

Narcissists lack the ability to empathize, which is what makes them seem like alien lifeforms, robots, automata, or machines. Empathy is what binds humans together and is the essence of what it means to be human. Narcissists cannot truly communicate with other people, including their family, friends, colleagues, and even therapists. They possess a form of empathy called cold empathy, which allows them to exploit, manipulate, and humiliate others.

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