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Narcissists: Homosexual and Transsexual

Uploaded 9/27/2010, approx. 5 minute read

I am Sam Vaknin, and I am the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited.


Research failed to find any substantive difference between the psychological makeup of a narcissist who happens to have homosexual preferences and a heterosexual narcissist.

There is, however, one element which might be unique to homosexuals, the fact that their self-definition hinges on their sexual identity.

Heterosexuals usually would not use their sexual preferences to define themselves almost fully. Homosexuality has been inflated to the level of a subculture, separate psychology or a myth.

This is typical of persecuted minorities.

However, it does have an influence on the individual.

Reoccupation with body and sex makes most homosexual narcissists somatic narcissists.

Moreover, the homosexual makes love to a person of the same sex. In a way, he makes love to his reflection.

And in this respect, homosexual relations are highly narcissistic and autoerotic affairs.

The somatic narcissist directs his libido, his sex drive, at his own body. The cerebral narcissist concentrates on the intellect. The somatic narcissist cultivates his body, nourishes, nurtures it, often is often a hypochondriac, dedicates an inordinate amount of time to the needs of his body, both real and imaginary.

It is through his body that the somatic narcissist tracks down and captures his sources of narcissistic supply. The supply that the somatic narcissist so badly requires is derived from his shape, from his build, from his muscles, from his profile, from his beauty, from his physical attractiveness and irresistibility, from his health or from his age.

The somatic narcissist downplays narcissistic supply, directed at other traits of his, even at his intellect.

The somatic narcissist uses sex to reaffirm his prowess, his attractiveness, his resistibility, irresistibility, his youth. Love to him is synonymous with sex.

And the somatic narcissist focuses his learning skills on the sexual act, on the conquest, on the foreplay, and the quartal aftermath.

Seduction becomes addictive because it leads to a quick succession of narcissistic supply sources.

Naturally, boredom, a form of transmuted self-aggression, boredom sets in once the going gets routine. Routine is counter-narcissistic by definition because it threatens the narcissist's sense of uniqueness.

An interesting side issue relates to transsexuals.

Philosophically, there is little difference between a narcissist who seeks to avoid his true self and positively to become his false self and a transsexual who seeks to discard his true gender and positively become a member of another gender.

But this similarity, though superficially appealing, is questionable.

People sometimes seek sex reassignment because of advantages and opportunities which they believe are enjoyed by the other sex.

This rather unrealistic fantastic view of the other is faintly narcissistic. It includes elements of idealized overvaluation of self-preoccupation and of objectification of one's self. It demonstrates a deficient ability to empathize in some grandiose sense of entitlement.

Most transsexuals say, I deserve to be taken care of or of omnipotence. Some of them say I can be whatever I want to be despite nature and God, in defiance of nature and God.

This feeling of entitlement is especially manifest in some gender dysphoric individuals who aggressively pursue hormonal or surgical treatment. They feel that it is their inalienable right to receive such treatment on demand and without any strictures or restrictions.

For instance, some transsexuals refuse to undergo psychological evaluation or treatment as a condition for the hormonal or surgical treatment.

It is interesting to note that both narcissism and gender dysphoria are early childhood phenomena. This could be explained by problematic primary objects, parents, dysfunctional families, or a common genetic or biochemical problem. It is too early to say which the research is meager.

As yet, there isn't even an agreed topology of gender identity disorders, let alone an in-depth comprehension of their sources.

A radical view preferred by Ray Blanchard seems to indicate that pathological narcissism is more likely to be found among non-core, egodystonic, autogynephilic transsexuals, and among heterosexual transvestites. It is less manifest in core egosyntonic homosexual transsexuals.

Autogenophilic transsexuals are subject to an intense urge to become the opposite sex and thus to be rendered the sexual object object of their own desire. In other words, they are so sexually attracted to themselves that they wish to become both lovers in the romantic equation, the male and the female.

Becoming a male or a female is the fulfillment of the ultimate narcissistic fantasy with the false self as a fetish, a narcissistic fetish.

The transsexual, by transforming himself into the opposite sex, provides himself with a closed space, closed universe in which he, and he alone, is the lover of himself in his role as male and female.

Autogenophilic transsexuals start off as heterosexuals and end up as either bisexual or homosexual.

By shifting his or her attentions to men, the male autogenophilic transsexual proves to himself that he has finally become a true and desirable woman.

A narcissistic aspiration if we ever heard one.

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Narcissists who engage in cross-dressing and fetishizing rubber dolls are not necessarily homosexual or transgender, but rather are expressing their suppressed feminine side and their feeling of being dead inside. By becoming a doll, they externalize their inside and create intimacy with others, while also satisfying their entitlement and desire to experience being the gender that is taken care of. This is a safe way for them to experience gender transition without any risk, and it is often a social fetish that involves others in a theatre production-like setting. Narcissists regard their lives as a movie and see themselves as both participant and observer.


Narcissist's BDSM Supply Partner (ENGLISH responses)

Homosexuality was classified as a mental illness until 1973, and there are still many paraphilias that some believe should be removed from the DSM, with the exception of pedophilia. Narcissists often choose partners who can provide a reliable source of supply, but they struggle with emotional intimacy, leading them to prefer partners who are emotionally neutral. Borderline individuals may engage in BDSM as a form of self-destructive behavior, using it to regulate their overwhelming emotions, often gravitating towards narcissists for their emotional detachment. Both narcissists and borderlines may engage in self-harm as a way to feel alive, but this behavior does not address the underlying issues of their respective conditions.


Psychology of Swinging (The Lifestyle)

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Freud's theories on anaclitic object choice suggest that individuals seek partners who fulfill their emotional needs, with heterosexuality linked to maternal figures and homosexuality to self-similarity. However, these concepts are criticized as overly simplistic and incorrect, particularly regarding the nature of narcissism and the self. In relationships involving individuals with borderline personality disorder, a dynamic emerges where the borderline's need for constant external validation leads to their partners developing narcissistic traits as they internalize an idealized version of the borderline. This creates a cycle of approach and avoidance, resulting in both partners experiencing emotional instability and reinforcing each other's maladaptive behaviors.


BDSM and Role Play are not Narcissism (ENGLISH responses)

BDSM practices involve negotiated role play between partners, where both the dominant and submissive have equal power and can communicate their desires and boundaries. In contrast, narcissists often distort BDSM principles, using humiliation and violence as a means to exert control and punish their own suppressed femininity, which can lead to dangerous behaviors. While healthy BDSM practitioners are typically balanced and mentally healthy, narcissists engage in ritualized sexual acts that resemble human sacrifice, driven by their need for control and specific preferences. Understanding narcissism requires viewing it as a form of religion, where sexual acts serve as rituals to worship their false self.


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Women Narcissists

A significant minority of narcissists are women, and while there are differences in how male and female narcissists manifest their traits, the underlying psychodynamics are similar. Women often focus on their physical appearance and traditional gender roles to secure narcissistic supply, while men may emphasize power and status. Both genders rely heavily on the opinions of others to maintain their self-image, leading to a dependence on social conformity. Ultimately, the primary distinction lies in their chosen sources of narcissistic supply, with societal factors influencing the prevalence of narcissistic personality disorder across genders.

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