Savior/Rescuer as Entitled Narcissist (Excerpt)

Uploaded 1/3/2023, approx. 17 minute read

It's called the Karbman drama triangle.

It's a rescuer, abuser and victim.

Karbman says that the roles change all the time, they shift, so a victim could become an abuser, abuser can become rescuer and so on and so forth.

He said that the roles are not fixed.

But yeah, yeah, you have these saviors, healers, fixers, rescuers types.

And they're actually mostly narcissistic. They're very grandiose, they're covert, so you can't see them coming. They hide behind a facade of empathy and compassion and altruism and charity and healthfulness and sacchar and they're the most wonderful people on earth and they're saintly almost, you know?

But actually behind the facade, there's a predator, a dangerous predator who has no boundaries, is unbounded and who has no moral compunction and no moral compass, a predator who would do anything, like anything, totally antisocial.

I had, look, I've been 26 years in this racket, so of course I've seen quite a few.

Actually I had one in my life until recently. The son is playing tricks on us. He was a guy I used to hang out with and we broke up after an incredible incident of egregious bad behavior and backstabbing.

So a lot of what I say in this video, in this interview, it's based on this rotten character, you know?

So saviors are very often perfidious fake friends.

Many of them are people pleasers, actually. They always claim to be helpless and defenseless.

Victim stunts, you know? They're always victims of manipulation and abuse and they're so childlike in their vulnerability and so in need of love. Of course, women lap it up. They lap it up, they love it. They see a love deficit and they just want to plug in and fulfill itand that is the secret source of saviors and rescuers because remember, as I said, saviors, healers, fixers, rescuers, they're grandiose, they're covert, they're fakeand they're definitely predatory. They often move around in couples like the savior rescuer type would team up with someone who is a lot less fake, someone who is honest, straightforward, non-nonsense, doesn't do sweet talk, never pretends and never liesand so in comparison to this backdrop, in comparison to this wingman, the savior or the rescuer appears to be empathic, compassionate, altruistic, loving, caring, even saintly. It's this contrast, they create this contrast. It's a problem, it's a problem because you can't see them coming.

These savior rescuer types like this guy that I mentioned, they're snakes in the grass. They masquerade as good peoplebut they actually engage all the time in perfidy, in betrayal, in backstabbing, in bit mouthing and so onbecause to pose as a savior or to pose as a rescuer, you have to cast someone as an abuser. You can't be a savior if there's no abuser.

So they go around labeling people, abusers and so on and so forth.

But in reality, most of these saviors and rescuers who are usually men, they're rabidly misogynistic. Some of them I think are latent homosexuals or closet gays. They're narcissistic and they're psychopathic on the dating scene, for example. They're playersactually, most of them are playersand the pickup line of these people is, I am a savior of damsels in distress. They're self-appointedof courseand their saving and rescuing is self-imputed. It's nonsense and bullshit. It disguises predatory practicesbut they go around picking up vulnerable, heartbroken, sad, crying women and telling them I'm going to save you from the bad, mentally ill, dangerous, damaging abuser that you're with. I'm the alternative to the horrors of your relationship.

But oftenas Cartman correctly observes, it is the savior who is the abuser, not the so-called abuser.

Cartman says that these roles are not fixed. They crucially depend on playacting, circumstances, interpersonal dynamics and so on and so forth.

So very oftensaviors and rescuers are predators and abusers masquerading as saviors and rescuers.

So they go to venues where you can find such women.

I don't know, bars, dating apps, restaurants, but they home in, they zero in on heartbroken, sad, damaged, crying, devastated, anxious and depressed women as targets wherever they may be.

It could be a dinner. It could be an intimate dinner with friends. It happened to me.

This savior type, he picked up a girl at a dinner. These women need to talk, they need to share. They can't be alone. They can't face being alone immediately, for example, after a breakup or after a big fight with a partner. They can't face being alone. They just need to talk, but they end up being prey, sexual or otherwise.

The savior or the rescuer just stigmatizes and labels someone as an abuser. They just pick up any guy and they would label him an abuser.

It often is actually a friend or a colleague because these are the easiest, most available targets.

So they would go around, they would talk to your, they would pretend to be a friend and then they would talk to your wife or to your girlfriend and they would convince her that you're an abuser and they can save her.

They're fake friends. They are sitting with envy and resentment, owing to deep set inferiority complex.

Saving, rescuing this operation makes them feel omnipotent, makes empowers them.

They feel god-like. It's mythical, it's almost mythological. It's almost like King Arthur legends.

They are the knight on shining armor and they are saving dancers in distress from the monsters that lurk in relationships.

The abuser could be anyone, that's what I'm telling you.

That's not the point.

Of course, some women are subjected to abuse in relationships, but the savior and rescuer is a predator.

He's not really interested in the woman or in her relationship or in her woes or in the problems that she's having or in her state of mind or in the abuser.

They couldn't care less. They hate women. Most of them absolutely detest women and hold them in deep contempt. They want to hurt women. They are dangerous, sadistic predators. They're rabid misogynists, as I told you.

So they bet mouth.

Even if you are best friend with them, they bet mouth you. They betray your confidences for hours to other people.

And of course, being grandiose, they don't realize that their words are reported back to the so-called abuser.

For example, this guy and me, I had information from multiple sources about how he's bet mouthing me and egregiously backstabbing me. I would introduce him to women and then he would take them aside or fix an appointment with them or have a date with them. And he would go on and on and on for hours bet mouthing metrying to convince him to not be with me.

But I refuse to believe it because he was that good at faking. He's a consummate fake. He's been fake all his life, I assume. He had to be fake to survive.

Saviors and rescuers attempt to create alliances or coalitions with victims against abusers.

But often the abuser is actually not an abuser.

So that's what I said.

For example, there's a fight. There's a fight.

A couple, there's a fight.

The savior would plug himself in and convince the woman that she's being abused.

Or there's a breakup. Hours after the breakup, the savior would date that woman and sleep with her.

That's the pattern. I call it the predatory three S's.

I'm gonna save you. I'm gonna have sex with you. And then I'm gonna scram. And I'm gonna scram pretending to be altruistic.

So like save, sex, scram.

The three S's of the predatorysavior and rescuer. I'm gonna pretend to save you. I'm gonna be a friend. I'm gonna be your shelter and refuge and sanctuary and respite. I'm gonna be there for you. I'm gonna listen to you for hours. And you can cry on my shoulder. I'm gonna understand you and accept you. I'm gonna calm you down, ameliorate your anxiety and everything.

All this in order to end up having sex with you. And then once I've had sex with you and aroused your sympathy and so on, there's a connection. I will scram. I just run away. And I will tell you, you don't need another fantasy or you're not ready for a relationship or such other bullshit like this.

This is what rescuers and savior types do. It's a highly narcissistic behavior. It's selfish. It's egotistical. It's predatory. It's exploitative. It's horrible because it leaves the victim of abuse. If she is indeed a victim of abuse, it leaves her much more broken than before. It leaves her even more devastated. She feels used and re-traumatized second time.

Depends if they're narcissistic.



If they're narcissistic, yes, they believe their own lies. They believe they have this fantasy of themselves. It's a grandiose fantasy of themselves. It's saviors and rescuers. And they believe their own lies and confabulations. It is their job, so to speak.

Self-assigned mission in life to save women from men. It's splitting.

They choose a target, let's say a good friend, a colleague, a neighbor. They choose a target. They make the target all bad or all black, an abuser. And then by comparison, they're all good. And that is splitting. It caters to their grandiosity.

But they have a boundary sexual needs. They don't record, they have no moral compass. They have no moral compass. They would sleep, they would poach your wife, they would poach your girlfriend. They would do anything. They don't care. They absolutely, there's no boundaries, no guiding behavior, no codes, no nothing. They are utterunmitigatedferalsavage predators.

Yes, I think I can generalize and say that all, I mean, everything I've just said is based on this character.

This guy in my life, but I've seen othersof coursein action. And yes, I can generalize and say that all savior, rescuer types are like that.

They are like that, absolutely.

No, he's notan exception. And it's not because I'm angry at him. I am angry at him, but I'm sufficiently detached.

Yes, this is the profile of a rescuer savior.

And any woman who has gone through this cycle will confirm what I'm saying.

Any woman, ask anyone who has had this triangle of abuser, rescuer savior, ask her what the rescuer savior, self-appointed rescuer savior, ask her what he did to her. Did he or did he not have sex with her hours after she appealed for help?

For example, yeah, we can move on to the next topic.


But I still want to say a few things, but it's not about him.

It's about this phenomenon of narcissistic saviors, narcissistic rescuers, narcissistic healers and fixers, narcissistic gurus, narcissistic coaches.

Narcissists are everywhere. They've taken over the helping professions. They are among therapists as well.

It's very dangerous what's happeningbecause narcissists and psychopaths infiltrated victimhood movements, self-help activities, forums online, and they're all over the place and they're in control of the agenda.

That's not me. These are studies in British Columbia in 2020, studies by Gabay. These studies clearly show that victimhood movements, self-help movements are being infiltrated by narcissists and psychopaths, especially covert narcissists.

Convert narcissists are the most dangerous in this sensebecause again, you can't see them coming.

And when they strike, it's sudden, it's disorienting, it's disconcerting, it's destructive.

It's a horrible experience.

I can tell you from personal experience the last few weeks, it's an absolutely horrible experience because a sense of betrayal is profound.

You want to believe in the good of other people. You want to believe that the world is good, people essentially are good.

And so it's a betrayal, not only of you, but a betrayal of kind of cosmic justice or a betrayal of the order of the world.

It's destabilizing and unsettling and terrifying in many respects.

It's like everything is upended. You lose your ability to trust in people after something like this.

So these predatory rescuers who end up having sex with vulnerable, broken people, who end up abusing and exploiting people, they are dangerous. They're much more dangerous than overt, open abusers. They're much more dangerous than in your face, my way or the highway, narcissists and psychopaths.

Because you can defend yourself if you know that someone is a narcissist or someone, you can protect yourself if someone is a psychopath. If you have the accurate information, you're safe.

But what do you do against people who pretend to be good people, empathic people, helpful, fake? Fake the willingness to help, just in order then to kind of prey on you.

What do you do with such people?

As a friend, as a lover, as a spouse, what do you do with such people?

That's the issue.

And there's no good answer to this. There's no good answer to this because our current civilization enables such people, gives them access to all kinds of technologies, empowering technologies.

And so their reach is much wider than ever before.

The danger cannot be overestimated.

(silence) (silence)

If you enjoyed this article, you might like the following:

Narcissist's Reactions to Abandonment, Separation, and Divorce

Narcissistic abusers often resort to self-delusion when faced with the dissolution of a meaningful relationship. They may adopt a masochistic avoidance solution, punishing themselves for their failure, or construct a delusional narrative in which they are the hero. Some may become antisocial psychopaths, while others develop persecutory delusions and withdraw completely from social contact, becoming schizoids. Finally, some abusers resort to an aggressive stance, becoming verbally, psychologically, and sometimes physically abusive towards loved ones.

N-Magnet: Narcissist's Ideal Victim?

Narcissists are not drawn to empathic, sensitive people, but rather repelled by them. Victims of narcissistic abuse come in all shapes, sizes, professions, genders, and ages, and there is no specific profile. People should not think of themselves as a "narcissist magnet" and instead review their life in detail to see that they have control over their destiny and can learn from their experiences. Bed relationships, no matter how harrowing, are opportunities to learn lessons.

Your Empathy as Narcissistic Injury: Narcissist Never Learns, No Insight

Narcissists reject empathy and intimacy because it challenges their grandiosity, and they become paranoid and aggressive when someone tries to be intimate with them. Narcissists lack empathy and access to positive emotions, leading to a truncated version of empathy called "cold empathy." Narcissists are self-aware but lack the incentive to get rid of their narcissism, and therapy is more focused on accommodating the needs of the narcissist's nearest and dearest. Cold Therapy is experimental and limited, as it removes the false self but does not develop empathy or improve the narcissist's interpersonal relationships.

Masochistic Personality Disorder (Masochism)

Masochists have been taught to hate themselves and consider themselves unworthy of love, leading to self-destructive behaviors. They avoid pleasurable experiences and seek suffering, pain, and hurt in relationships. They reject help and render attempts to assist futile. Masochists tend to choose people and circumstances that lead to failure and avoid those that result in success or gratification. They adopt unrealistic goals and generate underachievements, leading to rage, depression, and guilt.

How Narcissist's Victims Deceive Themselves

Narcissists cannot be cured and are a threat to those around them. Victims of narcissists often confuse shame with guilt and attribute remorsefulness to the narcissist when they are actually feeling shame for failing. Narcissists are attracted to vulnerable people who offer them a secure source of narcissistic supply. Healing is dependent on a sense of security in a relationship, but the narcissist is not interested in healing and would rather invest their energy in obtaining narcissistic supply. Narcissists lack empathy and cannot understand others, making them a danger to those around them.

Narcissists Have Emotions

Narcissists do have emotions, but they tend to repress them so deeply that they play no conscious role in their lives or conduct. The narcissist's positive emotions come bundled with very negative ones, and they become phobic of feeling anything lest it be accompanied by negative emotions. The narcissist is reduced to experiencing down-steerings in their soul that they identify to themselves and to others as emotions. Narcissists are not envious of others for having emotions, they disdain feelings and sentimental people because they find them to be weak and vulnerable.

Coping Styles: Narcissist Abuses "Loved" Ones Despite Abandonment Anxiety

Narcissists abuse their loved ones to decrease their abandonment anxiety, restore their sense of grandiosity, and test their partner's loyalty. Abuse also serves as a form of behavior modification, as it signals to the partner that they need to modify their behavior to avoid abuse. Coping styles for dealing with abuse include submissiveness, conflicting, mirroring, collusion, and displacement, but some of these styles can be harmful and should be avoided.

Spot a Narcissist or a Psychopath on Your First Date

There are warning signs to identify abusers and narcissists early on in a relationship. One of the first signs is the abuser's tendency to blame others for their mistakes and failures. Other signs include hypersensitivity, eagerness to commit, controlling behavior, patronizing and condescending manner, and devaluing the partner. Abusers may also idealize their partner, have sadistic sexual fantasies, and switch between abusive and loving behavior. Paying attention to body language can also reveal warning signs.

Giving Narcissist Second Chance

Narcissists do not provide closure in relationships and will stalk, cajole, beg, promise, persuade, and ultimately succeed in doing the impossible to get you back. The narcissist will cast all interactions with you in terms of conflicts or competitions to be won. If you have resumed contact because you are manifestly dependent on the narcissist financially or emotionally, the narcissist will pounce on your frailty and exploit your fragility to the maximum. Ultimately, the narcissist will write the inevitable cycle of idealization and devaluation.

Narcissist's Victims' Many Faces

Everyone around the narcissist is bound to become a victim, whether voluntarily or involuntarily. There are three categories of victims: those who suffer from the narcissist's instability, those who are misled by the narcissist's deceiving messages, and those who are intentionally targeted by the narcissist. The narcissist is both sadistic and masochistic, and in hurting others, he always seeks to also hurt himself. The narcissist is ruinous and destructive, and no amount of punishment can restore the balance or provide closure and vindication.

Transcripts Copyright © Sam Vaknin 2010-2024, under license to William DeGraaf
Website Copyright © William DeGraaf 2022-2024
Get it on Google Play
Privacy policy