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Stalked? Call Police and Law Enforcement!

Uploaded 11/4/2010, approx. 3 minute read

I am Sam Vaknin, and I am the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited.

You are being abused frequently and repeatedly. Should you get the police involved, if you want the nightmare to end, there is a rule of thumb which requires courage and determination to implement.

Involve the police and law enforcement authorities whenever possible. Report his crimes as soon as you can. Make sure that you retain a copy of your complaint.

Your abuser counts on your fear of him and on your natural propensity to keep domestic problems a secret. Expose him to scrutiny and to the penalties of the law. This will make him reconsider his actions next time around.

Physical assault is a criminal offense, and so is rape, and in some countries stalking and marital rape. If you have been physically or sexually assaulted, go to the nearest hospital and document your injuries. Be sure to obtain copies of the admission form, the medical evaluation report, and of any photographs and exam results, x-rays, computerized tomography, biopsies, MRIs, and so on.

If your abusive, intimate partner verbally threatens you, your nearest and dearest, or your property or even pets, this is also criminal conduct. To the best of your ability, get him on tape or make him repeat his threats in the presence of witnesses. Then promptly file a complaint with the police.

If your abuser forces you to remain indoors in isolation, he is committing an offense. Forced confinement or imprisonment is illegal. While so incarcerated, failing to provide you with vital necessities such as air, water, medical aid, and food is yet another criminal act.

Damage to property rendering it inoperative or useless is mischief. It is punishable by law.

Same goes for cruelty to animals, let alone children. If your partner swindled you out of funds or committed fraud, theft, or perjury by falsifying your signature on a checking or credit card account, report him to the police.

Financial abuse is as pernicious as the physical variety. In most countries, the police must respond to your complaint. They cannot just file it away or suppress it. They must talk to you and to your partner separately and obtain written and signed statements from both parties.

The police officer on the scene must inform you of your legal options and rights. The officer in charge must also furnish you with a list of domestic violence shelters and other forms of help available in your community.

If you suspect that a member of your family is being abused, the police in most countries can obtain a warrant permitting entry into the premises to inspect the situation. They are also authorized to help the victim relocate, leave, and to assist her in any way, including by applying on her behalf and with her consent to the courts to obtain restraining and emergency protection orders.

A breach of either of these kinds of orders may be an indictable criminal offense as well as a civil offense.

If you decide to pursue the matter and if there are reasonable grounds to do so, the police will likely lay charges against the offender and accuse your partner of assault.

Actually, your consent is only a matter of formality and is not strictly required by law. The police can charge an offender on the basis of evidence only and without your consent.

If the team on the scene refuses to lay charges, you have the right to talk to the senior police officer. If you cannot sway them to act, you can lay charges yourself by going to the courthouse and filing with the justice of the peace.

The justice of the peace must let you lay charges. It is your inalienable right. You cannot deny it to you. You cannot withdraw charges laid by the police and you most probably will be subpoenaed to testify against your abuser.

So, should you get the courts involved?

Watch your next video for the answers.

If you enjoyed this article, you might like the following:

Stalked: Get Help

Victims of abuse should seek help from family, friends, and colleagues. However, the legal system may not be effective in dealing with stalking and domestic violence. Victims should document the abuse and report it to the police and building security. They should also hire a security expert if the threat is credible or imminent and rely on professional advice from attorneys, accountants, private detectives, and therapists. Joining support groups and organizations for victims of abuse and stalking can also be validating and empowering.


The Shock of Abuse

Abusers are skilled at hiding their abusive behavior from the rest of the world, often with the help of their victims. A study of 30 women who survived attempted homicide by their intimate partners found that half of them were completely surprised by the attack, despite having been victims of previous episodes of abuse. Victims often rationalize the abuser's behavior and feel guilty, believing they are to blame for the misconduct. Classic risk factors for attempted homicide by an intimate partner include escalating episodes of violence, threats with or use of weapons, alcohol or drug use, and violence to children.


Stalked? Restraining Orders, Peace Bonds, Courts

Professor Sam Vaknin advises victims of abuse to involve the courts whenever possible. In many countries, the first step is to obtain a restraining order from a civil court, as part of divorce or custody proceedings, or as a stand-alone measure. The difference between a protection order and a restraining order is that the protection order is obtained following an incident of domestic violence involving injury or damage to property. The wording of the restraining order is crucial, and it is important to seek a new restraining order if you have moved.


Abuse Victim as Hostage: Stockholm Syndrome and Trauma Bonding

Abusive relationships require two people to sustain, and the abuser and the abused form a bond and dependence. Society often refuses to tackle this phenomenon, and people, mostly women, remain in abusive households for various reasons. The abuser treats their spouse as an object, devoid of a separate existence and denuded of distinct needs, preferences, wishes, and priorities. The abuser exploits the vulnerabilities in the psychological make-up of their victim, and abusive behavior often indicates serious underlying psychopathologies.


Domestic Violence Shelters

Before moving into a domestic violence shelter, it is important to ensure that the shelter's philosophy aligns with your own. Check if the shelter caters to specific ethnic minorities or neighborhoods, and if you can abide by the house rules. Gather intelligence and be informed before making a move, and talk to battered women who spend time in the shelter. Ensure that the shelter is secure, and that it provides counseling for abusers as well as ongoing support for their victims. Remember that shelters are temporary solutions, and plan your life after the shelter.


Body Language of Narcissistic and Psychopathic Abuser

Abusers emit subtle signals in their body language that can be observed and discerned. They adopt a posture of superiority and entitlement, and they idealize or devalue their interlocutors. Abusers are shallow and prefer show-off to substance, and they are serious about themselves. They lack empathy, are sadistic, and have inappropriate affect. They are adept at casting a veil of secrecy over their dysfunction and misbehavior, and they succeed in deceiving the entire world.


Abuse By Proxy

Abusers often use third parties to control, coerce, threaten, stalk, tempt, seduce, harass, communicate, or manipulate their targets. They use the same mechanisms and devices to control these unaware instruments as they plan to control their ultimate prey. The abuser perverts the system, and therapists, marriage counselors, mediators, court-appointed guardians, police officers, and judges end up upholding the abuser's version and helping him further abuse his victims. The victim's children are the abuser's greatest source of leverage over his abused spouse or mate.


Stalker Psychology

Stalking is a form of abuse that continues long after a relationship has ended, with the majority of abusers getting the message. However, a minority of abusers, the more vindictive and obsessed ones, continue to stalk their ex-partners for years to come. These stalkers are typically lonely, violent, and intermittently unemployed, but they are rarely full-fledged criminals. Contrary to myths perpetrated by the mass media, studies show that most stalkers are men, have high IQs, advanced degrees, and are middle-aged.


Stalked: Your Getaway - Planning and Executing It

Victims of abuse should prepare thoroughly before leaving their abuser, especially if the partner is violent and paranoid. The province of Alberta in Canada recommends copying all important documents and storing them in a safe place, making a safety plan, and taking essential items such as prescribed medication, personal hygiene products, and money. If fleeing with children, bring their various medications, favorite toy or blanket, and clothing. It is also important to secure transportation, agree on codes and signals with friends and family, and avoid confrontation over the departure.


Coping Styles: Narcissist Abuses "Loved" Ones Despite Abandonment Anxiety

Narcissists abuse their loved ones to decrease their abandonment anxiety, restore their sense of grandiosity, and test their partner's loyalty. Abuse also serves as a form of behavior modification, as it signals to the partner that they need to modify their behavior to avoid abuse. Coping styles for dealing with abuse include submissiveness, conflicting, mirroring, collusion, and displacement, but some of these styles can be harmful and should be avoided.

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