Stalked: Your Getaway - Planning and Executing It

Uploaded 11/2/2010, approx. 3 minute read

I am Sam Vakninand I am the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited.

My frequent advice to victims of abuse is run, flee to the hills, detach, no contact, go away, escape, but do not leave unprepared.

Study and execute every detail of your getaway. This is especially important if your partner is violent and paranoid.

Be sure to make a safety plan, how to get rid, how to get out of the house unnoticed, and the indispensable minimum items that you should carry with you, even on a short notice.

Here are the recommendations of the province of Alberta in Canada.

Long before you actually leave, copy all important documents and store them in a safe place. These include identity cards, health care and social insurance or security cards, driver's license and registration, credit cards, bank cards, other personal identification papers including picture IDs, birth certificate, immunization cards for the children, custody orders, personal checkbook, lost banking statements and mortgage papers. Make a list of all computer passwords and access codes, for instance ATM pins.

When you leave the house, take with you these copied documents as well as the following personal items, prescribed medication, personal hygiene products, glasses and contact lenses, money, borrow money from family members, a neighbour, a colleague or friends if you have to.

Take with you several changes of clothing, don't forget night wear and underwear, heirlooms, jewellery, photo albums, pictures that you want to keep, craft, middle work and hobby work.

The situation is inevitably more complicated if you are fleeing with your children. In this case, be sure to bring with you their various medications, soother, bottles, favorite toy or blanket and clothing, again night wear, underwear.

All their kids may carry their own clothes and school books. Make a list of the following and have it on you at all times, addresses and phone numbers, domestic violence shelters, police stations, night courts, community social services, schools in the vicinity, major media and address and phone and fax numbers of your lawyer and his attorneys.

Secure a detailed public transportation map. Your best bet is to apply to a shelter for a safe place to stay the first few days and nights.

See a separate video that I have prepared about domestic violence shelters.

If you can afford to, your next step should be to hire a divorce attorney and file for interim custody. Your divorce papers can be served much later.

Your first concern is to keep the children with you safely and legally. Your husband is likely to claim that you have kidnapped them.

But your escape should be only the tip of a long period of meticulous preparations.

We already mentioned that you should make copies of all important documents. Don't escape from your predicament, penniless. Secretly put aside cash for an escape fund.

Your husband is likely to block your checking account and your credit cards. Ask around where you can stay the first week. Will your family or friends accept you?

Apply to a domestic violence shelter and wait to be accepted before you get away. Be sure to know where you are going that first night. Make extra sets of keys and documents. Bundle these up with some clothes and keep these reserved, troughs with friends and family.

Put one such treasure in a safety deposit box and give the key to someone you trust.

Secure transportation for the day or night of the escape. Agree on codes and signals with friends and family. For instance, if I don't call you by 10pm something has gone wrong or if I call you and say that Ron is home, call the police. You should wait until he is gone and only then leave home.

Avoid confrontation over your departure. It can end badly. Do not inform him of your plans. Make excuses to sleep away in the days and months before you actually leave. Get him used to your frequent absence.

Should you get the police involved? Watch the next video for an answer.

If you enjoyed this article, you might like the following:

Closure with Abusers

Closure is necessary for victims of abuse to heal their traumatic wounds. There are three forms of effective closure: conceptual, retributive, and dissociative. Conceptual closure involves a frank discussion of the abusive relationship, while retributive closure involves restorative justice and a restored balance. Dissociative closure occurs when victims repress their painful memories, leading to dissociative identity disorder. Victims pay a hefty price for avoiding and evading their predicament. Coping with various forms of closure will be discussed in a future video.

False Hope of Hot and Cold: Intermittent Reinforcement, Trauma Bonding, Approach-Avoidance

Intermittent reinforcement is a pervasive phenomenon that involves two or more people, and it is not always abusive or dysfunctional. It involves regular signals, messages, and treatment that are cruel, abusive, and disempathic, interspersed with displays of extreme affection. Intermittent reinforcement can be attributed to four types of schedules: fixed interval, variable interval, fixed ratio, and variable ratio. These behaviors wear down the victim and make them more amenable to manipulation, which is the idea behind intermittent reinforcement.

Sex Addiction, Hypersexuality, Compulsive Sexual Behaviour Disorder ( CSBD)

Sex addiction is a real clinical entity, but it is often misunderstood and misinterpreted. It is not the same as promiscuity, as sex addicts often have certain standards and are not indiscriminate in their sexual partner selection. Sex addiction is a compulsion, and many sex addicts are celibate or masturbate excessively. The root of sex addiction is not fully understood, but it is linked to shame and early traumatic experiences. There is no good treatment, and the prognosis is poor.

Psychology of Swinging (The Lifestyle)

Swinging, also known as group sex or spouse-sharing, involves sexual acts performed by more than two participants. The psychological background to such pursuits is not clear, but thousands of online chats reveal ten psychodynamic strengths. These include latent and overt bisexuality and homosexuality, the Slut-Madona complex, voyeurism and exhibitionism, vicarious gratification, masochism, legitimized cheating, alleviating boredom, displaying partners, and objectification. Swinging can be a form of art, entertainment, and intimacy-enhancing recreation, but it can also provoke anxiety, romantic jealousy, and guilt.

Bullies: Intermittent Reinforcement and Sex Withholding

Intermittent reinforcement is a tool used by bullies, which is rarely conscious and often unintentional. Most bullies are not self-aware and deny that they are bullies, instead claiming to be victims. Withholding sex is a strategy used by bullies, who often make excuses for their behaviour and refuse to acknowledge the problem. The bully rejects their partner, humiliates them, and isolates them to render them incapable of finding an alternative.

ET to the Rescue: Narcissists and Psychopaths as Aliens - Part 1

Narcissists and psychopaths are often compared to aliens, as they lack empathy and a workable theory of mind. They view themselves as machines or robots and believe they are superior to most people. The video then discusses the possibility of extraterrestrial life and the six possible explanations for why we have not encountered aliens. The author also raises the question of how we can distinguish alien artifacts from naturally occurring objects and if we can recognize them as intelligent lifeforms if we have nothing in common with them.

When the Narcissist's Parents Die

The death of a narcissist's parents can be a complicated experience. The narcissist has a mixed reaction to their passing, feeling both elation and grief. The parents are often the source of the narcissist's trauma and continue to haunt them long after they die. The death of the parents also represents a loss of a reliable source of narcissistic supply, which can lead to severe depression. Additionally, the narcissist's unfinished business with their parents can lead to unresolved conflicts and pressure that deforms their personality.

Why Narcissists Love Borderline Women and Why They Hate Them Back

Narcissistic mortification is a challenge to the false self, which crumbles and is unable to maintain defenses and pretensions. Narcissists use two strategies to restore some cohesiveness to the self: deflated and inflated narcissist. Narcissists engage in mortification, a form of self-mutilation, to feel alive and free from commitment to their false self. Narcissists seek out borderline women to mortify them and experience the unresolved primary conflict with their mother.

Adulterous, Unfaithful Narcissists: Why Cheat and have Extramarital Affairs?

Narcissists cheat on their spouses for several reasons. Firstly, they require a constant supply of attention, admiration, and regulation to regulate their unstable sense of self-worth. Secondly, they are easily bored and require sexual conquests to alleviate this. Thirdly, they maintain an island of stability in their life surrounded by chaos and instability. Fourthly, they feel entitled to anything and everything and reject social conventions. Fifthly, they feel that being married reduces them to the lowest common denominator. Sixthly, they are control freaks and initiate other relationships to reassert control. Finally, they are terrified of intimacy and adultery is an excellent tool to suppress it.

Twitter Narcissism

Twitter is not a platform for narcissists as it limits them to 140 characters, which can cause narcissistic injury. However, Twitter presents a challenge to its users to be creative and imaginative in their communication. Twitter is the digital reincarnation of earlier forms of direct communication, such as the telegraph and text message, and forces recipients to use their imagination to decipher the code. Twitter is unlikely to disappear and is unlikely to become a platform for verbose, uncontrollable narcissists.

Transcripts Copyright © Sam Vaknin 2010-2024, under license to William DeGraaf
Website Copyright © William DeGraaf 2022-2024
Get it on Google Play
Privacy policy