Cerebral Narcissist's Confession: Regulation of Narcissistic Supply

Uploaded 2/15/2013, approx. 3 minute read

My name is Sam Vaknin, and I am the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited.

Recently, I have received an interesting letter through the Cerebral Narcissist. He wrote this to me, quote, I guess I am going to throw back to the men of the 18th or 19th century.

I am patriarchal. I am transactional. I have had several serious relationships, including one engagement to be married, and three marriages.

The pattern had always been the same.

Having selected a woman far inferior to my position in life and thus less likely to abandon sheep, and following a brief period of rampant sex to demonstrate her that I am normal and to make her look forward to years of great physical and emotional intimacy, false advertising if there ever was one.

Well, following this period of courtship, I subside into this recluse, interested only in my studies, reading, writing, and the universe of the mind. Zero sex, no love, no intimacy, physical, emotional, no children, no home, always lived in rented flats, and no family. It's a take-it-or-live-it proposition. It entails minimum nuisance value.

So why did I get married? What are the roles of my intimate partner?

One, to admire me. Two, to remind me of my past accomplishments and glory. Three, to act as a glorified housemate and do the chores. Four, to serve as my companion, available on the spur of a moment to do my bidding and adhere to my plans and decisions.

And five, to reflect well on me by not shaming me in public with their ignorance, promiscuity, or idleness.

The cerebral narcissist continues. As long as she fulfilled the aforementioned functions, I didn't really care what else she did with her time and with whom.

Nothing stirred in me, not even a hint of jealousy, when all my women told me that they had cheated on me with other men, some of them multiply.

But when they showed clear signs of bolting, when they became disenchanted, bitterly disappointed, disaffected, disillusioned, cold, aloof, wary, demonstrably absent, when they all stole interest in me in my work, verbally and psychologically abused me, and refused to do things together anymore, then I panicked because I was afraid to lose their valued services.

The thing is, I dreaded the time, effort, and resources required to break in, to train and domesticate and obituary to another woman, to my highly special needs, in particular requirements.

I was also tired of having my women of scorn with half my assets time and again. After all, I married them only in order to secure their presence in my life, and I did provide them with a lifestyle that they could never have attained by themselves, inferior as they were to start with.

So faced with such a daunting prospect of being abandoned, I embarked on a charm offensive, and I again offered them sex, intimacy, love, attention, and if needed, adulation.

Only usually at this stage, it was too late, definitely too little. She was already phalange. She bolted all the same.

All my women felt that something was wrong with me, that something was missing in the relationship such as it was, but they couldn't quite place their collective finger on it.

I simply absented myself because I regarded full-fledged intimate relationships as both a colossal waste of my precious time and the manifestation of socially sanctioned mediocrity.

There had always been a discrepancy in expectations which led to inevitable breakups and acrimony, concludes the unrepentant cerebral larcissist.

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Narcissist Frustrates Women with Ostentatious Fidelity

Narcissists, particularly cerebral narcissists, often frustrate women who are attracted to them by withholding sex or teasing them. This is because they are misogynists who hold women in contempt and fear them. They divide women into saints and whores, and view sex and intimacy as mutually exclusive. The narcissist's frustrating behavior serves to secure a narcissistic supply and reenact unresolved conflicts with their mother. They pathologize women to control them and project their own parasitic behavior onto them.

Narcissist: No Sex, please, I am Cerebral!

Narcissists are autoerotic and prefer masturbation to sex. They view women with contempt and seek to torment them. The cerebral narcissist is often celibate and prefers pornography and sexual auto-stimulation to the real thing. They are afraid of encounters with the opposite sex and are even more afraid of emotional involvement or commitment that they fancy themselves prone to develop following a sexual encounter.

Why Cerebral Narcissist Chooses YOU

Cerebral narcissists choose sexually incompatible partners for six reasons: 1) to maintain a morally superior victim stance, 2) to test their partner's unconditional love and allegiance, 3) to control their partner through guilt and shame, 4) to legitimize their defiance and contempt for their partner, 5) to forgive their partner and feel like a benevolent figure, and 6) to give their partner freedom while maintaining their own schizoid lifestyle. Cerebral narcissists are repelled by physicality and only engage in sex when hunting for a new partner to embed in a shared fantasy.

Narcissist: Women as Sluttish Huntresses or Sexless Saints

Heterosexual narcissists desire women but are frustrated by their inability to interact with them meaningfully. They hate women virulently, passionately, and uncompromisingly, and their hate is primal, irrational, and the progeny of mortal fear and sustained abuse in early childhood. Narcissists are infinitely pessimistic, bare-tempered, paranoid, and sadistic, and their daily routine is a rigmarole of threats, complaints, hurts, eruptions, moodiness, and rage. They are their own worst enemy and cannot conceive of life in one place with one set of people, doing the same thing in the same field with one goal within a decades-old game plan or career path or relationship.

Adulterous, Unfaithful Narcissists: Why Cheat and have Extramarital Affairs?

Narcissists cheat on their spouses for several reasons. Firstly, they require a constant supply of attention, admiration, and regulation to regulate their unstable sense of self-worth. Secondly, they are easily bored and require sexual conquests to alleviate this. Thirdly, they maintain an island of stability in their life surrounded by chaos and instability. Fourthly, they feel entitled to anything and everything and reject social conventions. Fifthly, they feel that being married reduces them to the lowest common denominator. Sixthly, they are control freaks and initiate other relationships to reassert control. Finally, they are terrified of intimacy and adultery is an excellent tool to suppress it.

Narcissists Hate Women, Misogynists

Narcissists view women as objects and use them for both primary and secondary narcissistic supply. They fear emotional intimacy and treat women as property, similar to the mindset of European males in the 18th century. Narcissists frustrate women by teasing them and then leaving them, and they hold women in contempt, choosing submissive partners whom they disdain for being below their intellectual level. The narcissist projects his own behavior and traits onto women.

Why Narcissist Devalues YOU (Hint: Wants YOU "Dead")

Narcissists devalue their partners as a form of self-defense and control. There are two types of devaluation: preemptive and reactive. Preemptive devaluation occurs when a narcissist is in a transitional state between overt and covert narcissism, and they devalue potential sources of supply to prevent the overt side from using them against the covert side. Reactive devaluation is a response to a perceived threat to the narcissist's grandiosity or control. Both types of devaluation are harmful to the victim and serve to maintain the narcissist's sense of power and control.

Narcissist's Celibacy as a Religious Principle (ENGLISH responses)

Narcissists create an ideology that elevates sexual celibacy or sexual abstinence into a religion, which is a private religion with one God, the false self, and one worshiper, the narcissist. Eastern religions and mystical sects use sexual abstinence as the internalization and use of a positive life force to induce a transformation that elevates the person to a higher level. In contrast, Western tradition perceives sex as dirty, prohibited, taboo, negative force, to be suppressed, ignored, and ashamed of, which leads to a cycle of shame and guilt. Narcissists are conflicted about sex, and they treat other people as objects, commodify, objectify, and dehumanize them.

Can Narcissist Truly Love?

Narcissists are incapable of true love, but they do experience some emotion which they insist is love. Narcissists love their significant others as long as they continue to provide them with attention, or narcissistic supply. There are two types of narcissistic love: one type loves others as one would get attached to objects, while the other type abhors monotony and constancy, seeking instability, chaos, upheaval, drama, and change. In the narcissist's world, mature love is nowhere to be seen, and their so-called love is fear of losing control and hatred of the very people on whom their personality depends.

Breaking Through the Narcissist's Indifference by Becoming a Psychop

Narcissists have three essential demands from their partner: sex, supply, and services. If the partner provides any two of these three, the narcissist is pacified and ignores her. The partner needs to escalate, dramatize, and render herself unpredictable to attract the narcissist's attention. As our civilization becomes more narcissistic, both men and women adopt and emulate grandiose psychopathic men as role models, gurus, and guiding lights. The situation is so bad that many people are choosing simply to stay alone, to remain single in the fullest sense of the word.

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