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Inverted Narcissist Envies Narcissist Intimate Partner

Uploaded 12/10/2013, approx. 3 minute read

My name is Sam Vaknin, and I am the author of Malignant Self-Love: Narcissism Revisited.

A refresher course.

Two narcissists of the same type, somatic, cerebral, classic, compensatory, inverted, etc. If they are of the same type, two narcissists cannot maintain stable, long-term, full-fledged and functional relationship.

To remind you, there are two types of narcissists, the somatic narcissist and the cerebral narcissist. The somatic type relies on his body and sexuality as sources of narcissistic supply. The cerebral narcissist uses his intellect, his intelligence and his professional achievements to obtain the same.

Narcissists are either predominantly cerebral or overwhelmingly somatic. In other words, they either generate narcissistic supply by using their bodies or by flaunting their minds.

If both members of a couple are cerebral narcissists, for instance, if both of them are scholars or academics, the resulting competition prevents them from serving as ample sources of narcissistic supply to each other. Finally, the mutual admiration society crumbles.

Consumed by the pursuit of their own narcissistic gratification, these two similar narcissists, same type narcissists, have no time or energy or will left to cater to the narcissistic needs of their partner.

Moreover, the partner is perceived as a dangerous and vicious contender for a scarce resource of narcissistic supply.

This, of course, is less true if the two narcissists work in totally unrelated academic or intellectual fields, but it still holds.

What happens if the two narcissists are of different types?

If one of them is cerebral and the other one is somatic, then a long-term partnership based on the mutual provision of narcissistic supply can definitely survive.

Example, if one of the narcissists is somatic, uses his or her body as a source of narcissistic gratification, and the other member of the couple is cerebral, uses his or her intellect or professional achievements as such a source for supply.

Well, in such a combination, such a dyad, there is nothing to destabilize such a collaboration. It is even potentially emotionally rewarding.

The relationship between these two narcissists, the cerebral and somatic, resembles the one that exists between an artist and his art or a collector and his collection. This can and does change, of course, as the narcissists involved grow older, flabbier and less agile intellectually.

The somatic narcissist is also prone to multiple sexual relationships and encounters intended to support his somatic and sexual self-image. Cheating and adultery are not taken kindly even by cerebral narcissists. These may subject the relationship to fracturing strains.

But all in all, in general speaking, a stable and enduring relationship can and often does develop between dissimilar narcissists.

But this rule that opposites attract, cerebral somatic, somatic cerebral, this rule does not apply to a classic inverted narcissist pairing.

Cerebral narcissists tend to pair with inverted cerebral narcissists.

Inverted cerebral narcissists are the only ones who can appreciate the intellectual accomplishments of cerebral narcissists. The inverted narcissist appropriates the accomplishments of the inverted cerebral narcissist as their own.

In a couple where one of the members is a cerebral narcissist and the other is an inverted cerebral narcissist, the cerebral narcissist generates fame, recognition, and celebrity. And the inverted cerebral narcissist appreciates the accomplishment of the cerebral narcissist and appropriates these accomplishments, feeling that he had a contribution.

Similarly, somatic narcissists tend to bond with their inverted somatic counterparts. Though content to derive her narcissistic supply from the reactions to her intimate partner's achievements, the inverted narcissist, being of the same type, still feels envious and frustrated by her relative obscurity.

So an inverted cerebral narcissist feels overshadowed by her classic cerebral narcissist partner.

Being cerebral, albeit inverted, she feels that she too should be recognized or can contribute. And being unable to do so because of her psychological dynamics, she feels frustrated, aggravated, overlooked, discriminated, unjustly ignored.

In the long run, such an inverted narcissist succumbs to her self-defeating urges and seeks to ruin the fount of her frustration, her classic partner, despite the fact that he, her partner, also serves as her prime and often exclusive source of narcissistic supply.

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Two Narcissists in a Couple

Two narcissists can establish a long-term, stable relationship if they are of different types, such as one being somatic and the other cerebral, as they can mutually provide the necessary narcissistic supply. When both partners are of the same type, competition for attention and admiration often leads to conflict and prevents intimacy, ultimately resulting in the relationship's collapse. The dynamic between dissimilar narcissists allows for a complementary relationship where each partner admires the other's strengths, creating a virtuous cycle of gratification. However, as they age and lose their primary sources of narcissistic supply, the relationship may face challenges, yet they can still rely on shared memories to maintain their bond.


Narcissist's Insignificant Other: Typical Spouse or Intimate Partner

Living with a narcissist can be exhilarating, but it is always onerous and often harrowing. Surviving a relationship with a narcissist, maintaining a relationship, preserving it, insisting on remaining with a narcissist, indicates therefore the parameters of the personality of the victim, of the partner, of the spouse. The partner, the spouse, and the mate of a narcissist who insists on remaining in the relationship and preserving it is molded by it into the typical narcissistic mate, spouse, or partner. The two, the narcissist and his spouse, collaborate in this dance macabre.


Why Narcissist Devalues YOU (Hint: Wants YOU "Dead")

Narcissists devalue their partners as a form of self-defense and control. There are two types of devaluation: preemptive and reactive. Preemptive devaluation occurs when a narcissist is in a transitional state between overt and covert narcissism, and they devalue potential sources of supply to prevent the overt side from using them against the covert side. Reactive devaluation is a response to a perceived threat to the narcissist's grandiosity or control. Both types of devaluation are harmful to the victim and serve to maintain the narcissist's sense of power and control.


How Narcissist Sees YOU

The narcissist perceives others, including intimate partners, as extensions of themselves rather than as separate individuals, leading to a distorted view of relationships. Initially, they idealize their partner, but as reality sets in and the partner deviates from this ideal, the narcissist shifts to blame and resentment, viewing them as the source of their problems. This blame-shifting is coupled with a victim mentality, where the narcissist sees themselves as innocent and the partner as manipulative, leading to a toxic dynamic filled with projection and gaslighting. Ultimately, the narcissist's inability to accept the partner's autonomy and their own flaws results in a cycle of devaluation and potential discard, as they struggle with their own unresolved childhood traumas.


When Narcissists Become Codependents

Living with a narcissist can be harrowing, and the partner of the narcissist is often molded into the typical narcissist mate, partner, or spouse. The partner must have a deficient or distorted grasp of herself and of reality, and the cognitive distortion of the partner of the narcissist is likely to consist of belittling and demeaning herself while aggrandizing and adoring the narcissist. The narcissist is perceived by the partner to be a person in the position to demand these sacrifices from her. The breakup of the relationship with the narcissist is emotionally charged and is the culmination of a long chain of humiliations and subjugation.


Narcissist: Destructive Envy and Romantic Jealousy

Envy is a compounded emotion brought on by the realization of some lack or deficiency in oneself. Narcissists cope with their pathological envy by either subsuming the object of envy via imitation or destroying it. The most dangerous species of narcissists are those who derive contentment from their own humiliation and end up driving the objects of their own devotion and accumulation to destruction and decrepititude. Romantic jealousy is a narcissistic defense that reflects the narcissistic traits and behaviors of possessiveness, objectification, and treating the spouse as an extension of oneself.


Signs Narcissist About to Discard, Devalue You

In a narcissist's mind, the sequence of idealization, discard, and devaluation is reversed compared to their behavior in reality. They idealize their partner, then emotionally discard them in their mind, and finally devalue them to justify the discard. However, in reality, they must devalue their partner before discarding them to keep them around for the devaluation process. This discrepancy occurs because the narcissist needs their partner to be present during the devaluation phase, which wouldn't be possible if they discarded them immediately after idealization.


Narcissists Hate Children and Envy Them

Narcissists hate children because they envy them. Children's feigned innocence, manipulation, and lack of empathy are disarming in their directness. Narcissists see children as both mirrors and competitors, reflecting their constant need for adulation and attention. Children are loved by mothers, which makes narcissists jealous and infuriated by their deprivation. Narcissists hate children for being them.


Giving Narcissist Second Chance

Narcissists do not provide closure in relationships and will stalk, cajole, beg, promise, persuade, and ultimately succeed in doing the impossible to get you back. The narcissist will cast all interactions with you in terms of conflicts or competitions to be won. If you have resumed contact because you are manifestly dependent on the narcissist financially or emotionally, the narcissist will pounce on your frailty and exploit your fragility to the maximum. Ultimately, the narcissist will write the inevitable cycle of idealization and devaluation.


Money: Narcissist's License to Abuse

Money is a love substitute for the narcissist, allowing them to be their corrupt selves and buy absolution, forgiveness, and acceptance. It is a license to sin and a permit to be unmitigated self. Money liberates the mind of the narcissist, allowing them to concentrate on attaining the desired position on top. The narcissist is addicted to money because it is the freedom not to behave in a way that is unbearable to them in the long run.

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