Narcissist: Intimacy or Sex - Never Both (ENGLISH responses)

Uploaded 3/10/2020, approx. 4 minute read

I also feel a love for anyone I love as great an artist.

About a year ago a British artist had taken grey books on doctoral school cars.

The reason a cerebral narcissist will initiate sex with his partner, which is quite rare, is if he has reached a conclusion that he's about to lose her.

It's a reflection of abandonment anxiety or anticipatory loss anxiety.

He thinks there are signs that he may lose her. She found a man and it's more than sex. Something going on there, which is much more than sex.

So this is what we call reclaimed sex.

Reclaimed sex is sex intended to reclaim, to take back the partner and so he does.

I did it quite a few times. He does and then the partner comes and the partner comes. There is intimacy. It's a partner. It's not a stranger. It's much easier for the cerebral to do it with a stranger.

But with a partner, there's intimacy. There's common history. There are experiences. There are expectations. There are hopes and dreams and talks and there's a life together.

And in the cerebral's mind and the somatic's mind, actually the narcissist's mind, intimacy is the antidote to sex.

And that's why narcissists in sex dehumanize and objectify the partner, which is one of the main reasons they gravitate to be DSM and so on.

So he cannot dehumanize and objectify, for example, his wife because they have a lot together. It's a lot of work to dehumanize and objectify the wife. He has to overcome a lot more. He has to overcome his memories, his initial emotions. It's a mess.

So intimacy puts a damper on the sex. It reduces the sex, sexual drive. The minute she enters the bed, it's an intimate situation. The sex is gone. It's not fear of intimacy. There's many, many narcissists ironically seek intimacy, want intimacy, dream about intimacy. It's not fear of intimacy.

But it's the fact that intimacy and sex are so detached in the narcissist's mind that they had come to negate each other.

The narcissist has what Freud called at the time the Madonna horror complex.

So a woman can be a saint, untouchable, sex would dirty her. Sex is dirty, so you don't do it filthy. You don't do it with a sacred woman, so you do it only with prostitutes.

So if he wants to have sex with his wife in this scenario that you have described, he has to prostitute her.

So some cerebelli try to do that. So when the wife would come to bed, it's not that they would lose their sex. They would lose the sex drive, but they would make demands which would prostitute the woman, convert her into a prostitute.

And there many women would say, no, oh, it would be.

So also there is a severe problem of sexual communication between the cerebral and his partner.

The cerebral hides a lot, is ashamed of a lot. And the partner is intolerant and not willing to accept the role, for example, of a slut.

The French have a saying, the best woman is a cook in the kitchen and a whore in bed.

Unfortunately with the cerebral, very often he ends up with a whore in the kitchen and a cook in bed.

So that's a bit of a problem.

The problem in Nancy's relationship in everything, not only sex, is extremely dishonest communication about who they are, what they want, when they want it, when it's going to stop, why it's going to stop. They never honestly communicate, partly because they are afraid to lose the partner and partly because it's beneath them. They don't need to give explanation to anyone. I am who I am. Take it or leave it. My way or the highway, this kind of thing. Dishonest communication is at the core of many, many of the sexual traumas and relationship traumas that both sides go through, including the narcissists.

Narcissists have sequences of relationships which end extremely dramatically with conspicuous cheating or by the partner or with breakups which are very painful and aggressive.

And because of that, because the partner has led to develop expectations and hopes and dreams based on statements or implied statements or behaviors that are not real, that are temporary or fake or it's very misleading.

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Adulterous, Unfaithful Narcissists: Why Cheat and have Extramarital Affairs?

Narcissists cheat on their spouses for several reasons. Firstly, they require a constant supply of attention, admiration, and regulation to regulate their unstable sense of self-worth. Secondly, they are easily bored and require sexual conquests to alleviate this. Thirdly, they maintain an island of stability in their life surrounded by chaos and instability. Fourthly, they feel entitled to anything and everything and reject social conventions. Fifthly, they feel that being married reduces them to the lowest common denominator. Sixthly, they are control freaks and initiate other relationships to reassert control. Finally, they are terrified of intimacy and adultery is an excellent tool to suppress it.

Why Narcissist Devalues YOU (Hint: Wants YOU "Dead")

Narcissists devalue their partners as a form of self-defense and control. There are two types of devaluation: preemptive and reactive. Preemptive devaluation occurs when a narcissist is in a transitional state between overt and covert narcissism, and they devalue potential sources of supply to prevent the overt side from using them against the covert side. Reactive devaluation is a response to a perceived threat to the narcissist's grandiosity or control. Both types of devaluation are harmful to the victim and serve to maintain the narcissist's sense of power and control.

Your Role in Narcissist’s Shared Fantasy is Why He Hates You (hint: you make him feel himself – and human)

In summary, the narcissist's intimate partner plays a crucial role in the shared fantasy by fulfilling the roles of admirer, playmate, and mother. This allows the narcissist to experience maximal grandiosity and feel safe enough to separate and individuate. However, the intimate partner's presence also leads to the narcissist's self-hatred and inability to maintain meaningful communication with both the outside world and himself. The intimate partner ultimately becomes a threat to the narcissist, as they make the narcissist feel human, which is something the narcissist does not want to be.

Breaking Through the Narcissist's Indifference by Becoming a Psychop

Narcissists have three essential demands from their partner: sex, supply, and services. If the partner provides any two of these three, the narcissist is pacified and ignores her. The partner needs to escalate, dramatize, and render herself unpredictable to attract the narcissist's attention. As our civilization becomes more narcissistic, both men and women adopt and emulate grandiose psychopathic men as role models, gurus, and guiding lights. The situation is so bad that many people are choosing simply to stay alone, to remain single in the fullest sense of the word.

Narcissist Frustrates Women with Ostentatious Fidelity

Narcissists, particularly cerebral narcissists, often frustrate women who are attracted to them by withholding sex or teasing them. This is because they are misogynists who hold women in contempt and fear them. They divide women into saints and whores, and view sex and intimacy as mutually exclusive. The narcissist's frustrating behavior serves to secure a narcissistic supply and reenact unresolved conflicts with their mother. They pathologize women to control them and project their own parasitic behavior onto them.

Narcissist's Partner Reacts to Narcissist's Sexuality (ENGLISH responses)

Partners of narcissists often deny the signs of their sexual behavior, which can be pretty open, including consuming pornography, having lovers, and trying to convince their partner to participate in threesomes and group sex. The rejection of the narcissist's sexual practices by the partner is often a weapon used against the narcissist in arguments, rather than a genuine issue. The rejection of the narcissist's needs by the partner is a great pity and a great obstacle to the relationship, and partners should sit back and consider what they are willing to do and what they are not willing to do.

Narcissists Hate Women, Misogynists

Narcissists view women as objects and use them for both primary and secondary narcissistic supply. They fear emotional intimacy and treat women as property, similar to the mindset of European males in the 18th century. Narcissists frustrate women by teasing them and then leaving them, and they hold women in contempt, choosing submissive partners whom they disdain for being below their intellectual level. The narcissist projects his own behavior and traits onto women.

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Narcissists are incapable of true love, but they do experience some emotion which they insist is love. Narcissists love their significant others as long as they continue to provide them with attention, or narcissistic supply. There are two types of narcissistic love: one type loves others as one would get attached to objects, while the other type abhors monotony and constancy, seeking instability, chaos, upheaval, drama, and change. In the narcissist's world, mature love is nowhere to be seen, and their so-called love is fear of losing control and hatred of the very people on whom their personality depends.

Narcissist's Insignificant Other: Typical Spouse or Intimate Partner

Living with a narcissist can be exhilarating, but it is always onerous and often harrowing. Surviving a relationship with a narcissist, maintaining a relationship, preserving it, insisting on remaining with a narcissist, indicates therefore the parameters of the personality of the victim, of the partner, of the spouse. The partner, the spouse, and the mate of a narcissist who insists on remaining in the relationship and preserving it is molded by it into the typical narcissistic mate, spouse, or partner. The two, the narcissist and his spouse, collaborate in this dance macabre.

How Narcissist Snapshots YOU to Bad Object

The narcissist hates and needs you, and he internalizes and converts you into a bad object. This process is called snapshotting, and it involves creating an internal object that represents you and interacting with it. The narcissist's state of mind is that of a two-year-old, and he experiences his overpowering need for you as love, but it's actually hate. The narcissist's reactions to manufactured bad objects include anger, depression, and schizoid withdrawal states. The narcissist's psychosexuality is influenced by the schizoid state, leading to sexlessness and abusive transactional relationships. The narcissist's behavior in all relationships, including business and friendships, follows a similar pattern of grooming, devaluation, discard, and replacement.

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