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Narcissist: Intimacy or Sex - Never Both (ENGLISH responses)

Uploaded 3/10/2020, approx. 4 minute read

I also feel a love for anyone I love as great an artist.

About a year ago a British artist had taken grey books on doctoral school cars.

The reason a cerebral narcissist will initiate sex with his partner, which is quite rare, is if he has reached a conclusion that he's about to lose her.

It's a reflection of abandonment anxiety or anticipatory loss anxiety.

He thinks there are signs that he may lose her. She found a man and it's more than sex. Something going on there, which is much more than sex.

So this is what we call reclaimed sex.

Reclaimed sex is sex intended to reclaim, to take back the partner and so he does.

I did it quite a few times. He does and then the partner comes and the partner comes. There is intimacy. It's a partner. It's not a stranger. It's much easier for the cerebral to do it with a stranger.

But with a partner, there's intimacy. There's common history. There are experiences. There are expectations. There are hopes and dreams and talks and there's a life together.

And in the cerebral's mind and the somatic's mind, actually the narcissist's mind, intimacy is the antidote to sex.

And that's why narcissists in sex dehumanize and objectify the partner, which is one of the main reasons they gravitate to be DSM and so on.

So he cannot dehumanize and objectify, for example, his wife because they have a lot together. It's a lot of work to dehumanize and objectify the wife. He has to overcome a lot more. He has to overcome his memories, his initial emotions. It's a mess.

So intimacy puts a damper on the sex. It reduces the sex, sexual drive. The minute she enters the bed, it's an intimate situation. The sex is gone. It's not fear of intimacy. There's many, many narcissists ironically seek intimacy, want intimacy, dream about intimacy. It's not fear of intimacy.

But it's the fact that intimacy and sex are so detached in the narcissist's mind that they had come to negate each other.

The narcissist has what Freud called at the time the Madonna horror complex.

So a woman can be a saint, untouchable, sex would dirty her. Sex is dirty, so you don't do it filthy. You don't do it with a sacred woman, so you do it only with prostitutes.

So if he wants to have sex with his wife in this scenario that you have described, he has to prostitute her.

So some cerebelli try to do that. So when the wife would come to bed, it's not that they would lose their sex. They would lose the sex drive, but they would make demands which would prostitute the woman, convert her into a prostitute.

And there many women would say, no, oh, it would be.

So also there is a severe problem of sexual communication between the cerebral and his partner.

The cerebral hides a lot, is ashamed of a lot. And the partner is intolerant and not willing to accept the role, for example, of a slut.

The French have a saying, the best woman is a cook in the kitchen and a whore in bed.

Unfortunately with the cerebral, very often he ends up with a whore in the kitchen and a cook in bed.

So that's a bit of a problem.


The problem in Nancy's relationship in everything, not only sex, is extremely dishonest communication about who they are, what they want, when they want it, when it's going to stop, why it's going to stop. They never honestly communicate, partly because they are afraid to lose the partner and partly because it's beneath them. They don't need to give explanation to anyone. I am who I am. Take it or leave it. My way or the highway, this kind of thing. Dishonest communication is at the core of many, many of the sexual traumas and relationship traumas that both sides go through, including the narcissists.

Narcissists have sequences of relationships which end extremely dramatically with conspicuous cheating or by the partner or with breakups which are very painful and aggressive.

And because of that, because the partner has led to develop expectations and hopes and dreams based on statements or implied statements or behaviors that are not real, that are temporary or fake or it's very misleading.

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