Well, a partner can keep her eyes open. That's all it takes.
And the problem is not that there are no signs of the narcissist's sexual behavior.
Problem is the partner denies the signs.
A narcissist pretty openly consumes pornography, masturbates in the bedroom, in the shower, in the toilet. The narcissist openly has lovers, openly...
He very often tries to convince his partner to participate in threesomes and group sex.
So it's pretty open, but the partner prefers to deny.
I don't understand why a partner would not accept the majority of these practices.
I understand some practices may be a turn-off. Some practices may be unacceptable on moral grounds and so on.
But honestly, the vast majority of kinky practices involve only the narcissist and his partner, and with a little effort, are pretty acceptable.
So I strongly suspect the sexual arguments between narcissist and partner, and the rejection of the narcissist by the partner, and the rejection, the criticism and the abhorrence of the narcissist's sexual practices by the partner, is simply a weapon that the partner uses against the narcissist.
I don't think it's really about the sex. It's about you see how disgusting you are, you see what a sick man you are, I approve it to you. Your sex proves that you're sick.
So it's like a weapon in the arguments. It's not real. They're not really discussing the sex.
And that's a great pity.
There, I blame the partners, not the narcissist.
The narcissist has his needs.
So if the narcissist comes to the partner and say, would you mind having a threesome with another man? Of course, you can say no.
But partly it's legitimate and understandable.
But if he comes to her and says, would you mind kissing my feet when we're having sex? I mean, really, is that a deal breaker? Is that something to, you know?
But women react to the most...
I'm saying women, because we still have this...
We still have this stigma that most narcissists are men.
It's no longer true. Half and half, half a woman, half a man.
But, okay, let's continue with men.
So, because men are more accepting. Men are more accepting.
Actually, majority of men reported in studies that they are very excited when their women are flirting with another man and even had sex with another man. They found it sexually arousing. So men are much more open to...
And many men have fantasies of having threesome with their woman and another man. So men are much more open to...
So that's really why there's no point in talking about men.
But women, you know, they reject...
Every suggestion that comes from a narcissist, simply because it comes from a narcissist. Not on the merits of the case, you know?
And it's a great pity and a great obstacle and a great destruction of the relationship, because if a narcissist were to be reasonably satisfied with his kinky needs and so on and so forth, in the relationship, it would have helped to some...
That is the narcissist that comes and asks for it, because majority of narcissists would never ask for it because of what we discussed.
They regard the woman as a Madonna, not to be...
But imagine the narcissist finally decided to talk to his partner, you know?
The reaction in the majority of cases is utter and total rejection with criticism, with...
She's really the partner's fault 100%.
For a change, the narcissist is doing something right, communicating his needs honestly for a change.
He is right in this situation, not the partner.
And I think partners would do well to sit back and say, what am I willing to do and what am I not willing to do? What I find, what's the red line and what's not the red line? And I think they will discover that many things that, from the beginning, look actually nothing much, nothing serious, you know?
It can be done without any big problem.
Baby steps gradually, narcissists can be satisfied inside the bond, inside the relationship, inside the commitment.
They will have little reason to look around.
That's true for every couple on every issue, insects.
It's not only narcissist and his partner.
In case of narcissists, it's extreme because narcissist is highly unique and specific, idiosyncratic needs, not normal needs.
So it's a little like living with someone with a disability.
You know, imagine you live with someone with disabilities.
I am not pushing your wheelchair.
I am not touching your wheelchair.
What would you think of a woman like this who says to her husband, what do we pledge in a wheelchair?
I am not touching this wheelchair. It's disgusting.
The narcissist is someone with disabilities.
One of his disabilities is his sexual predilections.
If you're truly his partner, he will listen, he will talk, he will negotiate, he will agree.