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BDSM and Role Play are not Narcissism (ENGLISH responses)

Uploaded 3/10/2020, approx. 12 minute read

My name is Sam Vaknin, and I am the author of a new treatment modality called Cold Therapy.

I am the author of a new treatment modality called Cold Therapy.

I am the author of a new treatment modality called Cold Therapy.

I know that many of you have felt that I have been fortunate, and I had better experience discipline, domination, submission, sadism, and mazohi, sabagworkeb, zatraviditer.

Moyaar wurkut zesh fadi al mazohi zesh dominanti, ola avete chegesh sadism, mazohi zhmoosh, fogal makatiyal wur.

Korabon etservy an sadomazohi zhmoosh nakihftak.

Obedie shem, oyaan sexualis, vishal kadesh formaguyutu neve, ojo sexualis, eel vezat kal te shetsi zhos serapiati, og bansesho shegesh an el valik, ozirani to ishas ola arenda et cetera.

Et seraplye oz octiv utta sheta shokat odo ur, dom, vod urne domino, mistres, isha possifsemba do sorga o sab.

Switch nakos na vezuk, oki to dom domino isha sop serapish kialigit, te hate ho ola arendat, niho irani to felat tesh tashit mak.

Oz eel vezatet, vod nami eel vezatet, itto faidolom oda so ish el vishal isha, oki sorgat oto cheg megolazo cheg erzata, ish mash hos nol o erzal mak irani tia genereiak, om ek ben chok reis ben vod etia toranem kop serapitonami octus.

Obeidie shemei utleta kat, rist pabuk sean skent emlagatik, om ina kos servesh reisas sokotlani ofetishizum ush, isha kulun bezu serapiati kokal mazasha ish.

I an kornam mindig wan eel na faidolom oko zaso, onem ossituati og communikati o, eel anem zuena su bech meerle shero ba se lung, i lefta bizon yos onyagok, tippi kushon, latex, bur, gumi, vod maz, ish oz og kesu, truhak, vod bizon yos tardia, perdaul, oishonemu, tzippu, chismu, sexuali, shaggy, deskuz, isha tla gatestri sakpusta erintesha, shimu gatashowati oki anem iizgolmat.

Vivel obeidie shemei semberonem ioktushol, ola peshat ben, namatesti kop chorat reiweno kos kia legulest, nodion edie niek ozekowadio kish abrandok.

Buon dolomaz ola fule reindel che gesha hyeror hiyomiyoto, ein epsaru abidie shemon artisti kusho kureben.

Kirlak sama sheri sleta sannaror hoy miena kop siho logiyo ihatere.

It depends critically on the type of BDSM practice.

In proper BDSM, there is actually no dominance of submission.

The parties are partners.

They negotiate a role play, like theater, where one of them plays the submissive.

One of them plays the dominant.

The submissive has a lot of say.

She can stop the, I'm saying sheThe submissive has a lot of say. She can stop the act. She can direct the act. She can say don't do this, do this. She can, so in typical BDSM, because there are extreme forms of BDSM, like surrender, like I'm not talking about this.

But in typical BDSM, the BDSM, by the way, that is practiced by 15%, one 5% of adult population in America, in the United States. It's much more common than people know.

So in this type of BDSM, it's accepted that the bottom, the sub has equal power to the top, sometimes more.

And because there is this equipotence, there's no really question of control or dominance. It's a question of partnership, negotiation, and the joy of making a movie.

And in this movie, each actor, of course, takes the part that fits his character and gives him the maximum pleasure.

I don't think, for example, I would like to, if I participated in a movie, I don't think I would like to have been an athlete. I don't think it'll give me much pleasure.

But I would love to play a professor at the university.

It's the same, when I come to a submissive, I'm a dom, come to a submissive. That's what makes her tick, gives her pleasure, gives me pleasure.


And moreover, switching. Switching is when dom becomes sub, sub becomes dom.

Very common, in about 40% of cases, 40% of incidents, 40% of sex acts, BDSM sex acts, there is switching.

Many doms like to experience submission. And it's less common with submissives. Subs less commonly become doms, but doms pretty often become subs.

So there is this element of switching as well.

And finally, depends crucially on context and circumstances.

You can be a dom, and suddenly you find a partner, and with that partner, your sub, not dom. So it's not rigid, not structured, not in the genes, not in the, it's a role play, negotiated, and so on.

In this sense, BDSM does not fit narcissists. Narcissists do not like to negotiate. They hate to be with equal power, equipotence.

And they definitely don't adhere to any contracts and agreements, and what.

And they also hate to invest themselves, to have to think, what am I doing, does it give her pleasure?

Narcissists don't care if they give pleasure to someone. They are autoerotic, they are focused on themselves as the source of erotic pleasure. They must debate with other people's bodies, end of story. So narcissists will be very bad in BDSM, actually.

However, many practices are subsumed under BDSM, which actually have little to do with classic BDSM. And these are extreme forms of BDSM, and there the narcissist finds pleasure.

This is the BDSM, for example, BDSM which is the kind of kink that involves humiliation that gives a narcissist pleasure because of humiliation. There is element here of dominance, converting the woman to a prostitute, humiliating her, punishing her.

Narciss is the outcome of a woman who tortured him.

He wants to punish all women, he's a misogynist, he hates women.

So humiliation BDSM will work.

Violent BDSM, choking, nipple pinching, I mean, this kind of things would appeal to a narcissist, absolutely.

The kinds of activities that involve body fluids and body secretions and body, that's, as I said, because a narcissist is still largely a baby, still a child. So this would appeal to him, and especially if this can be done to someone.

This would appeal to him.

The female in the couple, if the narcissist is a male, the female in the couple represents the narcissist himself, represents the side of him that he suppressed and represents all the women who have wronged him, starting with his mother.

So it's a combination.

When he humiliates or subjugates or hurts, physically hurts a woman, he's doing it to the part of him that he wants to suppress, but also to all the women who wronged him.

That's why narcissists within these scenes are dangerous, actually. They don't know where to stop. They are, they're very, they become very, they lose it. They become violent, dangerous.

Proper practitioners of BDSM are balanced people. They know when to stop, when to start. They are totally in self control.

They are, I told you that studies that we conducted in the last ten years discovered that people who practice BDSM are happier, happier, and more mentally healthy than the general population. Not less, more, and happier.

Consequently, in 2013, the committee of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual removed BDSM from the DSM.


But the narcissist doesn't practice BDSM. He borrows, borrows techniques from BDSM. He borrows instruments, tools. He borrows from BDSM and makes it his own BDSM.

Like he does with everything else, by the way.

The narcissist is never happy with what exists, it has to be his way. His way, or the highway.

So, he borrows from BDSM, and then he creates his own BDSM universe. Which is very often risky, and, and, and so on.

And yes, within this universe, it's intended to punish women, humiliate them, punish via humiliation usually, but also violence very often. And intended to punish the feminine side of himself, which he resents and rejects, and, and so on.

So, narcissist would be extreme homophobes, for example. Narcissist would, you know, attack homosexuals, and so on.

Because they are latent homosexuals. They are latent homosexuals because they are autoerotic. They're in love with the men, themselves.

And so, you cease.

Narcissist's sexuality is a mess. You can't unfortunately categorize it. It's a mess.

So, effectively, when he humiliates a woman, subjugates her, dominates her, controls her, and finally hurts her, physically, wounds her, chokes her. I mean, steps on her, whatever.

Thisin effectis a homosexual act. It doesn't look like it, because he's interacting with a woman.

But he is actually denying his feminine part, so that he can be left only with his male part, with whom he is in love.

He's making love to himself by killing the woman's side.

Eliminating the woman's side.

These are all, in other words, not sex acts. They are rituals. These are rituals. It's very ritualized.

And that's why narcissists are very attached to external things.

Like specific fabrics, or latex, or specific shoes.

And narcissists are very, very particular.

A typical fetishist, for example, he likes feet, let's say, feet fetishes.

Foot fetishes. He would be not so choosy.

A foot is a foot.

Yeah, he likes this kind of foot. That kind of foot, but generally, he likes feet.

Not a narcissist.

Narcissists, we have a highly specific foot.

They are very extremely detailed in their demands. They would go hours, days, months, until they find the right, right woman, body part, object. They would invest huge inordinate amounts of, in micromanaging, and orchestrating, and directing the scene.

And if you deviate from the scene, they will go ballistic. They will become furious, and so on.

So why?

Because it's a ritual. It's a religious ritual.

Try to go to the Catholic Church and talk during Mass. I mean, it's very religious, the whole thing.

Narcissus sexuality is part of his religion, which is one God, the full self, one worshipper, the narcissist. The sex is part of this religion.

When he brings the woman, it's a human sacrifice. He sacrifices the woman to his God.

And indeed, narcissistic sexual acts in this context of BDSM. They look a lot like human sacrifice.

If you think about it, there's sometimes blood, sometimes tying up. It's a lot like, I mean, bordering on human sacrifice in many cases.

Even when the narcissist engages in innocent things, theoretically, like fetishes with bras or food fetish or whatever, even then he would ritualize the whole thing to have very, very powerful religious overtones. So he would, for example, prefer goddess worship with fit, not just fit. He would introduce religious elements.

This, I cannot emphasize enough.

Narcissism is not a mental health disorder in the classic sense. It's a religion.

And to understand anything of narcissists, including their sexuality, you must think religious.

Of course, there's a lot of sexuality in Christianity, if you look at it. And a lot of BDSM in Christianity.

Many of the Martyrs and the Saints, they went through BDSM practices, sexual practices.

And there's a lot of, so it's an example of a religion with strong, very powerful sexual, sexually emphasized elements, including homosexual emphasized elements.

And I mentioned Christianity just as an example. I can mention any other religion.

And the same with the narcissist.

He has a highly private religion within which he worships, also via sex. And he has to sacrifice human sacrifices.

So women come handy, because that way he can punish them.

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