Sex and Narcissistic Supply: Cerebral, Somatic, and YOU!

Uploaded 6/9/2012, approx. 4 minute read

I am Sam Vaknin, and I am the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited.

The psychosexuality of all types of narcissists, cerebral and somatic alike, involves the objectification and interchangeability of intimate partners.

Narcissists are polyamorous, they are autoerotic, quite a few of them have comorbid sexual paraphilias, in other words, they are sexually deviant.

This rebel narcissist aims to stabilize the flow of narcissistic supply by suppressing his sexual predilections and orientation, and thus by rendering himself asexual.

The somatic narcissist, on the other hand, aims to secure an uninterrupted flow of narcissistic supply by indulging his sexual preferences with multiple partners.

The cerebral narcissist relies on his source of secondary narcissistic supply, in other words, normally on his spouse, to regulate his supply and to compensate for the inevitable fluctuations in both quantity and quality of primary supply.

But few spouses would willingly participate in threesomes, swinging ogis and bruxex, towards which the cerebral narcissist and somatic narcissist naturally gravitate.

So the cerebral narcissist is forced to sacrifice his sexuality to ensure the longevity of his gratifying and exclusive relationship with his source of secondary supply with his spouse.

If he discloses his sexuality, if he acts on it, he is likely to lose his spouse, his marriage gradually becomes sexless, without sex, devoid of any sexual overtones, undertones, let alone activities.

To compensate for this glaring lack, this rebel narcissist turns unto himself, he becomes auto-erotic, he fantasizes as he masturbates with varying frequency. His sex life is reduced to the consumption of pornography and role-playing in online forums dedicated to such things.

But this, of course, is a dreary substitute for a full-fledged sex life. And it's not as satisfying.

So as frustration mounts in both members of the couple, so do aggression and hostility. There is a sense of waste and dysphoria, depression.

But the cerebral narcissist would rather hurt his mate by withholding sex from her than lose her altogether, which would be the ineluctable consequence of him being true to his sexual self.

The question arises, why doesn't the cerebral narcissist team up with an intimate partner who does share his inclinations and who would be happy to act on his fantasies?

The answer is because such a partner cannot be relied on to be faithful, constant and consistent. And this is the cerebral narcissist predicament.

Intimate partners who are compatible with his sexual urges and fantasies are useless as stable, long-term sources of secondary supply. They are bound to be unfaithful. They are bound to disappear on him.

Intimate partners who can be realized to provide secondary narcissistic supply on a regular basis are likely to be sexually incompatible with the cerebral narcissist's desires, urges, sexual wishes and fantasies.

This stratagem of course is self-defeating. The cerebral narcissist partner ultimately does abandon him, starved as she is for sex and intimacy and resentful of being the target of his repeated pent-up aggression.

As far as the cerebral narcissist is concerned, being abandoned also serves as a kind of masochistic self-punishment.

So narcissistic supply and sexuality are inversely related in the cerebral narcissist's mind. He can have either or, but not both.

When narcissistic supply, primary or secondary, is low, he resorts to rampant sex as he hunts for his next stable source of narcissistic supply and as he seeks to make up for lost time. When the flow of supply has been reconstituted, the cerebral narcissist reverts almost immediately and automatically to his sexual hibernation.

To the cerebral narcissist, the sex act constitutes low-grade narcissistic supply, a mere stopgap measure and a necessary evil in the capture and captivation of his future intimate partner.

The somatic narcissist is simply the mirror image of his cerebral brother. To the somatic narcissist, sex, sexual prowess, carnal exploits and a string of conquests. Sex is narcissistic supply.

The somatic narcissist sexuality however non-conformist or even deviant is the only stable found of the narcissistic supply that he needs to regulate his sense of self-worth.

The somatic narcissist actually seeks out and selects partners who are labile, volatile, erratic, fleeting, adventurous and unstable as he switches between multiple sexual objects of infatuation.

The somatic flaunts his sexuality and thus knowingly gives up on a stable, long-lasting, long-term relationship.

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Narcissist Frustrates Women with Ostentatious Fidelity

Narcissists, particularly cerebral narcissists, often frustrate women who are attracted to them by withholding sex or teasing them. This is because they are misogynists who hold women in contempt and fear them. They divide women into saints and whores, and view sex and intimacy as mutually exclusive. The narcissist's frustrating behavior serves to secure a narcissistic supply and reenact unresolved conflicts with their mother. They pathologize women to control them and project their own parasitic behavior onto them.

Somatic Narcissist: Not Sex, But Pursuit and Conquest

Somatic narcissists derive their narcissistic supply from the process of securing sex, rather than the act itself. They are often health freaks, bodybuilders, or hypochondriacs, and regard their bodies as objects to be sculpted and honed. The cerebral narcissist, on the other hand, is haughty and uses their intellect or knowledge to secure admiration. Both types are auto-erotic and prefer masturbation to interactive sex. It is a mistake to assume type constancy, as the narcissist swings between their dominant and recessive types.

Narcissists Hate Women, Misogynists

Narcissists view women as objects and use them for both primary and secondary narcissistic supply. They fear emotional intimacy and treat women as property, similar to the mindset of European males in the 18th century. Narcissists frustrate women by teasing them and then leaving them, and they hold women in contempt, choosing submissive partners whom they disdain for being below their intellectual level. The narcissist projects his own behavior and traits onto women.

Why Narcissist Devalues YOU (Hint: Wants YOU "Dead")

Narcissists devalue their partners as a form of self-defense and control. There are two types of devaluation: preemptive and reactive. Preemptive devaluation occurs when a narcissist is in a transitional state between overt and covert narcissism, and they devalue potential sources of supply to prevent the overt side from using them against the covert side. Reactive devaluation is a response to a perceived threat to the narcissist's grandiosity or control. Both types of devaluation are harmful to the victim and serve to maintain the narcissist's sense of power and control.

Narcissist: No Sex, please, I am Cerebral!

Narcissists are autoerotic and prefer masturbation to sex. They view women with contempt and seek to torment them. The cerebral narcissist is often celibate and prefers pornography and sexual auto-stimulation to the real thing. They are afraid of encounters with the opposite sex and are even more afraid of emotional involvement or commitment that they fancy themselves prone to develop following a sexual encounter.

Why Cerebral Narcissist Chooses YOU

Cerebral narcissists choose sexually incompatible partners for six reasons: 1) to maintain a morally superior victim stance, 2) to test their partner's unconditional love and allegiance, 3) to control their partner through guilt and shame, 4) to legitimize their defiance and contempt for their partner, 5) to forgive their partner and feel like a benevolent figure, and 6) to give their partner freedom while maintaining their own schizoid lifestyle. Cerebral narcissists are repelled by physicality and only engage in sex when hunting for a new partner to embed in a shared fantasy.

Two Narcissists in a Couple

Two narcissists of the same type cannot maintain a stable, long-term, full-fledged and functional relationship. Two narcissists of different types or opposing types can, often do, maintain long-term, stable and rather happy relationships. There are two main types of narcissists, somatic and cerebral. The somatic type of narcissist relies on his body and sexuality to generate attention, adulation and admiration, while the cerebral narcissist leverages his intellect, his intelligence and his professional achievements to obtain the same. Stable and enduring relationships can and often do develop between dissimilar narcissists.

Narcissist: Women as Sluttish Huntresses or Sexless Saints

Heterosexual narcissists desire women but are frustrated by their inability to interact with them meaningfully. They hate women virulently, passionately, and uncompromisingly, and their hate is primal, irrational, and the progeny of mortal fear and sustained abuse in early childhood. Narcissists are infinitely pessimistic, bare-tempered, paranoid, and sadistic, and their daily routine is a rigmarole of threats, complaints, hurts, eruptions, moodiness, and rage. They are their own worst enemy and cannot conceive of life in one place with one set of people, doing the same thing in the same field with one goal within a decades-old game plan or career path or relationship.

Narcissist's Sexual Identities (ENGLISH responses)

Narcissists lack an ego and have no reality test, so they rely on other people to provide them with narcissistic supply. The cerebral narcissist uses their intellect to obtain supply, while the somatic narcissist uses their body and sex. However, all narcissists are both cerebral and somatic, with a dominant and recessive side. The dominant side is usually 70-80% of their life, but there is fluctuation between the two types. Narcissists are frozen at a young age and have no sexual or gender identity, leading to infantilization and reaction formation to their own sexuality.

Cope with Somatic Narcissist's Infidelity

Narcissists who are somatic tend to have extramarital affairs as it sustains their grandiose fantasies and unrealistic self-image. It is difficult to alter this behavior, so setting up strict rules of engagement is necessary. If you insist on staying with a somatic narcissist, you must be prepared to serve as a source of narcissistic supply, which is an onerous task. If you find it difficult to confront the fact that your relationship is over, seek help from professionals and friends.

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