Sex and Narcissistic Supply: Cerebral, Somatic, and YOU!

Uploaded 6/9/2012, approx. 4 minute read

I am Sam Vaknin, and I am the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited.

The psychosexuality of all types of narcissists, cerebral and somatic alike, involves the objectification and interchangeability of intimate partners.

Narcissists are polyamorous, they are autoerotic, quite a few of them have comorbid sexual paraphilias, in other words, they are sexually deviant.

This rebel narcissist aims to stabilize the flow of narcissistic supply by suppressing his sexual predilections and orientation, and thus by rendering himself asexual.

The somatic narcissist, on the other hand, aims to secure an uninterrupted flow of narcissistic supply by indulging his sexual preferences with multiple partners.

The cerebral narcissist relies on his source of secondary narcissistic supply, in other words, normally on his spouse, to regulate his supply and to compensate for the inevitable fluctuations in both quantity and quality of primary supply.

But few spouses would willingly participate in threesomes, swinging ogis and bruxex, towards which the cerebral narcissist and somatic narcissist naturally gravitate.

So the cerebral narcissist is forced to sacrifice his sexuality to ensure the longevity of his gratifying and exclusive relationship with his source of secondary supply with his spouse.

If he discloses his sexuality, if he acts on it, he is likely to lose his spouse, his marriage gradually becomes sexless, without sex, devoid of any sexual overtones, undertones, let alone activities.

To compensate for this glaring lack, this rebel narcissist turns unto himself, he becomes auto-erotic, he fantasizes as he masturbates with varying frequency. His sex life is reduced to the consumption of pornography and role-playing in online forums dedicated to such things.

But this, of course, is a dreary substitute for a full-fledged sex life. And it's not as satisfying.

So as frustration mounts in both members of the couple, so do aggression and hostility. There is a sense of waste and dysphoria, depression.

But the cerebral narcissist would rather hurt his mate by withholding sex from her than lose her altogether, which would be the ineluctable consequence of him being true to his sexual self.

The question arises, why doesn't the cerebral narcissist team up with an intimate partner who does share his inclinations and who would be happy to act on his fantasies?

The answer is because such a partner cannot be relied on to be faithful, constant and consistent. And this is the cerebral narcissist predicament.

Intimate partners who are compatible with his sexual urges and fantasies are useless as stable, long-term sources of secondary supply. They are bound to be unfaithful. They are bound to disappear on him.

Intimate partners who can be realized to provide secondary narcissistic supply on a regular basis are likely to be sexually incompatible with the cerebral narcissist's desires, urges, sexual wishes and fantasies.

This stratagem of course is self-defeating. The cerebral narcissist partner ultimately does abandon him, starved as she is for sex and intimacy and resentful of being the target of his repeated pent-up aggression.

As far as the cerebral narcissist is concerned, being abandoned also serves as a kind of masochistic self-punishment.

So narcissistic supply and sexuality are inversely related in the cerebral narcissist's mind. He can have either or, but not both.

When narcissistic supply, primary or secondary, is low, he resorts to rampant sex as he hunts for his next stable source of narcissistic supply and as he seeks to make up for lost time. When the flow of supply has been reconstituted, the cerebral narcissist reverts almost immediately and automatically to his sexual hibernation.

To the cerebral narcissist, the sex act constitutes low-grade narcissistic supply, a mere stopgap measure and a necessary evil in the capture and captivation of his future intimate partner.

The somatic narcissist is simply the mirror image of his cerebral brother. To the somatic narcissist, sex, sexual prowess, carnal exploits and a string of conquests. Sex is narcissistic supply.

The somatic narcissist sexuality however non-conformist or even deviant is the only stable found of the narcissistic supply that he needs to regulate his sense of self-worth.

The somatic narcissist actually seeks out and selects partners who are labile, volatile, erratic, fleeting, adventurous and unstable as he switches between multiple sexual objects of infatuation.

The somatic flaunts his sexuality and thus knowingly gives up on a stable, long-lasting, long-term relationship.

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Cerebral Narcissist: Woman? What's That For?

The cerebral narcissist lacks the sexual energy and magnetism of the somatic narcissist. The author, a cerebral narcissist, describes himself as a deceptive package, an I being, a mental alien in an uncanny carnal outfit. He is exhausted by the rites of procreation and rarely copulates. Women are attracted to him but repelled by his essence, and he is turned into a gaping black hole, out to suck the vitality of everyone around him.

Two Narcissists in a Couple

Two narcissists of the same type cannot maintain a stable, long-term, full-fledged and functional relationship. Two narcissists of different types or opposing types can, often do, maintain long-term, stable and rather happy relationships. There are two main types of narcissists, somatic and cerebral. The somatic type of narcissist relies on his body and sexuality to generate attention, adulation and admiration, while the cerebral narcissist leverages his intellect, his intelligence and his professional achievements to obtain the same. Stable and enduring relationships can and often do develop between dissimilar narcissists.

Narcissist Frustrates Women with Ostentatious Fidelity

Narcissists, particularly cerebral narcissists, often frustrate women who are attracted to them by withholding sex or teasing them. This is because they are misogynists who hold women in contempt and fear them. They divide women into saints and whores, and view sex and intimacy as mutually exclusive. The narcissist's frustrating behavior serves to secure a narcissistic supply and reenact unresolved conflicts with their mother. They pathologize women to control them and project their own parasitic behavior onto them.

Adulterous, Unfaithful Narcissists: Why Cheat and have Extramarital Affairs?

Narcissists cheat on their spouses for several reasons. Firstly, they require a constant supply of attention, admiration, and regulation to regulate their unstable sense of self-worth. Secondly, they are easily bored and require sexual conquests to alleviate this. Thirdly, they maintain an island of stability in their life surrounded by chaos and instability. Fourthly, they feel entitled to anything and everything and reject social conventions. Fifthly, they feel that being married reduces them to the lowest common denominator. Sixthly, they are control freaks and initiate other relationships to reassert control. Finally, they are terrified of intimacy and adultery is an excellent tool to suppress it.

Why Narcissist Devalues YOU (Hint: Wants YOU "Dead")

Narcissists devalue their partners as a form of self-defense and control. There are two types of devaluation: preemptive and reactive. Preemptive devaluation occurs when a narcissist is in a transitional state between overt and covert narcissism, and they devalue potential sources of supply to prevent the overt side from using them against the covert side. Reactive devaluation is a response to a perceived threat to the narcissist's grandiosity or control. Both types of devaluation are harmful to the victim and serve to maintain the narcissist's sense of power and control.

Narcissist: Pornography as Real Life (ENGLISH responses)

Narcissists who are cerebral asexuals do not respond to any sexual cues, advances, or courting by any possible sex partner. They are not responding to visual cues in leaving people. Pornography creates an addiction and misrepresents sex, converting it into something impersonal, aggressive, and dead. Narcissists invest sexual energy and emotions in masturbation but have no investment in sex with real people. The narcissist is self-sufficient in everything and is an autonomous unit with zero dependence on other people, except for narcissistic supply.

Cerebral Narcissist's Sexual Disneyland (ENGLISH responses)

Cerebral narcissists bring creativity, imagination, and multidimensionality to sex, making it more exciting and addictive than with somatic narcissists. However, the cerebral narcissist uses sex to acquire and capture the woman, making her addicted to him, and then abruptly stops the sex once he feels secure in the relationship. This creates severe cognitive, emotional, and axiological dissonance, leading to extreme behaviors in the partner, such as alcoholism or risky sexual behavior. Therefore, an open relationship or outsourcing sex is not a solution, and the only recommendation is to avoid a relationship with a cerebral narcissist altogether.

When Hoovering Fails, Narcissist Fakes

The text discusses the narcissist's reaction when someone refuses to conform to their idealized image. When rejected, the narcissist experiences cognitive dissonance and resolves it by rewriting history and reality. They re-idealize the rejected person and then devalue them if they persist in rejecting the narcissist. The narcissist's internal representation of the rejected person persists in their mind, and they dedicate their life to forcing others to conform to this idealized image.

Somatic Narcissist: Not Sex, But Pursuit and Conquest

Somatic narcissists derive their narcissistic supply from the process of securing sex, rather than the act itself. They are often health freaks, bodybuilders, or hypochondriacs, and regard their bodies as objects to be sculpted and honed. The cerebral narcissist, on the other hand, is haughty and uses their intellect or knowledge to secure admiration. Both types are auto-erotic and prefer masturbation to interactive sex. It is a mistake to assume type constancy, as the narcissist swings between their dominant and recessive types.

Narcissist: No Sex, please, I am Cerebral!

Narcissists are autoerotic and prefer masturbation to sex. They view women with contempt and seek to torment them. The cerebral narcissist is often celibate and prefers pornography and sexual auto-stimulation to the real thing. They are afraid of encounters with the opposite sex and are even more afraid of emotional involvement or commitment that they fancy themselves prone to develop following a sexual encounter.

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